Friday, December 24, 2010
When we are blessed to realize that we have a special craft, or a gift we have an obligation to share it with the world. When doors open for us we have to open doors for those that will come after us. For example, my wish is that every young girl out there that is jotting her life down into her journal will see what I do and feel inspired enough to share her story with the world. She might write an article for her school newspaper or she might even start her own blog site. I love that my blog makes it easy for me to share my life with all of you. As I transition into this next phase of Internet radio I promise to stay committed to the core values of The B.C. Chronicles. I look forward to keeping the B.C. Chronicles segment on Everyday Radio spicy and something that we can all relate to. I can't wait to introduce my readers to my new co-host and I hope that all of you will let the show know why my blog appeals to you. We have evolved into a network & a family here and I'm positive that this family will continue to grow. I welcome Jay and his team to our team and my expectations are high with great hopes for a productive partnership. I'm so overjoyed by our pairing-up and I realize that this is only the beginning. In the meantime, I will continue to follow God's lead and I'll continue to keep my readers posted every step of the way. On Friday night I headed to the station for a team meeting. I was welcomed by the team and I noted the level of trust displayed on their behalf by having me at their round table discussion. I took notes and I interacted with each member to get a feel for what each person was bringing to the table. Niyah Bingy who is a Photographer, Film Writer, Producer, and Teacher from Brooklyn filled the room with his smile. A member that was eager to dedicate himself to the team in whatever capacity he is needed most. Next, I listened intently to K.L. Belvin who is an Educator, Author, Publisher, Poet and Motivational Speaker. He was clear in delivering his message of the importance of connection. Uncle Ty, the Station Manager contributed his input from a manager's perspective and Jay led the table throughout. Our faith outlined the meeting as we all acknowledged the Creator in our own special way for bringing us together. Acts of Faith will be what pushes each one of us in the direction God needs us to go. Good people attract one another and before you look around you will notice that negativity dissipates quickly. There is no place for it to survive when your journey becomes so saturated in truth and peace. Each individual at the table shared the connection of wanting to help others and to make our contribution to the world.
Please take the time to check out how Jay is making his contribution to the world http://www.thejayeveryday.com/ When you click on his website you can check out his plays, the radio station and his magazine http://www.everydaythemagazine.com/
You can check me and Jay out live each and every Wednesday on Everyday Radio at 6-9 p.m. If you have topics you'd like to hear or ideas for the show let me know. I look forward to giving The B.C. Chronicles a voice and I know we'll be chatting away soon.
To listen to the show just click the link www.thejayeveryday.com/radio-station.php and click on the play button in the song box. We also real-chat on the show just type your chat name in the box provided and start chatting. Listeners are also encouraged to call in with comments at 718-484-7663 0r 7664. The B.C. Chronicles meets Internet radio...2011 will be awesome!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
After receiving a phone call this past Sunday I was asked to make guest panelist appearance tomorrow evening at a very successful internet radio station. When the station's owner Jermaine Smith called me, he not only asked if I'd be interested in the slot but also how I felt about tomorrow's topic, "The Unhealed Heart". I must admit the topic immediately appealed to my soul because without stating the obvious I was able to relate. "Jay" as he is better known as is also the Editor-in-Chief of "Everyday the Magazine" and I felt this instant gratification deep at my core that we were meant to work together. I didn't hesitate to accept the slot because I've come to learn that when something feels right I just have to go with it. I also happen to be a survivor of the "Unhealed heart syndrome" and I thought to myself, "This conversation will surely be therapeutic". It seems easier to understand the basis of my existence as the universe continues to send positive projects of awareness my way. As soon as I hung up with Jay I began jotting down my notes for the show. I took myself as far back as I could in an effort to remember my first encounter with the unhealed heart.
