Introducing My Spring Relationship Series Kick-Off

 

I'm so excited to launch my new relationship series!  My spring relationship series will include a little bit of everything for everyone.  I've been studying some of the most intense relationships over the past year (including my own failed attempt), and some of what I've learned has been shocking!!! My firmest and most concrete understanding of all that I’ve learned is this: God is Love! He wants what is best for each of us in every single situation and it’s really just that simple.  When something doesn’t feel right instinctually, 9 out of 10 God isn’t involved in it at all. Our culture has seemingly fallen asleep and in its slumber has found ways to shut out God’s Love and even worse to ignore it.  I’ve discovered that for most people it’s easier to fall victim to our more natural sinful nature then to put in the hard work and effort that it takes to do what’s right. Building character submerged in integrity in a world that’s built on lies isn’t always an easy feat. Across the board I’m finding that relationships that are built on the Word of God, in Honor, in Truth, in Commitment, in Loyalty and in Love are the ones that have the most endurance and the greatest chance of survival.  All relationships in general require an unbelievable amount of physical and mental patience and perseverance.  Living with and adjusting to your mate’s personality, beliefs, customs and character traits, won’t be easy all of the time.  It would be impossible for anyone to think that marriage is some sort of constant joy ride on the back of a truck filled with haystacks.  It’s not!  The couples that learn to lean on God’s understanding versus their own understanding will always have an advantage to overcome the adversity of normal bickering.

 These couples are enlightened with the knowledge to understand that only God’s unfailing Love can sustain their union. A minister from California, Patricia Ashley, puts it this way, “God Loves your mate more than you do”. “God will work it out.” These principles can apply to singles that are looking for love as well.   Singles need to be aware that even in times of loneliness, despair, and struggle; God is preparing someone special to love, care and to protect your heart.  With careful observation these are some of the conclusions that I’ve come to but it’s taken me some time. For some additional guidance with this I advise both men and women to read Ephesians 5 in the Bible, which offers a spiritual guide to relationships. I found additional support for healthy relationships in the Book of Titus.   What I think you’ll find most interesting is the wealth of information that I’ve collected on a whole for this series.  I had to have conversations that were extremely uncomfortable, listen to music that makes me cringe and really try to get to the root of what is tearing us away from finding spiritual long-lasting Love in a very cold and evil world.  Instagram, Reality Television, Facebook, Online-Dating sites, Over-zealous rappers (degrading women in every sense of the word), Women compromising their morals with jobs that are defiling, are just some of the outlets to name a few that are actively working against our favor. Let’s take this journey together so that I can fully dissect everything that I encountered carefully.  I ‘m hoping that once we get through the mud we can start working on the solutions to some of what I see as being our biggest issues in a divorce centered culture. Spring is a season of cleansing and renewal and I've always felt that way.  I hope that by bringing some of these issues to the forefront we can move forward in positive unison.

Our culture is still harboring harsh opinions about homosexuality. I've discovered how this is backfiring and spilling over into some of our seemingly heterosexual relationships. Men that are uncomfortable with fully coming out of the closet are actually getting involved with heterosexual women and in some instances even marrying and having babies with these women. This down-low lifestyle is being used as a means to cover-up their gay reality and is a major contributing factor in spreading STI's.  This month I'll be interviewing Author B. Styliz Ortiz who wrote the book, "Pretty Boy With The House in Virginia".  This writer from Brooklyn, speaks candidly in his book about struggling with HIV and the dangers of promiscuity. B. Styliz Ortiz also has a blogsite that you can read on wordpress, at: http://prettyboywithhiv.wordpress.com. Before ever learning of B's story on Twitter I was learning much of this little dirty secret world from my own friends and it was quite shocking to me! Awareness is my biggest, biggest goal for Summer 2013 and I can't emphasize that enough.  The culture that we live in today focuses so much on oneness and independence that it's easy to lose sight on the importance of Love and interdependence in the midst of it all. Singer Pink has this great song out now featuring Nate Ruess called, "Just Give Me a Reason", and it offers so much hope for couples that have hit that ugly brick wall that seems so impossible to climb over.  This is the Hope that so many of us have lost in our loves and this season I pray earnestly that we get it back! Every relationship isn't meant to be left flat or to just walk away from.  Some relationships are truly Blessings from God that we just have to work through a tiny bit.  When the name of another person is written on your heart, why just walk away?   We can learn to love again if we just realize that, "We're not broken, just bent".  I'm so optimistic this season and I so want to be here every step of the way to answer your questions and to offer you the best possible advice I can.  
I promise in the midst of this series I will post a live video message for my readers.  I'll check to see where we're at with the series and you'll get a little inside view of my life as a writer.  I'm excited to begin this journey with you!  I decided to start the series with, "After The Booty Call", which is already posted.  I want to bring light to the darkest areas first so that we can shift into the light of healthy love.  I'm excited!!!

