Trading Places

Ok so with Valentine’s Day right around the corner I’ve been thinking of ways to spice up the holiday. For those that will be celebrating the day designated exclusively for lovers here’s what I’m thinking. I was doing some household chores the other day when Usher’s sexy song “Trading Places” came on. Automatically, a light bulb went off in my head! I thought to myself that if I had a reason to celebrate this Valentine’s Day I would want to do so by trading places with my lover. I would do everything from beginning to end as the take charge lady that I am, yet to be fair my intentions would be completely expressed to my man. I would let him know that just for that one special evening there would be a complete and total role-reversal taking place. I would make reservations for us to eat somewhere sexy. An intimate setting that caters to lovers with dim lights, banquet style seating so that we can sit side by side. I would wear a dress and I would make sure that during dinner he knows that he’ll be dessert. I would pick him up and open my car door for him and I’d also hold the door for him at the restaurant. I would constantly whisper in his ear throughout and let him know how special he is to me. I would be dressed ultra-sexy (heels would have to be at least 5”) and I would let him know that in addition to him being dessert it’s also wrap for him when we get home. I would set the stage with the ultimate PDA (public displays of affection) nothing that would gross people out, but subtle things like grabbing his hand, touching his leg and kissing him softly. The idea of my seductive little fantasy evening with the man that I don’t have yet lol intrigued me as I pranced around my kitchen singing the words out loud, “I’m always on the top.” “Tonight I’m on the bottom cause we trading places”. “Now we gonna do this thing a little different tonight”.

The one thing that stands out in this Usher joint for those of you that haven’t heard it and what I find that I can relate to so much is that they (Usher & his girl) decide to switch things up a bit for the sake of maintaining what seems to be a healthy flow. In relationships, we can’t be afraid to double-up on keeping things sexy, exciting and interesting. Lip biting actions within a relationship should happen often in my opinion. I want my man to bite his lip not only while I’m getting dressed for us to head out somewhere but also when I’m completely done. I want him to have that pride stirring in his soul that “me” his woman does it for him. I want him to let me know that we’ll be the couple that continuously arrives late somewhere because when I’m done getting dressed he’ll just be getting started at peeling away the layers of my clothing. A couple that intends on watering their flourishing love is going to do so without any apprehensions. They’re going to fully be aware that fun and love do in fact coincide. If I had a man he could certainly look forward to me tying his hands ever so gently to our bed post after a night of being at his total beck and call like on Valentine’s Day. I’m into the whole concept of the holiday and I know many of you will disagree and say, “Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be just once a year”, but the fact still remains that it is. How hard would it be to run out and purchase the sexiest little baby doll from Victoria’s Secret? If he’s worth it the question would be does he know it? Milk baths, rose petals and aroma candles galore was where my focus was as the record quickly came to an end. My lover would get the cupid treatment on that special day because most of the time we’re honestly too busy to put that much emphasis on nurturing the love we’re in.

Unfortunately, since I am ridiculously single at this time and I don’t have anyone special to spend this Valentine’s Day with I will have to wait till next year to share something sexy with you folks. In the meantime, I’m extremely interested in hearing what all of you have planned for the holiday? Please enlighten me with your stories and tell me how you’re going to execute your plans if they are a secret from your lover. I’m sure some of you will be getting engaged or maybe just taking your dating relationship to the committed level either way my ears are open and I can’t wait to hear! As always I wish all of you the best that this world has to offer.

Much Luv
~BC~

How To Embrace His "Ex"

Ok so it’s a New Year and “Change” has become the most prominent theme of my week as the first week of the year comes to an end. It was the topic of discussion this week on the radio show that I co-host and "Change" seems to be ringing like an alarm since the New Year began. I had the pleasure of meeting one of my best friend’s beautiful cousin Amiyah (“Mia”) a colorist at a high-end salon in NYC on New Year’s Eve. Before we brought in the New Year together at NYC Times Square we sat and broke bread with one another (along my friend’s twin sisters Jazzlyn & Jenelle). We had a round-table style dinner at BBQ on 72nd & 3rd and it seemed as if we were all reflecting on the year gone by. At some point the conversation turned to Mia and her relationship with her live-in boyfriend's children. Mia who is in her early thirties and doesn’t have children of her own yet expressed the great relationship that she maintains with her boyfriend's children. At some point we all waited to hear the “Baby Momma Drama”, but I’m pleased to report that there was none. Mia explained that she decided to follow Jada Pinkett-Smith’s approach to embracing her man’s "ex-wife" and that the conscious effort made (initiated on her behalf) has taken the edge off of the situation in its entirety. Mia explained that she honestly felt if her man’s children were going to be spending significant time at their home then it was pertinent that she open the door for the children’s mother to have direct contact to her not just to her partner. Mia addressed her man one day regarding the way his "ex-wife" sends his girls over with wrap scarfs and bobby pins for their hair as if her man would be the one combing their hair. Mia felt like that was more than enough reason for the two women to have a formal introduction to one another. "I'm the one that combs their hair when they're at my house". As we watched in awe as if she were speaking a foreign language Mia said, "I had to put my foot down."