The year was 1990, and I was around 14 years-old at the time. It was a Saturday afternoon and my mother who loves to shop at local yard sales happened to go down a wrong block trying to locate a home. To her surprise she stumbled upon my step-father's vehicle that was parked at someone else's house that was unbeknownst to her. My mom being curious by nature decided to go and knock on the door of the unknown person's home. Did I mention that my dad was supposed to be visiting my uncle in Tampa, FL? Hmmm??? To my mother's SHOCK my dad opened the door of the unknown home and unfortunately what stood out to her the most was the fact that he didn't have on any shoes. It would take more than the allotted space here to tell you exactly what my mom did next. Let's just say she's not the coolest headed person in the world and she recruited my Aunt who's probably reading this now (Hi Aunt Pegs). I spent so much time with my dad growing up as a child and I guess in some ways I sort of idolized him. My young heart refused to believe that my dad would do anything in the world to hurt me or my mom. My mom knowing this had to take me back to the scene so that I could see "the proof" with my own eyes. Crushed, might be the first word that comes to mind yet it doesn't exactly capture all the hurt I felt. My mom vowed that my dad would never be allowed to return home again, and she kept her promised. My dad apologetic yet exhausted with getting nowhere kissed me on my forehead and walked out of my life. Never in the permanent sense but never to return in the capacity that I so desperately needed him to.
Life can sting early on and my unhealed heart bled for the love that only a father can offer his daughter. I longed for the connection, for the long rides in our 1986 Mercury Topaz, for breakfast at our favorite diner, for summer cruises on Sea Escape, for holding his hand, for trips to the mall, and for every void I never had because he filled them all. The unhealed heart will be self-destructive and hard on itself. In 1991, I lost my grandmother and the double whammy of losing the two simultaneously caused a reaction that made me shutdown. The shutdown bought about a person that I could no longer identify with a teenage drinker, a teenage mother, and later a girl that spent years being physically abused by a man that I should never have come into contact with. The unhealed heart is lost and it is broken. It is weak and it is cold. A cold heart leaves a numb soul. It has taken me over 20-years to heal. In healing, I have come to love and appreciate myself with greater understanding. I can reach back in my history and dig up a story only to use it for the sake of reference. My past does dictate my future. Had I knew what I know now back then than clearly I would have implemented a journey of healing a long time ago.
With each occurrence that we are faced with the stability of our hearts will be tested. Self-destructive behavior followed by a depletion of self-esteem can result in many different outcomes. For many of the unhealed hearts of the world living just simply isn't an option. Some fall deeper into a depressive state and some give up their will to live all together. If I knew how to save someone else's life I would. I would rid all the unhealed hearts of their pain. To feel pain indicates that we all know and understand joy. Lean on others to help your heart heal. Often times they will have enough strength to carry you while you get over the hump. It is just a hump and you can and will get past the hurt. Even in the saddest time of grief the Creator will pull you through, yet you have to be willing to let go of the pain and to rest your reassurance in him. The unhealed heart deserves love and it hungers and thirsts to be fed love. The unhealed heart will fly again. I promise.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
A few months ago I caught wind that a dear friend of mine was having some struggles in her marriage; the kind of struggles that may not be fixable. Four-years ago she had a beautiful fairy-tale style wedding in Brooklyn, and she married a man that she loved since the eighth-grade. When I opened the pages of the New York Daily News, and saw one of her beautiful wedding pictures I quickly cut it out and placed it in my Bible. Her wedding bliss made my heart sing with joy. It represented everything that I had read in the pages of "The Secret", by Rhonda Byrne in regard to attracting the type of love that you want in your life. My joy for my friend made me visualize a relationship that would withstand the test of time; the kind of storybook romance between two individuals that would for sure grow old with one another. During the course of her marriage she gave birth to two of the most beautiful children that I've ever seen. When she was eight and a half-months pregnant with her first child she decided to extend her warm loving nature by helping out her best friend that was going through an awful divorce at the time. She did the noblest thing possible without ever second guessing herself and moved her best friend into her home. Her trust for both her husband and her best friend beyond a shadow of a doubt. It never crossed her mind that years later she would come to regret her decision immensely. Her best friend became more like a close relative and there were no time constraints placed on when she needed to leave. She was in the delivery room for the births of the couple's two children and she cooked and housecleaned their home like a live-in housekeeper. With everyone getting along so well and the increasing demand motherhood placed on my friend there was no need to push her best friend to move out.
