Sunday, July 11, 2010

Checking-Out of The Heartbreak Hotel

Love was on the rise this weekend in NYC, as La La Vazquez and Carmelo Anthony finally took the plunge into holy matrimony on Saturday 7/10. Congratulations, to the happy & beautiful couple! La La and Carmelo were engaged for five-years, which may restore hope in many that Love can truly conquer all in the end. The media gave good indication that an engagement would never come and that marriage would never be an option for the couple. I'm glad La La and Carmelo went at their own pace an ultimately defied the odds. By no means am I telling every girl or guy out there to hang around and wait forever. You have to know who you're with and you have to do what works best for you and your relationship. For some couples wedding bells may be in the cards but for others, it may just be time to check-out of the heartbreak hotel and to move onto fresh and new horizons. If you are finding yourself stuck in a relationship that is going so far left in the opposite direction of marriage and if marriage is something that you're looking for than it may be time to move on. You may also find yourself in a situation where you thought marriage and commitment were on the brink, but your hunni let you know otherwise and walked away.

The hardest part of a break-up after the acceptance, mourning, and anger stages, is typically finding the strength to move forward. A break-up can make you feel like you're down on your luck. So what can you do to get back out there and find the strength to trust another person with your heart? How much can our fragile hearts take? For some of us a summer dating challenge may be just the right start, but for others a self-pity party may be more appealing. I know I have sat on my couch many of nights curled up with a pint of Haagen Dazs Creamy Butter Pecan ice cream, and one of my favorite romantic comedies. I've played countless love songs on repeat only to make myself feel worse about why the relationship didn't work. Break-ups are really hard, but what's even harder is when we get to a point in our lives that we want so badly for a relationship to work. The knock out becomes that much harder of a blow when we dissect the failure from that prospective. The fact that the permanence of death isn't attached to a break-up is all the more reason to quickly bounce back from it.

I've decided that by removing the aspect of failure and by simply saying that if a "tried attempt" doesn't work out it just really boils down to compatibility. You and that person were just not that compatible and therefore the connection didn't go any further. When I hear things like, "It's his loss", or "I was the best thing that ever happened to her", I shake my head because honestly it's really no ones loss and more of a gain or a blessing in disguise. We hurt ourselves by blaming ourselves and by then trying to figure out what we didn't do right to keep the union in tact. In some cases we end up trying way too hard. In all actuality, that guy or girl may be the best thing that happens to someone else. The reality of a break-up is that we get another chance to learn what does, and what doesn't work for us. Although, it's an often heart wrenching experience to go through it can be used as the light that leads us to a positive and more healthy relationship. Keeping the faith is what helps to restore the hope. The lonely stage is probably the hardest of all the break-up stages. My suggestion for working through this stage would be massive doses of self-respect. The ironic thing in all of this is that we all know that with a little time we'll survive. The self-respect will come in handy because this is often the stage where some ex-couples evolve into booty calls. The ex will often make him or herself available if you are a willing participant. The reason this is so detrimental is because closure is no longer an option and someones heart breaks more. The shift in consciousness that I would ultimately like to see occur here is growth after the storm. I believe in Love and I also believe that some couples that go through a break-up can make their way back to each other but there has to be a period of time spent apart and spent apart means no casual sex. If absence truly makes the heart grow fonder than absence has to actually occur. Many have said, "To get over someone you need to get under someone else", but it's been my experience that rebounding can open a whole other can of misery worms.

Ultimately, my hope is that for any of us struggling with heartbreak and loneliness that we can feel inspired enough by Love alone to pack our bags and check-out of the Heartbreak Hotel. We owe it to our fragile hearts to go out there and meet people who will nurture and fill our love tanks. The sweetest thing about starting fresh is just that...starting fresh! Meeting someone who at the forefront does not take us for granted and appreciates us in a whole new light. We can open any magazine on newsstands today and see some couple getting married. Shaking off the hurt of a break-up is easier said than done but if we can remind ourselves that God envisions love and happiness in our lives for us then we must know that Mr. or Mrs. Right is somewhere out in the world with our name tattoo'd across their heart. Love yourself as much as you possibly can in the meanwhile, knowing and respecting your worth at all times. Happy Dating and keep me posted on all of your dating and relationship success.

Much Luv


No comments:

Post a Comment