Mia explained to us that the relationship isn’t always peaches and cream but it is one of mutual respect. Mia is a little more lenient on the children as far as bed time on the weekends or how long they watch tv. Her viewpoint as far as that is concerned is that children need to be afforded the opportunity to simply be children. She takes the girls ice skating, swimming, to amusement parks, bike riding, to Broadway Shows, and many other outings that she needed to at minimum to have a positive relationship with their mother in order to do. She acknowledges the history her boyfriend and his "ex-wife" shared (over 17 years), and she never gives him the impression that saying anything negative about her will fly. She was also very clear on her position that this woman never did anything to make her dislike her so why would she? Once introduced formally to one another Mia expressed her feelings to his "ex-wife", and emphasized the importance of having a healthy working relationship would be for the children. She was later invited by her boyfriend's "ex-wife" to both children's' graduations and graduation parties. Mia opted to decline the invites, which I actually commend (too close for comfort). The invite was definitely an acknowledgement from the girls mother that she recognizes that Mia has become a second Mom in their lives. We all commended Mia mainly because we all understood in one way or another how difficult the task at hand could be.

I myself have never had a decent and/or respectful conversation with my "ex’s" fiancée and it’s painfully embarrassing for me to admit that. I would love to have a better open line of communication with the woman that my son’s father has chosen to spend the rest of his life with. A woman that plays such an important role in my son's life and who I can say factually that my son adores. My hope for the future is that our relationship will get better as time goes on. She is the mother of my son's sister and there shouldn't be any walls up. She recently helped my son with a homework project and I was so disappointed when I couldn’t just simply pick up the phone to call her and say thank you. I sent my "ex" a text message instead and asked him to please extend my thanks to her. Our situation is more complex then Mia's in some ways because she and I actually had a physical altercation a little over five years ago and because of that I realize that it will be slightly more difficult for us to make amends. The great thing about a New Year is that many of us start off with the inspiration to change the world. I visualize nothing but peace for the future and I know in my heart that there will definitely come a day when she and I will have peace and maybe even be able to have a glass of wine together so that I can commend her on being so great with my son. If that's too much then I'm sure that we'll be able to survive little league games. Until then one day at a time.

The complexity of having to deal with a new partner’s "ex" is that someone almost always has some unresolved issues and feelings of hurt and abandonment. There are no "winner's" when it comes to someone losing because we never want our children to feel like they've lost. When a breakup occurs one person is left feeling null and void and the first concern that person may have is how your new partner will treat their child. Matters of the heart are complicated in and of themselves yet if we make a conscious effort as adults to be empathetic and take another person’s feelings into consideration then we are already ten steps ahead of the game. If we can approach everything from a loving place that leaves the children as our main priority and focus at all times then we can promote healthy safe havens for our children that will never leave them feeling awkward and/or questioning their loyalty to one parent or the other. For those of us that have children and at some point have to open the door to the new love in our "ex's" life we'll have to find a way to do so without using our children as pawns in the process.

I'm also not suggesting that you become friends or BFF's with your "ex's" new partner/love interest because obviously that could compromise your relationship. Being cordial is a great start yet being cordial genuinely without being sarcastic or phony. Children are the absolute 1st to pick up on when a person isn't being genuine or when someone is being insensitive. The children need the comfort of knowing that everyone is really "ok" with one another otherwise they will be faced with a huge amount of unnecessary anxiety when it comes time to go to "Mommy" or "Daddy's" house. Do nice things for one another. If it's a special occasion and you can't see yourself being there because you want to set boundaries then send something with your man or woman showing your consideration toward the occasion. Will there be some feelings of insecurity, jealousy, and possibly annoyance at times? "Yes", I'm sure that there will be because in the end we're all human. If we start from the right place I guarantee you that little by little everything will fall into place accordingly and we'll be raising happy, healthy, and well-balanced kids that understand that in a blended family setting no one loses because ultimately everybody wins! Especially the kids because additional people enter their lives who care for them and want the best for them just as their parents do.

