Monday, July 26, 2010

Dating No-No's

Ok so in lieu of my Birthday, which was Sunday (7/25), I decided to accept an offer by a male friend for lunch and drinks on Monday afternoon. Ladies & Gents you need to set the bar high, extremely high (I'm having a Steve Harvey moment here). Because he's a friend I'm going to give him the ez-pass on a number of things he did wrong, yet I'm going to take the time to point them out anyway to hopefully avoid future mishaps. I was just reading a blog last night that I truly enjoy written by the opposite sex (hint, hint), and it pointed out that singles are the worse to offer advice as the obvious is stated. I'm going to beg to differ on that one for many different reasons. Singles have so much insight. Whether we've lost love, failed at love, been compromised by love, or just suck at love, we know what we want and what we don't want. So when the latter appears we are able to dodge it quickly and relevantly. My date gave me a little more than 24-hours notice, yet he never seemed clearly set on what he wanted to do, or in exactly what time frame. A lunch date turned into an early dinner date, and all because he didn't seem to have a concrete plan to begin with. I'm flattered that he thought of me and my birthday yet I don't want to be any one's last minute "squeeze in". We spoke several times that day on the telephone before he picked me up, and I can honestly tell you that I was excited. Not school girl giddy, but excited.

My favorite section of Brooklyn right now is between Fort Greene and Park Slope so being that my friend is from BK, I was interested to see what he had in store. He told me to come downstairs (in 90 degree NYC heat), yet it took him about 10 mins to finally appear. Fellas, the front door pick-up is so very much appreciated, but please don't call a lady until you're physically in front of her house or building. It will save initial frustration trust me. When he arrived I greeted him with a kiss on the cheek, and a hug. I haven't seen him for quite awhile now, and I wanted him to know that I was enthusiastic about the outing. The route we were on let me know that we were on our way to BK so I said, "Wow, I figured you would've just wanted to eat in Queens" not that I didn't want to head to BK, but again to have an idea of what the plan was. He said, "B, I have to stop home and get dressed", "I have on my work clothes". WRONG!!! I hit him with the, "excuse me *eyes rolling*" and he was like, "B had I told you ahead of time you wouldn't have come". Ummmm yeah exactly! Ugh!!!! is the only word that can clearly explain how I felt. Fellas please don't do this. Especially, to a woman who isn't driving her own vehicle. You take our control away. Not that we need to have all of the control, yet we should have just as much control as you do in the situation. Being polite, and convincing myself that I needed to be very open-minded about this dating thing I decided to tuck my attitude away, and to accept that I had been involuntarily kidnapped.

I knew my friend had gone through some recent changes in his life, which I opted to make the topic of discussion. He was living in his new place for a short while after breaking up with his on-again, off-again girlfriend. He seemed settled and proud of his new place so I wondered if maybe him taking me there was his way of showing me all that he was proud of. He's not what I would consider to be the "fresh-type", so I knew he wasn't taking me there with any ill intention. Again, with my attitude deeply tucked away I asked him how he was managing without his relationship. Everything seemed "sugar on top" fine. He explained that it was his "ex's" idea to completely call the relationship off, and in her honesty she let him know that he just wasn't what she was looking for and he moved-out of her place accordingly . In my mind, I commended her honesty, yet I sympathized with the hurt that must have caused him. Needless to say, everything is never exactly what it seems. I asked him if hitting the dating scene was advisable at this stage in his early transition and he came back with, "She's dating". Folks your instinct's will never let you down. My excitement for the date immediately started to shift as I started thinking, "What the hell have I gotten myself into here?". Again, because he's my friend it wasn't the worse case scenario, but still not one I wanted to be in. Now had he had a plan, and picked me up dressed and ready to go for lunch and drinks (as offered) then everything would have worked out accordingly. He would have had his time to vent over the past relationship and tell me how great he's doing and so on and so forth, but with this longer more stretched out date there was too much time for me to evaluate that "great" was so far from where he was actually at.

