Monday, October 11, 2010

Lacking Some Loving

Ok B.C. Readers so I'm sitting here in my living room realizing how empty my love tank is!!!Whoaaaaaa the tank is on super empty, and on the flip side of being depressed about it I'm actually embracing the revelation and putting thought into how I'd like to move forward. Sex is a bit overrated if you ask me, but at the same time I do remember how good it feels lol. Times like this makes me think one of two things. Do I continue on this survivor path, and embrace celibacy, or do I embrace the mix and mingle crowd, and find one lucky gentleman to spend my time with. One thing that's been happening during this "Lacking Loving" period is that I've been embracing all the qualities I love most about myself. I love my feet and that's why I treat them so good. There is nothing better than when I'm having "Me time" that includes a Spa Pedi and Mani. When I pick polish for my toes you would think that I'm shopping at the mall for a new top! I Love Essie polish so shout outs to the makers of that! I even love the sexy little names they give each polish like, "Sugar Daddy", "After Sex", "Spaghetti Straps", and lots more. The things that keep me feeling sexy keep me moving forward, but they also make me realize how badly I'd like to spend my time with someone significantly worthy. Feeling sexy after a mani and pedi doesn't make me want to search my phone book for a booty call. It makes me want to eat, pray, talk, laugh, love and spend my time with someone that enjoys me! Someone that I can curl up on the couch with and watch Kevin Hart until I piss on myself (joking). I don't know if it's the age, but I'm not interested in a sexcapade just a real man that can dig a real woman. Now I have to be so clear when I say these things because I've spent a whole Summer hearing random dudes say things like, "I read your blog I'm exactly what you're looking for". Do understand the basics. There has to be a vibe. A connection, a chemistry, a something! We have to start at 1 and I'm not skipping to 25 no matter what the circumstance is. I've also been experiencing a bit of Cougarville these days. As flattering as that is I have to say to all of you young sweet men that say I don't look a day over 25 thank you, but I promise you I'm 29+. I'm trying very hard to behave myself lol (not easy).

I'm approaching that stage in the game where walking the dog for long walks in the park is sounding so on point. Putting my arm on his, and walking and talking is what I want to be doing. Going to the movies and then making a home movie is what my thoughts have been like. Buying a house and turning it into a home with someone. The loss of so many friends constantly forces me to remember how short this life is, and I feel like I owe it to myself to spend it with someone great. I don't want to give you guys the impression that I walk around all day thinking about being in a relationship because that would be far from the truth. It's something that I think about every now and then, and it's something that I would like to get right on the next go around. I'm noticing that the longer one stays out of the game the harder it is to jump back in. Shit!!!! I'm at a total crossroads with it. I stick one foot in, and then I pull it right back out! Ladies and gents be careful during this stage. I remember a few years back I met a sweet guy that I could actually picture spending my life with. I loved his connection to his family. I spent every date we went on telling him, "I'm not looking for a relationship". I was so hurt from the relationship prior to meeting him that I just couldn't wear a title. I didn't want to be his girlfriend until all I wanted was to be his girlfriend, and unfortunately by then it was too late. He was gone, and I was left holding onto my pride and realizing how stupid I sounded throughout saying that I wasn't looking for something that I totally was looking for. Life!!! The good thing about blowing stuff is learning from it and not doing it again. I believe in 2nd chances but with somethings you just don't get them. The one thing that stands out to me the most through my own mistakes is to be sure that when you're feeling a vibe you stick with it! Ride the damn surfboard until you fall into the water. I make the mistake of second guessing myself so often. So worried about what other people will think and that is so foolish. At the end of the day folks are not sitting there contributing to your life, or most importantly to your livelihood!!! I can honestly say that I've let a few good ones go by for fear of what others would have to say, and for a lack of faith in the development of the union. Shame on me but lesson well-learned.

Finally, fun has to be on the menu! Fun has to be incorporated into everything! That's for everything we do from sitting at our offices to going on a first date! All my friends know I must have been a comedian in one of my past lives because I damn sure think I'm funny as hell! If you haven't watched Kevin Hart tell his "Ostrich" skit then please go and do so right this minute on You Tube!!! Live, Love, and Laugh that's what I want for my life, and that's what I wish for all of yours! Keep reading and I'll keep writing!

R.I.P. to My Grandma & Grandpa, Eric, Tony Dance, Alex Lawson, Derrick Warren, & Keontay Rosario...(Also to many other friends that I have lost along the way) You are all missed and eventually I'll see you in Heaven!

Much Luv

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