P.S. No one wants to have children with someone they love and then end up not being in a loving relationship with that person. If it does happen I suggest that you work through the situation the best way that you know how to and by being gentle and kind to one another. God has blessed my son with an amazing father that has totally stepped up to the plate and extended his fatherly hand to both of my daughters that aren't his biological children. I can't imagine the journey thus far without him and I pray to God for his safety regularly. Wes, I'm so happy to see the man that you've become and I wish you the absolute best in your marriage. I love you dearly and always promise to co-parent with you effectively to best meet all of their needs. (I do occasionally call you an a-hole way too often and I promise I'm working on that).

Pls lets show my girl Mia some love on Twitter @MiMiLuv_7...She's a beautiful spirit inside and out and I have a feeling we'll be hearing a lot more from her this year!

Much Luv

Happy New Year 2011

There was no way that I could start the first day of the year without the people that have stuck by me and read my blog faithfully for the past six-months. I appreciate you and what I do here at The B.C. Chronicles is for us! I say us because our relationship is co-dependent. I have an urge that comes from deep within me that urges me to share and release my stories here with you. You for one reason or another enjoy reading them and I'd like to take this moment to thank you. When my eyes opened this morning I grabbed my laptop and started typing. I wanted to show you how I decided to bring in the New Year, and I also wanted to share with you my vision and my outlook for 2011. I have no specific resolutions for 2011 yet I can tell you there isn't a single doubt in my mind that this will be my "fairy tale" year. This year feels unmatched to any and it has a magical feel to it that I haven't experienced in years before. As the sun begins to rise outside of my window and I take tiny sips from my hot green tea I am reflecting on some of the highlights of 2010. My broken heart was in such desperate need of healing by late spring of 2010, and shortly after I decided to pour my heart into these pages. The warm welcome I received from my readers helped to restore my faith in humanity. I made business and personal connections here that I'm nearly positive will stand the test of time. Together we healed my heart and what happened in the process was a shift in my own consciousness. Everything I already loved about the world that I live in seemed to only increase. The sky is more beautiful, the sun shines much brighter, and the flowers are prettier than ever. It only seemed right for me to increase my connection with that feeling by making my way to Times Square in the heart of Manhattan.

When one of my dearest childhood bestie's, "BklynTye" called me from Virginia to say that she was coming up for the weekend to go with me to watch the ball drop I knew that backing out wasn't an option. The crowd was insane as I kept my fears of being trampled at bay. I simply allowed myself to absorb the moment like a sponge. I saw people singing and laughing and some brave souls even had their children with them. I didn't question the hype because I already understood what it was. It was all about connection and whether the people out there were aware of that or not is always up for discussion. As I gently pushed my way through the crowds (confronting my own issues with claustrophobia the entire time) I felt as if I needed to get as close as I could to see the actual event. I already knew before coming out that I was going to start this year off sprinting; Sprinting as if this year were a marathon that I can't afford to lose. No wasted moments, no leaving things to mere chance, just a year of calculated action and accountability for my life. Why live if we're not going to participate in what living truly entails? Why take bold steps filled with painfully difficult New Year's resolutions that dissipate by February or March? Oh no, not me, not this year. This year I'll follow my inner voice on everything that it calls me to do. I won't question it or dismiss it because I've become too familiar with how accurate it is. I'll travel this year because there are places that my inner voice is telling me that I must go to. I'll be open to receiving love this year and I'll avoid sending contradicting messages to the universe that continues to be so good to me. I'll consult the Source on everything and anything. I also plan on opening my mouth this year when I kneel down to pray. I said silent prayers last night as I stood there in the crowd and I mentioned all of the above. I prayed that God continues to humble me as the load seems to be increasing by the day. In less than a month's time I've signed deals, I've taken on new roles and writing projects in support of other people's projects, and most importantly I have started writing a fiction novel called, "Family Business" a creation by my co-author Jason Lanzar Rivera (KOPC). My cup is overflowing quickly and I couldn't be more elated.

