The Brooklyn Chronicles, Inc., is a lifestyle blog that promotes Peace & Love. Encouraging healthy lifestyle, from relationships to good nutrition. Barbara interviews and uplifts Brooklynites that have experienced some of life's most adverse circumstances. Connection with another person in any capacity that is positive is priceless! Barbara teaches through her own personal experiences in love, loss and adversity. She focuses on the importance of self-love, while emphasizing that deep connection with the Creator, God, Jesus, and the Spirit are key to liberation from all of the chains that bind us. The ultimate result is a happy and joyful life free of baggage.
Barbara A. Crooks graduated from St. John's University (Queens Campus) in 2005 with a B.A. in Sociology. She enjoys promoting and encouraging healthy positive relationships that are built on love. She understands that the key to loving another unconditionally is to 1st love, know, and accept oneself wholeheartedly. The journey to loving oneself isn't always easy and one may encounter many obstacles along the way. She offers advice through her own experiences, which she hopes will assist readers on their journey. She is a loving mother of three beautiful & bright children. Barbara was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. She now resides in Queens, New York with her children.
As my "Sizzling Spicy Hot Summer Romance 2010 Challenge," is just about to kick off. I've been giving some serious thought as to what I will, and will not, deal with when it comes to dating. There are certain things at my age that I just won't bend and/or compromise on, and I challenge all of my fellow daters out there to start thinking the same way. I'm a free spirited person and I always have been. To some that means I don't take life too seriously. I'm not looking to work at a job for 35 years, earning a plaque or a free coffee pot after each 10 year mark. Coming from a household where pension plans and retirement packages were the topic of frequent dinner conversations I do realize the importance of a retirement foundation to fall back on and I don't knock anyone who pursues their happiness that way. I'm just not that person and quite frankly 10 years at any particular job would feel like a jail sentence to me. So what I thought to myself recently was, am I looking for a free spirited guy or would it be a better balance for me to get with the career oriented pension plan guy? Would I end up resenting a guy that punches a clock everyday, and looks forward to his pension plan, and his annual company family picnic? Would it be a good balance or would it be a deal breaker for me and force me to run in the opposite direction?
At the very top of the deal breaker list I created, I noted, "no cigarette smoking", as something I just won't bend on. The habit itself is absolutely asinine to me especially within a world that is shifting towards such health consciousness. Not to mention, but I had more than my share of secondhand smoke growing up as a child and I just simply can't be with someone who would want to share our personal space with cigarette smoke. Finger issues were high on my list as well and looking at my own fingers it's making me wonder if I'm simply looking for a male me (ha ha!) I tend to be attracted to fingers that are long and slender with long nail beds that are clean and unbitten. Men who have short stumpy fingers with bitten fingernails have simply never caught my attention. A person's hands and the way they keep them says a lot about that person on so many levels. When I see bitten fingernails I automatically tend to think of fear, nervousness, stress and worry. They look a mess, which just automatically makes me visualize a mess. When I sat down to make this list I never realized how many different directions it would take me within the thought process and I'm really happy I decided to do it. My list helped me to realize how much I love men's cologne. I can walk into Macy's at Herald Square on any given occasion and spend more time in the Men's Fragrance Dept. than in the Women's. One of my all time favorite male fragrances is Brit, by Burberry. A man's scent when he wears cologne is not just irresistible to me but it's also intoxicating. True story, I was dating this guy once and he smelled so delicious that when the date was over and we left the Floridian Dinner in Brooklyn, I asked him if I could have his shirt (he did have on a shirt under). Needless to say, he said, "no", lol and he got in his car and I got in mine. Cologne is such a big deal for me so I thought back to my childhood and realized that my dad's signature scent Jovan Musk for Men was something I came to depend on. I knew when my dad was home because of it and when he wasn't around I could just pick up his shirt and still smell it. As funny as it may sound cologne, just like perfume can create an invisible connection to a person. Once you begin to associate that scent with that person the connection has already been created.
Obviously, our childhood influences contribute so much as to how we perceive the world we live in and in this case me preferring to date a man that wears cologne. You have no idea how many men I meet that say because of skin allergies or just because they prefer soap alone they don't wear it. Knowing this I couldn't realistically add it to my list as a deal breaker. It is most definitely a preference but it's not something that would cause me not to date a man. Then I moved onto height and readers your girl BC is not a shorty! I'm about 5'7" and when I put on a pair of high heels I'm between 5'10" and 5'11". I have to be brutally honest here and because I typically opt to wear heels when I go out, I'm not going to date a man that's 5'4". A suitor doesn't have to be 6'2" but he can't be 5'4" and I won't bend on that. I realize that means that I will miss out on a lot of great short guys out there and I also realize how shallow I sound but please note I'm being true to self. My list also made me think of all of you, and I began wondering what my dating readers list would consist of and what my married readers lists used to look like before they found their special life partner? For my fellas, what if a lady doesn't know how and refuses to learn how to cook? If everything else about her is fabulous than is that a deal breaker that gets her left in the wind or would you bend and do the cooking yourself? What if she's the hottest chick you've ever seen and she's a chain smoker? What if she has big eyeballs like your girl BC? And for my ladies, if you don't drink alcohol and he does is that a deal breaker? If you're a health nut and he loves McDonald's can the love still flourish ? If he wears sneakers and you prefer shoes, is he a keeper that can change his style or is he a throwback? In addition, there are some habitual deal breakers for me as well. ESPN I can do 100%, but videos games including the little handheld ones...NOPE!
It's important to look at these things now rather than after jumping into the dating pool and wasting each others time. Some of the things we simply brush off as pet peeves can lead to serious disagreements down the road that could've easily been avoided with some brutal honesty to begin with. A man or a woman who doesn't take care of their children are not going to miraculously start doing so once they meet you. A woman that doesn't have a job isn't going to run out and get one because you're dating her. Daters of any age can benefit from these tips because ultimately they boil down to being true to self and not settling. Dating should be just as refreshing as laying down on a bed with newly cleaned sheets on it. Overall the experience is intended to be fun. Past relationships should stay in the past where they belong. Jadedness and scorness should be long resolved before delving back into the dating sea. Rebounders should spend at minimum 3 months single and getting to know themselves before attempting to date again. Deal breakers should be very clearly outlined and when you meet a nice man or woman who falls within your deal breaker box then you should be polite as ever and let them know, not what your deal breaker is or isn't, but that they're just not someone you'd be interesting in dating. Try something new whenever you have the nerve or the chance because you never know? The grass might actually be greener on the other side yet you'll never know if you don't try. Watch the romantic comedy,"Something New" if you need some help thinking outside of the box and enjoy dating because again, it's intended to be a fun experience. Keep integrity and honesty at the forefront and if you have 10 kids please be honest!
Thank you Aaliyah:)
Much Luv
~BC~
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"It's important to look at these things now rather than after jumping into the dating pool and wasting each others time."- one of the most important things you can do during the early stages
ReplyDeleteHi Curtis:
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting. It's hard to be honest when it comes to these things because no one wants to seem too shallow or superficial. Yet these are the same things couples will argue over down the line. Why not try to be clear and have a clear outlook ahead of time.
Much Luv
~BC~