Monday, June 14, 2010

I Don't Care About Where You've Been, I Just Care About Where You're Going...

This title hits close to home because I've decided to share a bit of myself tonight. The raw uncut version of me. As a single woman who lives and works in New York City, I frequently find that I'm approached by all types of men and on a regular basis. "Hey beautiful, can I talk to you for a minute?", "Hey gorgeous, can I get a minute of your time?". What I find most interesting about these encounters is that my exterior always seems to paint a very different picture of what my interior actually holds. Pardon me folks I'm having a total "Diary" moment right now, "You think you know..." lol. I'm the kind of woman who always puts her best foot forward. I mean literally, if I'm headed to Dunkin Donuts in sweat pants, I will be doing it in style. Lip gloss on deck for everything lol. What men often tend to find surprising is that when they ask that 2nd or 3rd question on the list, "Do you have any kids?" My response is, "Yes, I have 3." I typically get, "3!!" "You don't look like you have 3 kids?" Confused and baffled by that point I will try to throw someting witty out to lighten the awkwardness. I'll say, "I have 3 kids", " I shouldn't look like I ate them". I get a laugh here and there but 9 out of 10 my kids who haven't even met this person have already posed such a threat that an exchange of digits or a call back will never happen. Does that sting? Of course. At the same time I've learned to retire it to, "Hey his loss not mine".

I wonder how this topic makes you feel? How many will attest to this? The above title is created with no judgment intended. Can you eliminate a person's past and accept that whatever has bought them to the present has made them what you see in front of you today? Can who they are aspiring to be in their future be more important than who they were 10 years ago. Can a woman like myself, educated, stable career on Wall Street, creative, innovated and talented with 3 children and 2 baby father's be blacklisted? Did I blacklist myself when I didn't live my life according to yours or society's standards? If you look in my backyard you will find dirt! So how does a person in their 30's find faith and a light of hope for a new relationship when baggage is typically frowned upon? How do I get a suitor to see me for me today and not for who I was many moons ago? Does a person need to give a run down of their resume? Do I need to tell a prospective love interest on a 1st date that my daughters' (2) father almost beat me so bad that it's a blessing that I'm still here today? Do I need to say that 8 years after that I tried my luck again, which resulted in the birth of my son and that didn't work out either? Is it ok to be a person that doesn't settle? Is it ok to be strong willed and a little picky? How do we live in the present??? Isn't that what God wants us to do? Help me out ppl, let's talk about it...


  1. its amela :
    wow that touched me! i feel like people these days only care about your past, if you had a bad past then they wont take you serious. people dont realise taht you grow up and learn from yur mistakes. alot of people who were "bad" or doing stupid stuff when they were younger become very successful in the future. you cant judge someone on what happened before they met you, you gotta see them as what they are today what they learned who they molded themselves into. any guiy would be proud to wnana date you honostly, beacuse you dont lie and say yu dont have kids you dont lie to make yourself look good you keep it straight forward, if they dont see the intelligent lady that i see when i look at you then who cares about them they arent worth your time. someone who doesnt go threw hardships can never learn to become a better person, youve done everything on your own your hole life so sine guy one day will be lucky to have you becuase your a strong beautiful independent MOTHER and maybe there just intimadated by you.

  2. Look at my Amela strengthing those writing skills everytime you comment! You are truly a pleasure to respond to. Honesty, is important at all stages of the game but at my age Amela, it's critical. There's not too many guys I'll be just "hanging out with" at my age so I have to put all my clean and dirty laundry in the basket. Some won't be able to handle it, and that's a good thing Amela because that will help me to narrow down the process of elimination. A person's past can't really be considered "bad" or "stupid", in most cases the journey is just unique and different for all of us. My journey has been filled with difficult obstacles such as, predjudice, teenage pregnancy, domestic violence, homelessness, and unemployment but the Victory comes each and every day that I continue to breathe. As I get older I'm learning to exhale lol. "My Struggles Have Yet to Defeat Me", I'm a really strong Brown skinned girl and I wouldn't have it any other way! What hasn't killed me has truly made me stronger. I have a running joke with my friends and I tell them I have embraced my life because God and I sat down before my life started and I asked him for this challenge and I promised him before I came into the world that I would rise to the occassion and Amela I promise you I will rise to the occassion! I Love you girly and I can't wait till you start college and become the successful writer I know you were born to be. God Bless you Sweetheart.

  3. I agree, life is too short as it is. There is no time to play guessing games. Lets get right to the point. Your past as smooth or as rocky as it may have been is very important for without a past, we just simply do not exist. Is every road that we travel on literally, smooth? No, there are smooth roads and roads with hard terrain. No matter what your past is, it should never be looked upon as being negative. It may have been hard, but we should never regret our past. Just think if you never went through these hard lessons in life, you would not have the 3 angels that you have now. For they are the fruits of your challenges that you had to go through. And I know because of these challenges, you have become a great woman, a great mom and yes, I have faith you will be a great wife to someone who is deserving of your love. Have you ever met a person with a smooth past? By no means is my life smooth, but you know what? I have an even more positive outlook on life and a great sense of pride because I overcame those challenges. So please don't lose faith in people. We are the ones who has to educate and open peoples mind to be able to think outside the box. God bless.

  4. Hi Jerri:

    Thank you for posting sucha positive comment. Embracing and understanding our past not only helps us to actively live in the present but I feel like it paves the way for our future. I'm excited for my future husband because he is going to be one lucky man to have me lol. All jokes aside the past has to be acknowledged because 9 out of 10 the experiences god or bad have shape a hopefully wonderful person. Hope and faith must always stay be kept alive!