There isn't much in this moment that I don't feel like I can't take on. I'm open to receiving more projects, and a part of me is learning that balance will follow. I wanted to make sure that I start my singles and my couples on a very positive footing for the New Year. With that being said I'd like to start with some positive advice that I believe will benefit us all. For my singles, if you carried a "list" around in 2010 whether it was written or simply metaphorical yet it included all of the attributes you're looking for in a life partner I want you to put it away. I really want you to burn it and here's why. We discussed our deal breakers a few months back and we made it unmistakably clear that we all have certain things that we simply won't compromise when it comes to meeting someone. For example, if you're a non-smoker and a smoker wants to date you it may be unreasonable for you to start a connection with this person, yet if the "list" says your new mate has to be 6'3" and God sends a man that's 5'11" to your door will you open it? My reasoning for pointing this out is that in many cases our lists can be slightly out of touch with reality. If that's the case then being out of touch with reality would also be the cause of why we're still single. If characteristics on the "lists" aren't things that we can look past then in all actuality we are sending out a strong message that we really aren't open or ready to receiving love in our lives. The blockage is circulating our vision because we can't see good potential if at the forefront they don't meet our somewhat foolish requirements. The man that doesn't make six-figures annually may treat you one hundred times better than the man that does. The woman that is single and has four or five children might be God's best kept secret for you but you won't date her because, "she has too many kids". God prepares whomever we are destined to be with before we ever encounter that person. He works on them while he's working on us and that's why when the two meet the bond is truly unbreakable. All I'm really suggesting is that we approach 2011 differently than we approached 2010. I believe by doing so the benefits will far outweigh the risks.

For my couples out there, I still believe in your love when you lose faith in it. I want you to be kind and gentle to one another this year. I want you to communicate more in 2011 than you ever did in 2010, and I want you to pull no punches with one another. If an issue arises or you just want to tell your partner how much easier life is with them in your world then by all means say it. Speak, speak, and speak some more in the New Year and where connection has been tampered with talk your way back to making it as strong as it has always been meant to be. Loving one another, being gentle, kind, and communicating will make your love worth fighting for. As human beings we're all on a journey for peace. If you've been blessed to find that special person that can share the journey with you just have faith in your union and learn to filter out whatever is unnecessary. Love always wins and if it isn't love you already know my motto...They have to go. In 2011, let us love ourselves passionately with strong emotion that exceeds what anyone else can offer us. Let us also be kind to ourselves. There will be no beating up of self in 2011. If you find yourself doing that I want you to recognize it immediately and regroup. We are not stupid, crazy, insensitive etc...We are just human and we will all have our days from time to time. I will be praying for all of us as the year goes on and I know that this year will be filled with great things. I wish you Love, Peace, Patience, and Blessings for the New Year! We finished 2010 strong now lets see what The B.C. Chronicles will evolve into for 2011. I'm ready!



Much Luv

Everyday Radio & Your Girl B.C.

I recently got the opportunity to meet an inspiring gentleman that wears so many hats anyone would be blessed to obtain the opportunity to work with him. Jermaine "Jay Everyday" Smith is an American Playwright, Director, Producer, Editor-in-Chief, On-Air Personality, & Internet Radio Station Owner. This past Wednesday, I was invited by Jermaine (Jay) to be a guest panelist on his show "Everyday Radio", which allows everyday people to come on and tell their story. The panel discussion was "The Unhealed Heart" and we sat there collectively as a group an aired out our feelings to the Internet world listening. The discussion was passionate as we sat around the table and discussed our personal views on the unhealed heart. I felt extremely connected to the topic yet even more so to the entire experience. I felt so comfortable introducing The B.C. Chronicles to the listeners because I felt like it gave my blog a voice and another venue for me to discuss the importance of pursuing and maintaining a positive and healthy union. I was overwhelmed by the joy that I felt as a result of the experience and I felt like I did pretty well overall. From the headphones to the microphone in front of me I envisioned more outreach and more radio. Three-hours seemed to pass by rather quickly and I knew realistically the slot was something I could work into my everyday schedule. Adding Internet radio to the blog that I started just six short months ago was another way to give my readers a way to connect. In addition to listening Jay provides a platform for listeners to real-time chat and to call into the station simultaneously. I loved the real-time chatting most because it provides an anonymous way for listeners to tell their stories and to ask their questions. When Jay asked me if I would co-host the show with him I immediately knew that it was an offer that I couldn't refuse.

