Growing Pains

I woke up this morning with chest pains. Literally each and every time I took a deep breath I felt like it would be my last. The love of a child can do this easily to any parent. Once you’ve had the experience of bringing a child into this world, and having to live for more than just yourself, I find that your whole original perspective on life totally switches up. I knew exactly what the pains in my chest were stemming from when I arose from my bed. Nothing that I needed to run to the emergency room for; more like a heavy anxiety brought on by a situation one of my children is dealing with. A parent’s mind will tailspin. We will struggle with ourselves when our children are off course and we will ask ourselves, “Where did I go wrong?” When did I get so busy or so consumed with my own life that I allowed myself to forget who I’m really in this world living for? A parent will always have righteous moments in life when we’ll say things just to hear ourselves speak like, “I’m living my life for me, and not just for my kids.” Ha ha, I laugh when I try to make myself believe this one. It stems from the idea that if we don’t live for ourselves then who are we really going to be able to help along the way. If I had to be honest I know that each and every day I see a new day I do it all for them. My life doesn’t mean half as much as it used to with them in it. The hardest thing that I have to continuously remind myself of these days is that they’re not living for me. When they make mistakes on their journey it’s not for me to take some personal offense to it or to even feel overwhelmingly disappointed. The journey is theirs to live. They will have to make mistakes and learn from them in order to become the unique individuals that God has intended for each one of them to be. I’m the one that God has placed on their path to provide guidance. Guidance isn’t some strict rule book that points fingers and teaches you how to do things perfectly.

Guidance on the other hand means that I can share my experiences, my stories and my outcomes with them. I can only speak for myself and it’s ultimately up to them which road they choose to travel. Guidance means even when they choose the wrong road or what I think is the wrong road I must still maintain my support of them. I am obligated to still provide the wind beneath their wings as God appointed me to do so when they entered into the world through me. Strict parenting often results in carefree kids that make a lot of bad choices (Beware of this). Kids that are so desperately trying to scout out that little moment of freedom and go ballistic when they encounter it. Growing pains are lessons learned for both parents and their children. If parents can take just a moment not to beat themselves up for a mistake their child has made then I think the whole process of parenting will make a lot more sense overall. I haven’t come across a parent of a teen yet that has explained the experience of raising a teen as something that’s blissful and filled with joy. It’s a difficult time for both parties involved and the timeframe will require a ton of patience on the parents’ behalf. If situations are embraced and worked through rather than scolded and looked down upon the pair can offer become even closer as a result. There are so many elements required to parenting effectively and I often feel spirituality is probably the most important. I’m not saying that educational guidelines aren’t necessary but God can always take the edge off. An hour well spent in church hearing a pastor or a priest preach the Gospel of the Lord can take so much stress off of anyone’s heart. Just simple gestures of love reiterated, and knowing that at all times God is Love can be such a positive reinforcement for a parent struggling with raising a child.

When it comes to good parenting just keep in mind that the good times will always outweigh the bad and for every time you think that everything you say goes in one ear and right back out the other just know you’re wrong. They hear it all and they are really just trying to find a way to process it all. They try to incorporate the things we tell them in a way that makes them still feel independent and less like they are living under dictatorship. If anyone ever asked me how parenthood has changed me, I would say parenthood has changed me for the better and has showed me that I am capable of loving more than just myself. It has brought to light qualities within myself like nurturing, caring and compassion while at the same time it has taught me how to vent anger that might make me hurt somebody! Don’t hurt your kid’s people! Love them and remember God is Love all the time!

Much Luv