Many of you are probably contemplating the end of this story. I will let you write your own ending because whatever happened or didn't happen was not my motivation for writing this post. My motivation for this post came when I received a forwarded email from my friend. The forwarded email was a response to an email that her husband sent her earlier that day. He briefly explained, over wording that seemed dry and insincere that he wanted his wife to come home to a house that he hasn't been at in months (my friend went out of state for the holidays to emerge herself in the love of her family). As much advice I offer regarding different relationship scenarios I find it difficult to offer advice to those closest to my heart. Marriage is such a touchy subject nowadays, and I never want to say "yay" or "nay", and have that advice come back to haunt me later. was quite different because it involved someone so close to my heart. In this situation, I made the very false assumption that the tough cookie I have always known my friend to be would somehow crumble and choose her marriage over herself. I'm proud to say that with this assumption I made a total ass of myself. As I read this deeply heartfelt email my friend sent her husband I marveled at her strength. Sentence after sentence she got stronger and stronger as she called her husband out on every occurrence from the first day that things in her home just didn't seem right. She called him out for each and every time that he called her "crazy"; for each and every time that he stripped her of her dignity. For each and every time that she "protected" his lack of innocence, and for every ounce of embarrassment that her family and friends had to witness her go through. She wrote her email with grace; the grace that can only be known when one has truly begun to make peace with a particular situation. Through all the hurt she wrote her email with Love and with Peace. She acknowledged and took ownership of the role that she played in allowing her husband to disrespect her and right at that very moment she took all of her power back. Her email left no room for misunderstanding.
My jaw literally dropped as I read on. My friend advised her husband that she would be resigning effective immediately from her position of "moron". She provided him with the information that she is AWAKE and no longer turning an oblivious eye. She let him know that she was no longer, "stuck on stupid", and trust me if I was a divorce attorney I would take her case on pro bono. My friend further liberated herself from what has been an ongoing nightmare in her life. She took ACTION toward having the life that she always deserved by serving her husband with papers. On the contrary, "No", she did not file for divorce and I commend her for that as well. It shows that she is not emotionally charged and that she is taking the appropriate time needed to weigh the odds of that decision. She filed for custody of the couple's two children and she filed for child support, which she is more than entitled to. She took her power back from her husband that abused it. She took her power back from the man that took her for granted. She took her power back from the husband that tried to play her for a fool. She took her power back from her husband that tried desperately to steal her God-given right to joy. She took her power back when she gave me the permission to write her story.
I'm going to take one brief moment her to address the men and the women in this world that live with envious hearts. I would like to heal all of you because your group in my opinion is the most dangerous to the human race. Your group supersedes race, gender, and culture. Your group preys upon the things that others have, and you take away from mankind moving forward. Your group needs the most healing and the most care because your group has the most damaged hearts. Your group knows jealousy too but chooses envy over it. The word shame is in the dictionary for a reason and I'd like to share its definition with you. Shame - "Dishonor, a painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace". I have no right to pass judgment on any of you but I will say this, the Universe will continue giving you more of what you ask for. If the definition I just provided appeals to more of what you want then just be prepared for everything that you will receive. I pray for your group and I do my best to identify you when I find you anywhere within my circle.
The heartache behind the mistrust, betrayal, and disrespect of my friend's marriage may never go away. She has taught both of her children a valuable lesson in self-love. It isn't worth compromising for anyone in this world. Her connection with her inner core is what will help her to heal. I'm so very proud of her and I will read that email anytime I feel weak on my own journey. Self-love is uplifting and the words surrounding it can offer strength. My friend has given true meaning to the saying, "I am woman, hear me roar!"