When we are blessed to realize that we have a special craft, or a gift we have an obligation to share it with the world. When doors open for us we have to open doors for those that will come after us. For example, my wish is that every young girl out there that is jotting her life down into her journal will see what I do and feel inspired enough to share her story with the world. She might write an article for her school newspaper or she might even start her own blog site. I love that my blog makes it easy for me to share my life with all of you. As I transition into this next phase of Internet radio I promise to stay committed to the core values of The B.C. Chronicles. I look forward to keeping the B.C. Chronicles segment on Everyday Radio spicy and something that we can all relate to. I can't wait to introduce my readers to my new co-host and I hope that all of you will let the show know why my blog appeals to you. We have evolved into a network & a family here and I'm positive that this family will continue to grow. I welcome Jay and his team to our team and my expectations are high with great hopes for a productive partnership. I'm so overjoyed by our pairing-up and I realize that this is only the beginning. In the meantime, I will continue to follow God's lead and I'll continue to keep my readers posted every step of the way. On Friday night I headed to the station for a team meeting. I was welcomed by the team and I noted the level of trust displayed on their behalf by having me at their round table discussion. I took notes and I interacted with each member to get a feel for what each person was bringing to the table. Niyah Bingy who is a Photographer, Film Writer, Producer, and Teacher from Brooklyn filled the room with his smile. A member that was eager to dedicate himself to the team in whatever capacity he is needed most. Next, I listened intently to K.L. Belvin who is an Educator, Author, Publisher, Poet and Motivational Speaker. He was clear in delivering his message of the importance of connection. Uncle Ty, the Station Manager contributed his input from a manager's perspective and Jay led the table throughout. Our faith outlined the meeting as we all acknowledged the Creator in our own special way for bringing us together. Acts of Faith will be what pushes each one of us in the direction God needs us to go. Good people attract one another and before you look around you will notice that negativity dissipates quickly. There is no place for it to survive when your journey becomes so saturated in truth and peace. Each individual at the table shared the connection of wanting to help others and to make our contribution to the world.

Please take the time to check out how Jay is making his contribution to the world http://www.thejayeveryday.com/ When you click on his website you can check out his plays, the radio station and his magazine http://www.everydaythemagazine.com/

You can check me and Jay out live each and every Wednesday on Everyday Radio at 6-9 p.m. If you have topics you'd like to hear or ideas for the show let me know. I look forward to giving The B.C. Chronicles a voice and I know we'll be chatting away soon.

To listen to the show just click the link www.thejayeveryday.com/radio-station.php and click on the play button in the song box. We also real-chat on the show just type your chat name in the box provided and start chatting. Listeners are also encouraged to call in with comments at 718-484-7663 0r 7664. The B.C. Chronicles meets Internet radio...2011 will be awesome!

Much Luv

The Unhealed Heart

The unhealed heart is fragile. It is weak far beyond anything that the mind can comprehend. It is bitter because it has seen the coldness of the world. It bleeds and then it becomes more and more self-destructive. Past damage and fear make it difficult for the unhealed heart to move forward. The unhealed heart suffocates because it is damaged and has been so badly abused. The unhealed heart believes a liar and it sees a halo where there are only horns. The unhealed heart touches the rose even when its thorns are too sharp. The unhealed heart has a fear of flying yet it clings to silent hope and therefore it can be fully restored. My unhealed hurt was healed less than a year ago. This is my story...

After receiving a phone call this past Sunday I was asked to make guest panelist appearance tomorrow evening at a very successful internet radio station. When the station's owner Jermaine Smith called me, he not only asked if I'd be interested in the slot but also how I felt about tomorrow's topic, "The Unhealed Heart". I must admit the topic immediately appealed to my soul because without stating the obvious I was able to relate. "Jay" as he is better known as is also the Editor-in-Chief of "Everyday the Magazine" and I felt this instant gratification deep at my core that we were meant to work together. I didn't hesitate to accept the slot because I've come to learn that when something feels right I just have to go with it. I also happen to be a survivor of the "Unhealed heart syndrome" and I thought to myself, "This conversation will surely be therapeutic". It seems easier to understand the basis of my existence as the universe continues to send positive projects of awareness my way. As soon as I hung up with Jay I began jotting down my notes for the show. I took myself as far back as I could in an effort to remember my first encounter with the unhealed heart.