Let's Talk About It...

Much Luv,

After The Booty Call

This Spring I’d like to kick off a new relationship series.  I want to touch upon the good, the bad, and whatever else is in between.  It’s been a while since I’ve done this and my intuition tells me that now is the time.  Many readers have been here since I've started this crazy journey that I call my life nearly 3 years ago.  For that I'm humbly grateful and I have to truly send all of you my sincerest thanks. I've been very open with these pages and that will never change about me.  Through my ups and my downs, my highs and my lows, you have been here and that amazes me.  It's been an uphill battle filled with lots of growing pains, lots of tears, lots of shame and learning, yet lots of joy & plenty of God's Love. The positive feedback that I receive from the majority of you is what always keeps me coming back. I’d like to give way to this new series and extend my hand to those that need it the most. What I want all of you to know before we begin is that any relationship that isn’t deeply rooted in the Love of God is destined for disaster.  For my Ladies, this Spring I want to encourage you to have standards, set limits and know your boundaries.  Even more so, I want to encourage you to have high standards; the type of standards that demand a man’s respect and don’t give way to the social media traps that society has set us up for. Fellas, I challenge you to find that amazing woman that makes you want to give her your absolute best!  A Lady that makes giving her your best the most amazing feeling ever! I'm gonna dig really deep with this one.  Some of the content will be uncomfortable but we'll work through it together.  Enjoy…

I decided to write this post in an attempt to reach out to my young sisters.  Not insinuating that my older sisters aren’t still struggling with this one but I realize its way harder to teach an old dog new tricks.  Let me start out by saying that my booty call days are long behind me.  When God’s Grace touches the heart of a woman there’s an amazing transformation that begins to take place.  Sinful nature is avoided at all costs and God’s Love replaces self-hatred.  Situations that I would have compromised my soul for are no longer nor will they ever be options for my life.  I had a vision earlier today and I remembered my own booty call days and the emptiness that always followed immediately after.  There was definitely instant gratification that came from being in the company of and held by a man for one-night, a few weeks or in some instances a few months but the scars of emptiness left behind with these temporary relationships was never worth the pain.  Thinking back I can remember waiting anxiously for that after phone call or text message. Just something to wash away the shame and feeling of guilt that lingered that following day.  Realizing that I was sleeping with someone that refused to make a monogamous commitment to me as if I was on probation and they had to observe if I was worth the price.  Looking back I wish I had just one positively strong female in my life that would have said, “Baby, you are not a loaner vehicle to be driven around until this man decides if he wants to keep you or not”.

Being a writer gives me the opportunity to speak to so many women from so many different backgrounds. I get to hear their perspective of what a booty call is to them. It saddens me that across the board many women often try to sell me on the convenience of these short-term rendezvous.  “It’s convenient for me because I’m not looking for anything serious at this time.” is what I hear the most.   My thoughts are always like, “Huh, what in the hell is convenient about letting a man into your personal space, to defile your body, and then leave you emotionally malnourished with inconsistent communication, which often times is initiated at his leisure?”  My last booty call was the worse and was the “eye-opener”, or so to speak for me.  The young man was very much my junior in age and he had this youthful spontaneous energy that one just doesn’t have when one is a responsible adult holding down a home, a car, bills and most importantly children.  I admired his carefree way of being and his ability to completely abandon any emotional attachment to our situation.  On one particular evening we broke the entire frame of my bed and I remember thinking, “This is ridiculous, and this needs to end”.  This was the type of intimate and physical relationship that I’d want to have with my future husband not a man that’s leaving me completely unsatisfied emotionally when he walks out the door.