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Every morning that I step foot outside of my apartment I take a deep look at the sky. I'm typically walking my dog Sundae when I do this and therefore the experience is pretty routine. I'm not in a rush when I do this and I'm generally looking for is a connection with the sun. When I do make my connection I close my eyes for a brief moment. I'll sometimes pull out my blackberry in an attempt to capture the essence of what I see. The skyline will always tell a different story. I bask in the one that I see on a particular day, and I am always in awe of its beauty. It's never the same and I take multiple deep breaths as I give thanks for the moment. I thank my Creator for giving me the gift of life and for including me in this experience. I think of the ones that have gone before me and I wonder if they were ever this present when they were here. I do this all year round, on average 3-4 times a week and I've noticed that I'm more connected to smells in the summer. I connect with the smells of the trees, freshly cut grass and of the many bloomed flowers. In the winter, I connect with the cold. I feel it all over my body, and I am present with it. What doesn't seem to change with the seasons is the sun that lines my sky. When I marvel at it I reconnect with my Creator instantly. Its warmth, its glow, its divine stillness, I marvel at it. As my spirit begins to rise I am AWARE that my Creator dwells inside of me. On my morning walks there is a silence and a stillness in my sky. I feel a warm whisper that pushes me to be fully aware of my being of my presence. The feeling takes me back to my childhood and I remember sitting in class raising my hand and saying, "Here" after the teacher called my name. While I'm walking I silently whisper, "Here". I do this so that my Creator knows that I am awake and aware of my oneness with the world. I imagine that this act brings him great joy. I giggle. My energy, my power and my oneness are all in sync on my walks. If chaos makes its way into my hectic day I know that I can restore myself immediately by connecting with my Source.
The clouds look different on my morning walks. I smile at their lack of alignment. The clouds represent a being that is carefree. They are soft, beautiful, and open to receiving. Reminds me of the essence of a woman. The clouds are inviting and once again they lead me to ponder about the ones that have already left the earth. Maybe they left too soon? Maybe they left exactly when they were supposed to? I wonder if they ever looked at the clouds this way? There is an essential beauty that comes from the sun that lines my sky. I take a deep breath at the thought of death. I realize that I have connected with my earth, with my Source and with all the precious and natural things in it. My connection doesn't involve anything that is of material value. I'm not connected to shoes, or clothes, or cars. I'm only connected to life. I'm only connected to breathing. I'm only connect to my Source and to my spirit. I'm only connect to Love and to Peace. These are the things that I have connected with. I think of the work that is still yet to be done. I open my heart to my Creator and prays that he continues to use me in whatever way he sees fit. The journey is way bigger than me, or my family or my friends. There will be many that I will be responsible for lifting up on the way. I will be responsible for throwing the rope and seeing to it that they catch it. Then I will pull and pull until I know that they are secure. Sharing is a part of the journey. Sharing wisdom and knowledge that isn't ours to keep. My Creator knows that I'm ready to meet the demands of the challenge. There is a world waiting that will not, and cannot change without my contribution. These are the eyes that I see through. My Creator lets me know in different ways that there is no place for fear on the journey. Where I lack he will provide abundance.
I wasn't always this way. I was asleep for a very long time. I woke up less than a year ago and I have been grateful ever since. I used to be a part of the committee that did nothing to change its circumstances. I used to be a part of the crew that pointed fingers and blamed everyone else. I used to have self-bashing parades and I was the only one that ever attended. I was a part of the board of elected officials that thought everything I owned had to be safe-guarded for me and mines. I played for the team that could never appreciate what they had so in returned they keep getting more of the same. So often I tried to figure out what tomorrow would be and I lost focus on the fact that if tomorrow never came I would never know. Today I wake up with a different purpose. I prepare my best self for my best day and I thank my Creator for affording me the opportunity to still be here. What I get back is phenomenal. I see greatness, I feel greatness, and I expect greatness and what I received in return is greatness! Spirituality and my connections with being has been a dynamic force that has changed my life for the better. I no longer live in past regret, or in future intention. I just live. I try to connect with all the joy that I can handle and when my cup overflows I just giggle and give thanks.
I want to leave you with an idea of what all of this feels like. I was recently walking down an avenue in NYC after coming from an event at "The Open House". My soul made a huge connection with the topic of the evening and I left the forum feeling full and overjoyed. When I talk about my soul I would compare the feeling to anytime you get chills, yet overly intensified to the point of brief debilitation. It can be uncomfortable depending on where I'm at, yet I always embrace her whenever she arrives (I'd like to think that my soul is a woman lol). Anyway, I was walking down the avenue rhythmatically to the beat of my own drum. I could hear my heart beating and I felt so in tune with myself. What happened next was even a little weird for me. I started to walk slower thinking to myself that I really wasn't in a rush to reach the train station. I stayed in tune with my steps, with my breathing, and with my emotions and I noticed that I was feeling increasingly happier by the second. Finally, I reached a point that I literally felt tipsy like the way you would after a couple of glasses of wine. There was no alcohol served at the event as it was a forum where people just get together to chat. I was amazed at my level of happiness and I will cherish that moment for a lifetime.