The year was 1990, and I was around 14 years-old at the time. It was a Saturday afternoon and my mother who loves to shop at local yard sales happened to go down a wrong block trying to locate a home. To her surprise she stumbled upon my step-father's vehicle that was parked at someone else's house that was unbeknownst to her. My mom being curious by nature decided to go and knock on the door of the unknown person's home. Did I mention that my dad was supposed to be visiting my uncle in Tampa, FL? Hmmm??? To my mother's SHOCK my dad opened the door of the unknown home and unfortunately what stood out to her the most was the fact that he didn't have on any shoes. It would take more than the allotted space here to tell you exactly what my mom did next. Let's just say she's not the coolest headed person in the world and she recruited my Aunt who's probably reading this now (Hi Aunt Pegs). I spent so much time with my dad growing up as a child and I guess in some ways I sort of idolized him. My young heart refused to believe that my dad would do anything in the world to hurt me or my mom. My mom knowing this had to take me back to the scene so that I could see "the proof" with my own eyes. Crushed, might be the first word that comes to mind yet it doesn't exactly capture all the hurt I felt. My mom vowed that my dad would never be allowed to return home again, and she kept her promised. My dad apologetic yet exhausted with getting nowhere kissed me on my forehead and walked out of my life. Never in the permanent sense but never to return in the capacity that I so desperately needed him to.

Life can sting early on and my unhealed heart bled for the love that only a father can offer his daughter. I longed for the connection, for the long rides in our 1986 Mercury Topaz, for breakfast at our favorite diner, for summer cruises on Sea Escape, for holding his hand, for trips to the mall, and for every void I never had because he filled them all. The unhealed heart will be self-destructive and hard on itself. In 1991, I lost my grandmother and the double whammy of losing the two simultaneously caused a reaction that made me shutdown. The shutdown bought about a person that I could no longer identify with a teenage drinker, a teenage mother, and later a girl that spent years being physically abused by a man that I should never have come into contact with. The unhealed heart is lost and it is broken. It is weak and it is cold. A cold heart leaves a numb soul. It has taken me over 20-years to heal. In healing, I have come to love and appreciate myself with greater understanding. I can reach back in my history and dig up a story only to use it for the sake of reference. My past does dictate my future. Had I knew what I know now back then than clearly I would have implemented a journey of healing a long time ago.

With each occurrence that we are faced with the stability of our hearts will be tested. Self-destructive behavior followed by a depletion of self-esteem can result in many different outcomes. For many of the unhealed hearts of the world living just simply isn't an option. Some fall deeper into a depressive state and some give up their will to live all together. If I knew how to save someone else's life I would. I would rid all the unhealed hearts of their pain. To feel pain indicates that we all know and understand joy. Lean on others to help your heart heal. Often times they will have enough strength to carry you while you get over the hump. It is just a hump and you can and will get past the hurt. Even in the saddest time of grief the Creator will pull you through, yet you have to be willing to let go of the pain and to rest your reassurance in him. The unhealed heart deserves love and it hungers and thirsts to be fed love. The unhealed heart will fly again. I promise.

Much Luv

My Saving Grace & VIVMag

Ok, so as of late I must share that some pretty phenomenal things have been happening in my life. The more I seem to connect with my inner self, is the closer I seem to get to finding what my purpose in this world really is. I started The B.C. Chronicles on June 17th, 2010, and my reasoning for doing so was because I wanted to stir awareness. I wanted to share some of my own personal experiences, yet I also wanted to encourage both men and women to engage in healthy relationships that would offer them the love and peace that we all deserve. I'm not sure if I've ever shared this story, but I attended a "Together-Apart Series", by Chris "Kazi" Rolle on April 30, 2010, that was hosted by Malik Yoba and Egypt Sherrod. The impact it had on me was enough to stir my own awareness. Egypt was on the verge of getting married at the time, while Malik on the other hand spoke candidly about being single after divorce. The common denominator was that both host had very strong opinions of what good, healthy love consist of. I not only plugged into the conversation, but I knew that I needed to do more in order to be actively participating in the human race. I had to do my part. I watched relationships around me become more and more casual and I was sickened by that. As a person that believes in marriage yet knows the key to getting there is forming a secure and loving relationship with self I felt like I needed to speak to the world. Ironically enough, while I was writing I was still learning and from time to time because I doubted my own abilities I would pull back. I always received positive feedback from my readers, but I questioned if my message was being well-received. Did anyone really want to hear what I was saying? Hmmm well nearly six-months TO THE DAY that I started the blog that came to me as a dream one night; I am very pleased to report that someone wants to hear what I'm saying. When I doubt myself the most is when "My Saving Grace" always steps in, and provide messages that I couldn't ignore if I tried. "My Saving Grace" forces me to find strength and to believe in myself even when no one else will. What happened when I was contacted by Adrienne Wallace, the Vice President of Marketing at VIVmag is nearly unexplainable.