Why would I compromise my standards?  Why was I ok with doing what everyone else around me was doing? Women tend to be nurturing and caring beings by birthright.  We’ll see one of our best girlfriend’s about to hit a brick wall and instead of slapping her with a dose of tough love reality we’ll play the devil’s advocate and say things like, “Girl, you have that young man sprung”, or even more dreadful, “Girl you still got it!”  To make matters even worse, we’ll pick-up the phone shortly after and tell another girlfriend how stupid we think the first girlfriend is.  Foolish encouraging words of self-destruction circulate around our friendships that aren’t submerged in truth.  Thankfully, I’ve learned to become my own best-friend in these instances and I found a lovely 25 year-old young lady to introduce to that particular young man.  I removed myself completely from the situation because in addition to selling myself out, I was also defiling my temple; the beautiful body that God has given me to share with a man that I’m fully committed to in God’s image of Love. The Bible sums it up very nicely in 2 Timothy 2:22 “Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love and peace.

In this new age of Instagram and Facebook, I see how easy social media steers my young sisters toward soul-selling.  We take pictures of our every movement throughout the course of our day and in most instances we get feedback from men that are attracted to the physical assets we readily put on display.  How many, “likes” a young woman gets in an hour begins to become her validation of self.  How many men will want to link up with her based solely on her publically displayed sex appeal, image (or lack thereof), and the idea that her Instagram Love doesn’t cost a damn thing. This is where some of the most un-meaningful relationships will begin. We have set new lows for women in our society; talk of God and of the church becomes that of the radical Christian that no one wants to be associated with.  It’s way easier to do what everyone else is doing and continue selling out the one person that you need to rely on the most...yourself. One young lady in her late 20’s recently told me that her boyfriend, (whom she met on Instagram) actually “deserved” some sex from her after sending her flowers multiple times and taking her out on occasion. This is the mentally that we buy into when we refuse to pull out our pencil and paper and really reevaluate what our relationship goals are. In a society that is ravaged with the virus HIV how we’re not asking for a person status at the top of our goal list is simply absurd to me.

If the long-term goal is marriage or let’s say that the short-term goal is simply a committed relationship then I can promise you booty calls are not going to bring you any closer to either of the two.  Having sexual intercourse with a man is like allowing him an up-close and personal communion with your soul. Spirit to spirit contact is what leaves a woman feeling so empty after a booty call encounter.  The emptiness comes from the intertwinement of the two souls. We’re spiritual beings before anything else. Young men have become so desensitized to sex with young women that many times there is zero regard for any type of on-going communication after the initial encounter unless of course, it involves more sex. My analogy for this is just a sleeping subconscious that allows both parties to forget the true nature of what we were created as humans to do.  We were created to love one another. The sleepy state-of-mind that many of us are in prevents us from igniting that flame of God that lives right inside of our inner core.  I really need to start paving the pavement more often. I need to come up with a questionnaire for young couples that are participating in these non-contractual and dangerous sexcapades.  They’re unhealthy, unsafe, and in many cases they’re the root to why many of us have so many trust issues to begin with.

Finally, if you find yourself wondering what the next step is after the booty call. Then my advice to you would be to take matters into your own hands and make the next step. Ask God for the guidance that only he can offer and tell the young man that you’re involved with that you mistakenly lowered your standards but that moving forward you won’t be able to continue on that road.  You may have to simply sacrifice having anything with him altogether but I promise you that in the long-run nothing will feel better than having respect for yourself.  Let’s start spring off with the fresh renewal of Life that it represents.  Keep God’s Love first and you’ll always remember that His Love is all you need.  In times of loneliness, trust, lean on and talk to Him.  Remember that God wants you to have all the wonderful things that this life has to offer.  That includes a loving Husband to “protect”, “provide” and “profess” (Steve Harvey’s 3 P’s theory), his love for you. 

