Fall Dating Sense

So, it’s been a while since you’ve been back on the dating scene and you find yourself single and ready to mingle!  Good!  Dating is healthy and it’s extremely enjoyable!  I think fall is an awesome time of year to fall in love, hehe. It’s also a fabulous time to get back onto the scene if you’ve been laying low for awhile. Summer’s officially over and the bikinis are well tucked away.  When someone approaches you now, you know it’s not because more than half of your body is exposed and oiled down.  Covered up in denim, scarves and riding boots; it’s nice to know that someone is approaching you on a more wholesome and genuine level.  How do you get back on the scene when you’ve taking some time off? I suggest that you be sensible and open-minded about it.  Fall is a great time of year to get dressed early on a Saturday morning and head out to a museum or an art gallery.  Here in New York City, we have so many weekend activities to choose from.  There’s also a ton of things to do right here in Brooklyn! If you get the sense that someone’s admiring you from afar never be afraid to smile, wave or say, “Hey”. In all honesty, what do you have to lose?  NOTHING! I would encourage staying out of the bars and lounges unless you’re just out with your girls or your guy friends for a fun night out with no intentions set on meeting anyone.  What keeps me from meeting people in places like this, is the fear that it’ll be used against me down the road with a partner saying something like, “You met me in the bar, now you don’t like that I’m there every weekend?”  I’ll pass on that lol.   I suggest putting some effort into dating and even into, “By chance”, encounters by being smart about them. What are you looking for in an ideal partner?  We put so much effort into where we’ll go to school, our careers, who we select to watch our children, and yet when it comes to relationships we leave everything to fate and wing it.  You need to be clear on what you’re looking for before getting back out there. You can save yourself valuable time by just putting pen to paper and jotting down a few things you want and maybe even a few that you absolutely know that you don’t want.



So, now what if you’re not even remotely spontaneous enough to hop on the train, venture out and be open to a random encounter?  I mean let’s face it; many of us are a little uptight (I damn sure know that I am).  If we weren’t, there might be more of those random encounters of strangers having coffee.  If you’re not the spontaneous type you might want to spend your Saturday morning exploring the ins and outs of online dating, (while watching a romantic comedy dvd to help loosen you up).  This organized style of dating gives you somewhat of a prescreening advantage before actually going out with someone.  I personally like that but it does come with a fee. The more you’re willing to invest, the more you get out of the filtering, messaging, control, etc.   If you‘re a visual person, stimulated by physical looks or a by a person’s career background, you can surf until you find precisely what interest you.   I’ve been curious about online dating for a long time now but I’m also trying to let go of that controlling side that I recognize in myself.  I’ll typically do a free-trial run which allows you to view profiles but I never fully take the plunge by signing up and releasing my credit card information. I’m definitely giving it serious consideration this fall. Being safe is what matters most when it comes to any type of dating.  Watching television shows like MTV’s, “Catfish”, has opened my eyes to see that not everyone out there is completely truthful when it comes to uploading their online profiles.  I’m still a very old-fashion kind of girl in the sense that I would rather meet a guy through my own circle of friends or in a setting that provides a little bit more information than, “Hello, My Name is…”  I have my spiritual beliefs as well and in my heart I believe that none of us are going to meet that perfect stranger, in that perfectly strange setting, at that perfectly strange moment, until God is ready to intervene on our behalf.  In the meantime, staying engaged, having fun and learning the most you can about YOU, is what’s most important until that time finally arrives.   Dating can help you tremendously with that. You can learn a lot about what you want and what you don’t want from a relationship while you’re dating and that’s a really good thing! 

Listening to the opposite sex and getting a feel for how they view your gender is equally as important.  As a woman, I’m always eager to hear how men feel about being in committed relationships that involve traditional courtship, God and possibly marriage.  I’m sure men are interested in hearing women’s views and values on much of the same.  As a writer, I’m always interested to hear how both genders approach and view dating. One thing I’ve learned from conducting interviews is the importance of laying your cards on the table quickly. For example, waiting for the perfect moment to reveal that you’re abstaining from sex, or that you have 12 children will never happen!  Be completely honest about this even if you have to say it before ever meeting up with someone.  You have lost nothing if they make the choice to never meet with you.  You’ve taken control and actually filtered what you didn’t need right from the jump.  Many people nowadays view dating as a casual sexual relationship that involves having no strings attached. Although that may be so far on the other end of the spectrum from what dating means to you, it’s very important that your intentions and reasons for dating are voiced and understood at, “Hello”.  This will avoid any misunderstandings or hard feelings later down the road.  Don’t make any apologies for who you are or for what your belief system contains.  Just be fair to whomever you are involved with so that they have a choice when it comes to whether or not they choose to be involved with you.  Dating very well could lead to finding your life partner.  Keeping that in mind at all times will help you to cherish that person even in the early stages.  Have fun, be honest and under no circumstances do you ever, ever, ever compromise your sense of self.  It’s a cozy time of year to have a Pumpkin Spice Latte and get to know someone.  Be fearless in your fall dating J

Much Luv,