I received a message about a week ago from Adrienne who has a huge social media connection. That wouldn't be so great if she didn't have a huge heart to match but she does! Social media is a force to be reckoned with in today's society because it can take something that's on a small scale (like my blog), and bring it to a large scale almost overnight. This dear sweet woman scheduled a conference call with me that was very professional in nature. She spoke to me about becoming a VIVMaven, and she let me know that my blog was selected because of the Awareness that it provides. When she spoke to me in numbers she mentioned that out of 199 (more or less) some odd blogs reviewed mine had made it to the Top 5 list. Beginners luck? Maybe, but I'd like to think otherwise. What stood out the most in all of this was that Adrienne (who also writes a blog) had written a post herself the night before we ever spoke, which I saw posted on Twitter. The language and the message that I read on her blog was so beautiful that I shared it both on Twitter and on Facebook page for my followers to read. I had no idea what she was going to say to me during our conference call yet my expectations were little to none. I gladly accepted an affiliate deal through their VIVMavens Network when it was offered because after researching the magazine I was sold on its mission. The magazine is built on 7 pillars which include, Fitness, Wellness, Awareness, Healthy Eating, Style, Beauty, and Travel. Because the magazine is digital I was able to do my research online right from my desk. I was impressed with what I found to say the least. All of the pillars are places that I'm in the process of exploring within my own life and here was a magazine that could relate to without question. I found oneness on its pages and I was sold.

As I continue on my journey for peace I look for things to be simple and to be easy these days. I look more to connect with people that are looking for like things, and less to connecting with those who aren't. I thank all of you that have stuck with me since day 1 from the bottom of my heart. Today is our 6-month anniversary! I heavily urge you to check out VIVMag by clicking their link (Nov/Dec Cover) under the "Blogs I Enjoy" section of my page. I also want you to write your comments and let me know what you think about the magazine. If this is what the 6-month mark looks like then I can't wait to see what the 1-year mark will bring! I'm excited to continue writing stories that you can relate to and I'm so ready to stay relevant and keep your interest here! I have some more exciting news to share with you all right before we enter the New Year. Every step of the way I promise that we will get closer and closer to connecting with our inner self. I'm sure "My Saving Grace" sent VIVMag to help. Enjoy and God Bless!

Much Luv

Never Underestimate The Power of A Woman

This post is dedicated to one of my dearest and oldest friends. We met in the sixth-grade and something about her vibrant energy let me know way back then that she would always be a part of my life. When she wasn't a part of my life my soul longed to be reunited with her. She is the mother that I always knew that she would be, and the friend that makes my heart sing. I love you and I will be here for your you until my days here on earth come to an end. Your pain makes my heart ache yet I know that you will get through this. The sun always shines after the rain.

A few months ago I caught wind that a dear friend of mine was having some struggles in her marriage; the kind of struggles that may not be fixable. Four-years ago she had a beautiful fairy-tale style wedding in Brooklyn, and she married a man that she loved since the eighth-grade. When I opened the pages of the New York Daily News, and saw one of her beautiful wedding pictures I quickly cut it out and placed it in my Bible. Her wedding bliss made my heart sing with joy. It represented everything that I had read in the pages of "The Secret", by Rhonda Byrne in regard to attracting the type of love that you want in your life. My joy for my friend made me visualize a relationship that would withstand the test of time; the kind of storybook romance between two individuals that would for sure grow old with one another. During the course of her marriage she gave birth to two of the most beautiful children that I've ever seen. When she was eight and a half-months pregnant with her first child she decided to extend her warm loving nature by helping out her best friend that was going through an awful divorce at the time. She did the noblest thing possible without ever second guessing herself and moved her best friend into her home. Her trust for both her husband and her best friend beyond a shadow of a doubt. It never crossed her mind that years later she would come to regret her decision immensely. Her best friend became more like a close relative and there were no time constraints placed on when she needed to leave. She was in the delivery room for the births of the couple's two children and she cooked and housecleaned their home like a live-in housekeeper. With everyone getting along so well and the increasing demand motherhood placed on my friend there was no need to push her best friend to move out.

