Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Aftermath of Cheating

Cheating reminds me of shattered glass. The shattered glass replicates the heart of the one that has been cheated on. I have never been able to put shattered glass back together. Have you??? Truth mixed with lies is an oxymoron.

This post is dedicated to one of my sister's. You are one of the strongest women that I know and you have always maintained that status. You are the mother to your four boys that I only wish that I could be. You are the model of what a daughter, mother, sister, and friend should be. Men will try us, but nothing they do can ever define us. I love you and I promise you that there is always sunshine after the rain.

When we make the decision to dedicate our life to another, we do so under the umbrella of prerequisites. For those of us that have money those prerequisites might be drawn up into a contract know as a prenuptial agreement. For the rest of us our prereq's are just silent understood whispers that say, "I'll do my part to love, honor and cherish you". "Just don't cheat on me asshole". The work that goes into a loving relationship between two people can never be underestimated. The love and support that it takes to continuously have your partner's back while forsaking all others in temptation is probably not half as easy as it sounds. This is why the commitment of marriage is one of the most difficult contractual laws that any human being even when on a complete and total spiritual journey can enter into. Many enter in knowing what they are up against, while some completely down play their union, and opt to wing it as they go along. The trust that it takes to give another person your heart in return for their respect, loyalty and admiration is something that I commend every married person for. It is so difficult for me to trust, and for me to place my heart in my future husband's hands would mean that he is a mighty special man and that he has touched my soul in a way that no other man here on my journey has thus far. Well, the question I pose to you then is what if he cheats? What if you married that special guy, and along with your heart you give him babies, a home, a future, and more and more of yourself with each day that turns into years of what you considered pure wedding bliss. What if you live up to each vow that you took on your wedding day and in sickness and health you continue to love a man who's health doesn't remain what it was on the special day that you chose one another? What if after long hours of work and maintaining your household you came home only to find emails that indicate infidelity and disrespect on levels that you could have never imagined your husband would engage in? Then what? What happens when the fairy-tale is somewhat a lie that your loving husband is sharing with a stranger? What happens when what appears to be perfect in your heart is tainted in his? There is no rhyme or reason to how a woman will cope with her man's or husband's infidelity, but I will clearly say this to any of my readers that are reading this post right now and considering that uphill thrill that comes with cheating. If your mate male or female doesn't leave your cheating butt then you better be good and ready to prepare yourself for the wrath that will come with them picking up the pieces to their broken heart. I would honestly be more afraid of my mate if they stayed than if they left.

This past Saturday, I caught up with one of my sister's that I haven't seen in years. Her life has always mirrored the type of life that I have wanted to live in someways. For the past 15 years or so she has been a dedicated military wife, and she has moved to countless states throughout the United States. Her loyalty has always been something that I have admired, while her husband's love seemed to have always been the key to the lock. After ups and downs, struggles and triumphs, they have always been a couple built on solid principles of love and respect. I was more than surprised when she explained her husband's recent infidelity and how it has affected their relationship. There are no excuses that can be made when it comes to infidelity. A husband cannot get bored because his wife works long hours nor can blame be placed on anyone other than the person that has decided to cheat. If a man can look across his dinner table and stare into the eyes of his beautiful children, his loving wife, and not keep that image with him when he decides to let a perfect stranger into his heart than there is most definitely a problem. I always think the reason that a person is so ready, willing and able to cheat is not only because they know that they can, but also because they never fully weigh the odds of losing all that they have at home. Why would a man spend years building the foundation of his family only to allow a few minutes of pleasure or a blow job take it all away? Logically, no fool on earth would do something so stupid, yet we live in a society where men and women cheat every single day. The innocent party (the person that has been cheated on) is now left with the weight of a decision that they should have never been faced with making in the first place. Do they stay or do they go? As human beings we all cope with things differently. If the rules of the union have been broken then of course divorce can be an option, but what if divorce was something that you said early on in your union was simply not for you? How do you cope with what has happened? Obviously, two can play at any game, but the torture of that will leave side-effects on the entire family and the damage has already been done.

The reason that I won't give any advice on this post is because cheating leaves such a huge impact that each one of us will deal with the repercussions of it differently according to how big the blow is. What I do hope to leave is the insight of weighing what is important to you when you decide to unfaithfully step out of your union. Whether you are in a lawful marriage or a committed relationship, cheating is an act that will leave one person with their heart in a million pieces. If you knew that conversing or having sex with a stranger could make your significant other pack their bags, and your children, and walk out of your life would you do it? Would it be worth it? I think if people took the time to think more with their brains and less with their body parts would live in a more peaceful and communal world. Jesus kept it very simple in the Bible when he said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

Much Luv

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  1. Very well put I love it! Thank you. Love you always!

  2. I Love you too Elena and you will always have my support! I can't wait until you come back to New York.

    Much Luv