Wishing you colorful and passionate Love built on God’s rock this season!  I Love you all and want the absolute best for each and every one of you.  Let’s move toward love, marriage, family and stability. Let’s refrain from participating in booty calls. A season of building up versus spreading apart and tearing down!  Let's go Ladies...R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

Much Luv,

222 And Me

For at least 5 years now, I can trace the trailing of the number 222 in my life. As peculiar as it may sound at first, this number has a way of following me.  I see it at the most random times on some of the most random things.  Often times, it’s the time on a digital clock or on my cell phone, but it’s also been the price that I pay for a particular item at a store, an address, the numbers on a license plate or as seen in the picture above, the time to return on a parking meter ticket.  It’s a number that speaks to me so much so that I mentioned it to my Aunt one day. I was trying to figure out if there was any type of family linage to the number.  I thought I came close, when I realized that both my cousin and my grandfather died on the 2^nd day of a month but more recently I came up with a much better understanding. I was blessed when a friend was honest in sharing his similar peculiar occurrences with the number 444. He did some internet research and came up with a way better explanation than I had for my number sequence.  I’ve always associated numbers with the Bible and therefore numbers have a very spiritual significance to me.  So when my friend mentioned that he had discovered that 444 was actually his Angel Number I was profoundly intrigued.  He directed me to a blog that he discovered in connection with his number sequence. I was able to read all about the significance of his numbers and how they apply to his life.  I decided to delve further and investigate my own number and I plugged in 222 to the site search engine.  222, has felt like it belongs to me since it has been with me.  I have a personal attachment that I am unable to quite explain with words to this number.  When something personal is going on in my life and I see those three 2’s pop up, I know that there’s something I should or shouldn’t do.  Almost as if the numbers are trying to tell me something or even possibly confirm or deny something.  If this has ever happened to you then please continue reading because you too may discover the meaning of a number sequence in your life.

The blog I was led to belongs to a woman by the name of Joanne.  The site, called Joanne’s Sacred Scribes can be found right here on Blogspot at: www.sacredscribesangelnumbers.blogspot.com. From the moment I logged onto her blog to read about my friend’s numbers I knew there was something very legitimately spiritual about the explanation in bold print before my eyes.  Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t relate to his numbers but as I continued to read I was very eager to see how my own numbers would be defined. I had previously heard of spirit guides and I believe very much in guardian angels so the text was nothing that I struggled with on a spiritual level.  Realistically, I would imagine that the Loving God that I serve “appoints” a guide or an angel to protect me and to help me along on my journey.  Life is difficult in so many ways and many times we don’t know which way to turn when we are faced with one particular situation or another.  What I didn’t realize was that these guardian angels and/or spiritual guides could reach us in such a prominent way with such purposeful intent.   Joanne’s detailed explanations immediately reminded me of the prophet Daniel in the Bible.  In the Book of Daniel, he was often called upon to interpret visions and dreams for King Nebuchadnezzar. He was able to do so in such a detailed way that none of the fortune tellers, astrologers or magicians could do.  Joanne’s writing in all of its simplicity seemed to be deeply rooted and touched by God. I was in awe as I read how precise her explanation of my number sequence seemed in parallel to all areas of my life.

In this past year I’ve learned so much about the power of prayer.  I’ve also learned so much about the power of believing in those prayers.  Most people lose their belief in their petitions before God can ever answer them.  I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t pray with the type of fervor that the Bible speaks of. That type of fervor that gets answers from God and waits on guidance from the Holy Spirit. When we listen to God’s Word; God listens to our petitions in return.  The Book of 1 John 3:22 says this regarding prayer, (NLT), “²² And we will receive from Him whatever we ask because we obey Him and do the things that please Him”. There’s a dual partnership between the petitioner and God in regard to prayer.  One that requires the petitioner to uphold the Word of God and to walk in a way that is pleasing to our Heavenly Father. What stood out most to me when I read Joanne’s blog was her mention that my petitions were being heard yet patience was being required on my behalf by my Angels.  That was so deep for me and something I very much needed to hear as I continue to grow in my relationship of Faith and Hope with God.  I often pray for things with haste and when I don’t see a quick remedy I move on and start praying for something else.  I completely let go of the importance of the original petition and that’s why hence it’s never answered. To read that my petitions were being heard was so awesome to me.  The life that I have imagined for myself as a successful writer has never withered.  Writing from my heart motivated by the Spirit of God that lives inside of me has always been my hope. I’ve never doubted that he hears me yet reading it bought about additional reassurance that felt really good.