My hope is that each an every one of you will experience a feeling like this at least once during the course of your lifetime. It's a blissful state-of-being that comes from nothing but oneness. I was only connected with myself that not. I wasn't around anyone just me and the piece of God that dwells within me. I hope you look at your skyline and the sun differently after today and I hope that the clouds will move in a direction that speaks to your soul. I pray that you find oneness. I promise you that when you do everything else in your life will fall into place accordingly. I love you all.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Ok, so on average I’d say that it takes about 5 weeks for a person to show you who they really are. People can’t generally keep a façade going for any longer than that. Of course during the initial stage of getting to know one another we all generally put our best foot forward. We might keep our bad habits to ourselves i.e. I need coffee within 30 minutes of waking up (this is true for me), or that we’re obsessed with shoes or sports etc. These things can be gradually discussed during the course of the relationship but some things can’t. Some things although uncomfortable in nature need to be discussed early on. By discussing our truths early on we give the other person who wants to get involved with us the option to walk before anyone catches feelings. The first person that comes to mind when I think of this concept of "bathing in naked truth" is the singer Fantasia (American Idol Winner). I think of her because with her we have an example of how lies hurt everyone involved. Her beau was obviously still with his wife that later went on to sue Fantasia for breaking up her “happy home”. We all know that Fantasia wouldn’t have ever been added to the equation if the home was in fact “happy”. After the allegations were filed in court, Fantasia a single-mom of one, attempted to commit suicide. There are many words that I can use to describe how she was probably feeling at the time, but I’d rather just focus on the point that had her guy been honest, and laid his cards on the table for what they really were then he would have empowered all parties involved because everyone would have had a choice. His wife would have been clear on the fact that his love for her was dissipating; and his girlfriend would have been clear on the fact that she wasn’t the only one in his life. The unknown question is, "Would anyone have stayed with him?" The answer is, "Probably not".
When our fears keep us from engaging in the truth we set the stage for a relationship that can’t survive. Healthy relationships that are based on love, peace, and truth are the only ones that can grow. They grow healthier and healthier until the bond that is created is solid. When they are contaminated with lies, and dark secrets they get smothered in distrust. Years ago, I read a book that offered an analysis that has always stuck with me. I applied it to myself as a parent at the time, yet it rings true for all other aspects of life too. The book explained how our “naked truths”, are what really help us to help others. We are only as good as the story we have to tell. It’s the truth behind our stories that can really help another person if they are able to plug into the message. When we cover-up, or leave out parts of our stories to make ourselves look better; then all we do is discredit ourselves as human beings. All of my experiences are what have helped to shape me into the woman that I am so proud to call myself today. The human condition is a beautiful experience. It’s a journey of learning that is different for each and every one of us. We live, we learn, we grow, and we aspire to be the best that we can be. If we can lie off of that initial urge to keep our truth to ourselves, or to only disclose what makes us look “good” to societies standards than we deny our past, and how we’ve come to be who we are in the present. I don’t suggest dwelling on the past, or letting it define you, yet bathing in your naked truth and embracing that it has played a part in where you are today without the phoniness or the sugar-coating will ultimately set you free.
Never underestimate the power of connection. If a connection has been developed or it’s just there and you don’t know exactly how or why just stick with it. Keep in mind that it will thrive on truth. Fear is what often puts us in compromising positions as people. Trust that the person you’re dealing with will receive you with all that you have been through, and with all that you have to tell. In addition, look to the other person to share their own naked truth and try to receive it without judgment the same way that you are looking to be received. They often say, “You can’t handle the truth”, but I assure you that this is a statement soaked in fear. Don’t be afraid to hear where your mate has been, and let them tell you where they are going. Support their struggles and in return I guarantee if he/she is the person for you they will gladly do the same in return.