Monday, November 1, 2010

Trying To Enjoy Mr. Right Now

Ok so even though I’ve been wrong about a lot of things in the past. My inner voice has been tugging at me to pay closer attention to someone I refer to as a great friend in my life. Someone I’m extremely proud of, and so glad to be able to even call my friend. I can talk to this person about anything and everything with no holds barred. We have real life conversations that don’t involve sex or what color panties I’m wearing. I’m guessing females always need a good male friend that they can talk to, and confide in but this is seemingly a little different. The one time we went out for dinner I was sure that I had the entire evening “in the bag” so to speak. I didn’t have any reservations about going out with him at all. I was a little sleepy (a Friday evening after work), I was dressed down, feeling breezy, yet the moment I saw him I quickly began to rethink everything. I had on Uggs ladies & gents and we all know there is nothing sexy about that!!!! I immediately wanted to go upstairs and change into the sexiest pair of heels that I could find in my closet. Friends don’t make us feel like running upstairs and changing into a sexy pair of heels do they? Next, I realized how nervous I was. Nervous damn near to the extent that I couldn’t even keep up with our conversation; my mind kept reverting back to what I had on, how my hair looked, and why the hell I had underestimated the evening in the first place. I couldn’t even order because I felt like I couldn’t eat in front of him (Ladies he is fine). It had been a really long time since the last time we had seen each other, and clearly I had just blown the evening. Looking back now it really puts a smile across my face as to how nervous I was. The interesting thing is that I really wanted to be arm and arm, or maybe even hand and hand with him but it would’ve been too weird for me to say that. We complimented one another so nicely, and I think that he was aware of that too. I’m such a hopeless romantic so I can imagine that many of you may be reading this right now and thinking, “Why is she looking”, or “God will send her someone”, but I believe that when signs are clear or when red flags go up (and they typically don’t on my end) it’s really important to take detailed notes and to pay very close attention. I would never jump out of a window and ask him if he picked up on the same energy that evening (although I did recently ask him to marry me in 5 years, which he playfully agreed to lol). Things are never really that simple although I often think they should be. If my hunch in this case is correct there are still a lot of things that divide this person and I, including distance. We don’t live in the same city and if my instincts are nudging me correctly then the timing for him and I is just off at the moment.

With all of that being said I’ve been trying to cut myself some slack and still enjoy my life. That’s easier said than done when you’re looking at anyone who enters the equation as simply a passerby or like the title of the post, “Mr. Right Now”. He’s not the guy that you see yourself spending the rest of your life with for whatever the reason. He’s definitely not the guy that you look into his eyes and see your future. This is where I’m at in this stage of the game at the moment. My mind feels like it’s a complete and total waste of time to spend time with someone I can’t see myself being serious with. If there’s not a will to win and just a will to kind of hangout I’m simply like, “Why bother?” I’m such a go hard. I’m wondering if it’s just best to focus on my family life and my career along with putting some serious energy into praying and moving the mountains that serve as road blocks to the situation I spoke about above. The crossroads of life suck!!! There’s another side of me that reminds myself that we learn something from everyone that enters our lives even when we do just have them there for a short period of time. For those of you that read and know me personally I’m really dry at times. I’m the person that needs a drink before I even head to the party just so that I can really be bubbly versus overly observant and dry. Look at how I’m contemplating over Mr. Right Now lol. I don’t just jump into anything that I do. I will admit that I tend to over think most of the situations in my life but for the most part that has served as a tool to keeping my head above water. What do I do now… I find myself looking to my readers for advice.

How does one just enjoy someone in the present? We’re encouraged to enjoy life in present and to live each day like it’s our last. When you get to be my age how do you just contemplate having fun in between the sheets with someone versus doing it to go in for the long haul. I’m sorry but I’m really past that. I don’t want to just “lay up” with someone that I’m not claiming or vice versa. I can’t see sitting at restaurants and having dinner if I can’t see having dinner with you again. It just seems like such a complete and total waste of time and energy. Everything I write about generally condemns booty calls so now I’m at a crossroad where I will either have to engage in one or I will have to choose abstinence and just enjoy single life while it last. What a place to be. I guess this is all part of being a grown up. The amount of self respect I have for myself just really limits me from doing anything that doesn’t make complete and logical sense to me. Someone calling me their baby temporarily makes no difference to me. Does that mean that I don’t have a fun side? “No”, it doesn’t. I still have a fun side that’s easy going but not when it comes to sharing my goods with a random stranger just for the sake of having an orgasm that isn’t even guaranteed. I’m not with it! I love flirting, and having, fun and engaging with the opposite sex. At the moment I’m just not interested in taking it any further than that. As I continue to type I find myself sighing because whether he reciprocates my feelings or not I think the way I’m feeling is all a result of having come across Mr. Right. Who knows?

Much Luv

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  1. I honestly do not believe there is such a thing as Mister or Misses Right, but that's probably the disenchanted side of me speaking.

    I've always looked at relationships as being jobs where one has to put in the necessary amount of work in order to truly receive anything in return. Not so much love itself, but relationships.

    That said, it does appear that you are giddy towards your friend, due to the fact that y'all compliment each other well.

    Hmmm. If I'm him and the woman is you ... I believe that I will simply enjoy the good times, and vibes that promote even more good times.

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  3. The B.C. Chronicles said...
    Hi Don:

    As always, I thank you for commenting. I've been just as disenchanted as you at times and I myself gave up on finding "Mr. Right" here and there. Something at my heart always pulls me back, and it leads me to believe that there is some lucky man out there that God does in fact intend for me to spend the latter half of my life with. Who will be, and when he will come is still a total mistery. I'm finally at a place where I'm open to receiving the love. As far as my friend and my giddiness towards him I think it's more of me just trying not to leave any stones unturned. If my friend felt the same vibe then obviously I would be writting a very diffent blog lol. So maybe I should just be thankful that he doesn't look at me the same way that I do him.

    *Sighs* Like they say when I stop looking I'm sure he'll come lol. In the interim all I can do is enjoy this journey of being a single woman and learning more and more about the pursuit of happiness. I love me and I love my life. Everything else will fall into place accordingly in God's time I'm sure.

    Much Luv