Bold light, and a life directed by God’s Grace, is what many of us are searching and longing for.  My biggest desire through my work and my writing is to please God.  There is nothing more important to me during my journey here...nothing.  I want to encourage, uplift and motivate my readers to live their best lives!  I want to be of service to each of you, yet I need my Creator to look down and to be pleased.  Many people are surprised when I tell them that I’m born in the 7^th month, of 1977, and that the numbers of the day in which I was born the 25^th, equal 7 if added like this, (2 + 5 =7).  I’ve heard people say the number 7777, will equal great miracles in a person’s life.  I intend to do my part and be adherent those miracles.  At this very moment without anything concrete to support my theory, I know that my writing and the words of The B.C. Chronicles will extend throughout the world.  I know that children will be touched by my work although I am not exactly sure how. A day will come when I will pass out colorful writing journals and pens to small children. I will encourage them to write whatever comes to their innocent minds.  They can write about their best day at school or at home, their favorite teacher or pet or about what they want to be when they grow up. My motivation will be that they never stop writing.   The free-spirits of this world need encouragement to share their talents. I believe the world is truly a better place with those unique and talented individuals that may not have always fit in, made friends easily, or that were never really accepted by the majority.  To know that each of us have Angels in our corner that want us to succeed, to be fruitful and that want to help guide us keenly from the spiritual realm is awesome!

If only one of my readers connect with this post and get to find the meaning of a number sequence that has been following them; I will be immensely happy!  When we share our truth with one another we grow as human beings.  For some, this concept will be difficult to grasp because it doesn’t fall under the school of logic.  I never did too well in that school J

Wishing you Blessings, Love, Hope and Peace as always; God Bless you all.

Much Luv,

The Power of Love

In order for one to write about the sweetness of Love, one has to truly believe in the power of it. The Power of Love is magnetic and I believe in it strongly! The Bible explains it this way in 1 Corinthians 13:13, “Three things will last forever-faith, hope and love-and the greatest of these is love”.  There’s an electricity that one feels instantaneously the moment that their feelings of love or attraction are reciprocated by the one that they want in return.  That’s the Power of Love. The Bible goes on to explain that, “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance” 1 Corinthians 13:7.  Wouldn’t it be so sweet if marriages in America were built on this verse? There is something so powerful in the word endurance.  “Permanence” and “duration” are some of the words that Webster’s Dictionary uses to define endurance. Imagine if we lived in a world where people would fight for their Love instead of against one another. I think the Power of Love directly coincides with the Power of Forgiveness. I pray that my next encounter with love will be my last. I promise to Love, Honor and Cherish every moment of it. I’m excited for it even though it hasn’t happened.  That’s the Power of Hope. In the interim, I practice faithfully loving God. Our relationship has gotten so much deeper than ever before.  Waking up daily for prayer, and morning devotionals have helped me to delve into a much better understanding of how our Heavenly Creator operates.  God is Love and all he wants from his children is love in return.

My time spent with God has made me realize my dependency on His love.  Similar to being in a relationship with a man, parent or with one of my children I never want to be without God’s Love.  When a single or a married person takes the time to firmly root their relationship with God; that borne fruit can be counterproductive in one’s other relationships.  This is where the Grace of God takes us.  Isn’t the concept simply magnificent?  I think it is.  I’ve totally conditioned myself to understand that without my Creator’s Love in my life I will fail miserably at trying to extend my Love to a life partner or to anyone else for that matter.  Patience and Love completely coincide.  I’ve learned through years of impatience how important it is to actually have patience.  When entering a relationship with a patient ear you can listen even more intently. One of my biggest weaknesses is my inability to listen effectively; people that talk a great deal typically suffer with this as well.   I walked away from my last relationship not knowing anything of real significance about the person that I thought I wanted to marry.  Other than reading about his personality in the results of a popular on-line exam; I didn’t know anything concrete, significant or really personal about him.  Ultimately, I walked away feeling empty and very embarrassed by that.  With every experience we have the opportunity to learn something about ourselves and to do better in the future.