I was impressed by both his new neighborhood and his new place. As I found him putting on the TV, and the AC I reminded him that he was getting dressed and we were leaving shortly. Ladies always stand your ground. It's men's job to persuade us to do everything that makes no sense and in this economy I can understand the penny pinching but not on my Birthday! I waited patiently for what literally took over an hour. As we headed back out the door I was really hungry. I didn't eat lunch and now it was nearly dinner time. He asked what if any ideas on food I had, and I told him that when it comes to food I'm honestly not too picky. His apartment was in close proximity to this Jamaican restaurant I really enjoy so I suggested that we go there. I picked up on his feelings of reservation but I was completely clueless as to what they were about? At this point I honestly just wanted to eat and go home. I should have made more selections yet the restaurant being so close just seemed to make sense. He went as far as asking me if I was worried about running into anyone there and that is the question that completely and totally through me for a loop. Fellas why do ya'll do that? Why do you try and throw your own reservations about things on us? What was unbeknownst to me at the time was that his "ex-girlfriend" lived very close to the restaurant, and it was somewhere that they had gone together. The universe will give you every single thing you ask for including chaos and drama. What I also didn't know was that he was nervous. I picked up on him acting a little weird but foolishly I thought that was about being with me ha ha ha WRONG again! I could see from far that the restaurant had been beautifully renovated since I had last been there and my excitement for the date started to resurface again. The restaurant is a professional establishment and we were nicely greeted and seated by our waitress upon arrival. I took a quick inventory of the place which was moderately full. There were kats at the bar, some seated to eat, some couples seated and a few big wills with girls seated at a long table in the back. I was comfortable.

Coming in we both pretty much knew what we wanted to eat. Right before we ordered his cell phone rang. Awkward, was the only thing that came to mind because once he looked at it he excused himself, and walked out of the restaurant. I would never disrespect a date or a friend at a table and answer my phone unless it was completely and totally necessary. Awkwardness, turned into embarrassment in a heartbeat. Our waitress came over and took my order and asked if I knew what he wanted, and I said, "no". She picked-up on the vibe. Shout out to her. He walked back in as she was just walking away from the table, he ordered his meal and said to her "I think we might be taking that order to go". Embarrassment turned into shock!! Let me reiterate that this man is my friend, yet we were not out as friends that were not exploring the idea of dating regularly. He looked at me and said, "Someone saw us coming in here", and my childlike response was "so". Understand, I'm not out with someone who is not available to be out. I'm out with a "single man", as he has presented his situation to me. He was like, "you still want to eat here?" "That was my ex and she might show up here." I was like, "and what exactly would she show up here for?" "You are her ex-boyfriend" "Correct?". Nevertheless, here I am in a situation that I could have totally avoided had I exercised better judgment and just said, "no" to begin with. Ya'll would probably think I live for this stuff and would classically want something like this to happen but I promise you that is not the case.

He went on, and explained that what was bothering him so much was the fact that she was crying. I'm thinking, "Crying whoooa that's deep." Now let me recap, and remind ya'll. This is the same chick two hours ago that he went on about. "She's dating", she told me I'm not what she's looking for. Ok (deep breath), this is why relationships are so damn complicated and my new rule will be never date anyone that has not been single for at least 6-months. My friend would've done himself a favor by asking "B.C." vs "B" to come out with him, and instead just used the time to vent about how on the fence he was about this girl that he was obviously still in love with. "B" accepted that once again, she had been dealt the luck of the draw, and I reactivated myself into total "BC" mode. He would answer that phone mid-conversation once again, and that would be the last time he did that before totally pissing me off. I decided to walk away, free-up our table, and to walk to the front of the restaurant. I couldn't bring myself to walk over to the "take-out" section of the restaurant. Deep yoga breaths in tow I just removed myself from the situation and shook it off. The waitress walked over and said, "should I pack the orders separately" and I responded, "definitely". When he walked back in I realized what bothered me most was the comical humor he displayed. I understood it because it appeared to be how good he felt that she still cared, but I was bothered by it at the same time. As he continued to be rude he walked over to a friend that briefly acknowledged him on one of his trips out the door to speak on his phone. It seemed almost comical how he explained what was going on to his boy. The waitress gestured that our orders were ready. I thanked her again to show my appreciation. He hauled ass to his vehicle, and I followed behind quickly. He managed to still find the time to open my door.

By the time he dropped me off he wondered if he should call her, and I told him that he should. Make no mistake that I believe in love and in fighting for it, also make no mistake that I do not choose to be involved in silly antics that resemble circus acts. To my friend's credit he apologized repeatedly, and said that he would surely make it up on another date. There most definitely won't be another date. Fellas if the timing isn't right don't do it because 9 out of 10 it will backfire. Love the one your with or want to be with and safe the rest of us a headache by leaving us alone.

Much Luv


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