Many of you are probably contemplating the end of this story. I will let you write your own ending because whatever happened or didn't happen was not my motivation for writing this post. My motivation for this post came when I received a forwarded email from my friend. The forwarded email was a response to an email that her husband sent her earlier that day. He briefly explained, over wording that seemed dry and insincere that he wanted his wife to come home to a house that he hasn't been at in months (my friend went out of state for the holidays to emerge herself in the love of her family). As much advice I offer regarding different relationship scenarios I find it difficult to offer advice to those closest to my heart. Marriage is such a touchy subject nowadays, and I never want to say "yay" or "nay", and have that advice come back to haunt me later. was quite different because it involved someone so close to my heart. In this situation, I made the very false assumption that the tough cookie I have always known my friend to be would somehow crumble and choose her marriage over herself. I'm proud to say that with this assumption I made a total ass of myself. As I read this deeply heartfelt email my friend sent her husband I marveled at her strength. Sentence after sentence she got stronger and stronger as she called her husband out on every occurrence from the first day that things in her home just didn't seem right. She called him out for each and every time that he called her "crazy"; for each and every time that he stripped her of her dignity. For each and every time that she "protected" his lack of innocence, and for every ounce of embarrassment that her family and friends had to witness her go through. She wrote her email with grace; the grace that can only be known when one has truly begun to make peace with a particular situation. Through all the hurt she wrote her email with Love and with Peace. She acknowledged and took ownership of the role that she played in allowing her husband to disrespect her and right at that very moment she took all of her power back. Her email left no room for misunderstanding.

My jaw literally dropped as I read on. My friend advised her husband that she would be resigning effective immediately from her position of "moron". She provided him with the information that she is AWAKE and no longer turning an oblivious eye. She let him know that she was no longer, "stuck on stupid", and trust me if I was a divorce attorney I would take her case on pro bono. My friend further liberated herself from what has been an ongoing nightmare in her life. She took ACTION toward having the life that she always deserved by serving her husband with papers. On the contrary, "No", she did not file for divorce and I commend her for that as well. It shows that she is not emotionally charged and that she is taking the appropriate time needed to weigh the odds of that decision. She filed for custody of the couple's two children and she filed for child support, which she is more than entitled to. She took her power back from her husband that abused it. She took her power back from the man that took her for granted. She took her power back from the husband that tried to play her for a fool. She took her power back from her husband that tried desperately to steal her God-given right to joy. She took her power back when she gave me the permission to write her story.

I'm going to take one brief moment her to address the men and the women in this world that live with envious hearts. I would like to heal all of you because your group in my opinion is the most dangerous to the human race. Your group supersedes race, gender, and culture. Your group preys upon the things that others have, and you take away from mankind moving forward. Your group needs the most healing and the most care because your group has the most damaged hearts. Your group knows jealousy too but chooses envy over it. The word shame is in the dictionary for a reason and I'd like to share its definition with you. Shame - "Dishonor, a painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace". I have no right to pass judgment on any of you but I will say this, the Universe will continue giving you more of what you ask for. If the definition I just provided appeals to more of what you want then just be prepared for everything that you will receive. I pray for your group and I do my best to identify you when I find you anywhere within my circle.

The heartache behind the mistrust, betrayal, and disrespect of my friend's marriage may never go away. She has taught both of her children a valuable lesson in self-love. It isn't worth compromising for anyone in this world. Her connection with her inner core is what will help her to heal. I'm so very proud of her and I will read that email anytime I feel weak on my own journey. Self-love is uplifting and the words surrounding it can offer strength. My friend has given true meaning to the saying, "I am woman, hear me roar!"

Much Luv

~BC~

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