The Power of Love will defy any human odds over the outcome. The Bible says this in Mark 10:9, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate”.  By couples taking the time out to really listen to one another; they have a strong chance of avoiding any miscommunication that could later lead to hard feelings.  Defining the relationship constantly is also key.  If you have questions for your significant other just ask them.  Within the first year of marriage or any serious new relationship I would advise the couple to hibernate.  During this hibernation period the couple should have the opportunity to acclimate to one another’s needs, wants, ideas and desires for their relationship. The Power of their Love will have a real chance to flourish because outside influences will be kept at bay. Having the chance to figure out what they both want without the judgment, advice or opinions of friends and family members can create a strong foundation between the couple.  By no means, am I suggesting cutting friends and family off during this time.  We all wear different hats with our relatives and friends than we do in our relationship. If someone you’re considering getting deeply involved with says to you, “My mother is my best friend”. I would have to question where do you fit into that relationship.  Is there even room for you to be a part of that friendship? We have a responsibility to actively hear what people say when they say it, and even more importantly to accept it rather than to think that we can change it later on down the line.  We can’t just fill-in the missing blanks or make things up as we go along. We can’t interpret things the way we “think” they should be or make assumptions on our partners’ behalf.  For example, I couldn’t expect that person to ever make me his best friend if he was acknowledging that the position was already filled.  Now had he said something more hopeful to me like, “My Mother is my best friend yet I would love for the woman in my life to eventually fill that space?”  I might have visualized the statement with an idea that implicated a long-term commitment. As I mentioned earlier, the Love seed needs to be watered constantly in order to grow.

In conclusion, with long-temperance and a still spirit we can learn to be way more accepting of everything that God gives us. That includes the good, the bad, and the ugly. In God’s time, He will introduce you to the one that he has handpicked, reared and guided directly to you and for you.  That blissful moment will be impactful and your intuition will awaken you to realize that you don’t want to spend another living day without that special person. Embrace, give thanks and cherish every single moment of your Love for the Blessing that it is.  Always believing and knowing that its powerful force will never die when it’s true.  Come rain or shine the two of you will grow closer and closer to one another with each passing day.  Love holds no records and if you focus on planning your marriage versus your wedding day things will always remain solid.  Relationships are easy to walk away from but very hard to endure.  The person that God has picked for you will never walk away from you.  They will be tested with temptation as we all are but they will never find it easier to take refuge in another because you will mean that much to them.  Doesn’t that sound sweet? J

I’m praying that the renewal of spring 2013 brings fresh and fragrant Love to each of your lives; May God Bless You all.

Much Luv,

So Many Failed Attempts

Someone asked me the other day, “BC, how’s your relationship with your Dad?”  I felt this immediate sadness come over me as I carefully thought of my answer. Before I could speak it, my heart was warmed with the feeling of holding his strong hands.  “Pops” has always meant the world to me.  My protector, my provider and the first man I ever loved and trusted.  How could it be that so many years have gone by without us speaking or writing one another?  Déjà vu flooded my mind, as I remembered Pops and I going to visit his father in the hospital while he was on his death bed.  Pops didn’t want him to die and he had not made peace with him in this life.  All I could remember him saying was that they never got along.  Pops and I on the other hand were like two peas in a pod. We were both Leo’s (me in July him in August), we were both the center of attention in our worlds and I could never imagine us being inseparable.  How someone could be asking me about him in 2013 and I not have something positive to say like, “My relationship with my Dad is perfect!” “My Father is so proud of the woman that I have become.” I thought, “Oh Heavenly Father, what have I done? How in the world could I be so cold to the one man that has always given me the softest part of his heart?  I imagined my sit down in Heaven with Jesus Christ.  I could see Jesus saying, “My child you were told to Honor your mother and father”.  What a disappointing response I would have to offer.  “I haven’t spoken to my Dad in years?”; “Oh My God, Why BC?” the next question.  To avoid further embarrassing myself I just said, “We had a fallen out”.  The actual answer should have been, “I didn’t get my way, and I stopped contacting him”. 

What an evil person I must be to do such a thing. My father told me, “No”, at the one time in my life that I needed a, “Yes”.  My father never knew what I was going through behind the scenes because I’m very careful at protecting the feelings of the people that I care about the most. I was facing rejection and heartache by my youngest child’s father like I had never experienced thus far in life.  Had I been younger and hurt I would have just run to my Dad.  He would have picked me up and carried me to comfort like he always did.  God Blessed me immensely with the father that he chose for me.  I can’t tell you how accident prone I was as a child (I’m still an accident prone adult as well).  Pops was just always there.  He bandaged my cuts and bruises, pulled my hair away from my face when I had to vomit and always, always, always tucked me in at night with the big kisses that only he could provide. The scent of his Jovan Musk is something that I will die with embedded in my senses. How could I expect him to know that I was hurt or that I needed him if I wasn’t willing to share what I was going through at the time?  Pops had other children and they shared everything with him.  I being an isolated only child didn’t really understand how to do that.  My fondest memory of him is that he never stopped listening to me.  Anyone that knows a writer, knows that we talk about everything and we can go on and on with great detail.  We can captivate a moment with our words and make you feel like you were there. His long fingers and 6’2”, stature always made me feel safe.  My dad would have gone to the ends of the earth for me.  My biggest fear in life is that the next time I lay eyes on him will be the same way it was when we went to that hospital to see his Dad; “Father God, why is life so immensely complicated?”

I looked for my Dad in every relationship that I ever had. One failed attempt after another, and I don’t know if I should be happy or embarrassed to say that no one quite measured up to him.  My Dad is that awesome!  A hands-on man that can paint, cook, clean, fix things, care and provide for his children and still manage to extend his hand to others.  They don’t make them like him anymore.  I always knew that he would walk me down the aisle when I got married.  I also knew that he would have, “the talk”, with whomever I married.  I knew that my Father was not pleased that I had children out of wedlock, yet and still he supported me regardless.  My Father believed in my ability when I stopped believing in myself.  I’m what you call flighty.  When the going gets tough I run to avoid life’s issues.  I’ve hurt my father many times by this.  Never opening up and never being able to truly lean on him the way I did as a child.  They say the way to a person’s heart is food.  My Father always made it his business to feed me and to feed me well.  Holding my hand, listening to me, explaining how important the Chicago Bulls and Michael Jordan were are things that my Pops did for me. I can think back to a particular summer day when my sweet tooth was fully charged.  I ate so much junk that day and my Dad said, “Bobbi, you are going to get sick”, but like a glutton I just kept going.  My Dad had a waterbed back then and when I finally settled down to watch TV…oh my, was I sick and I mean really sick.  My Dad took care of me without ever feeling the need to say, “I told you so”, and that is the type of relationship I’ve searched for as an adult.

I did come close.  I know that for certain.  In my relationship with Citrus, I can honestly say that even his voice reminded me of my father in his younger days.  His character, long fingers, love of basketball and stature were also a huge contribution.  Failed attempts at Love are like tripping and falling in the street.  It’s painful, but it’s also terribly embarrassing.  Unfailing Love is so hard to come by in a world that is cultivated by logic.  There is no space for logic in love.  The most analytical thinkers will still only feel love with their heart muscles. Love is simply a feeling, but it’s everything.  Love needs more love to grow, the way a plant needs water.  Every attempt at love isn’t going to be successful attempt and that’s why it’s an attempt. It’s very important to walk away from each attempt with more wisdom than you walked in with to begin with. Love can be so bittersweet at times.  Love is the most special and intimate feeling we can have here on earth. The best advice that I can offer my readers on failed attempts at Love is consciousness.  Many fall into the trap of wanting to fill the void of being alone. Take the, “lonely time”, to study what you could have done better, what you’ve learned and more importantly what you want for the future.  Always live in the moment and acknowledge every sensation of your pain. It’s ok to be hurt because hurt feelings are an affirmation that you loved hard.

I believe in loving hard and I also believe that love holds no records.  Wronged doings will always be forgiven in a love that’s for you.  Love never gives up.  It’s enduring, unfailing and absolutely unending.  Love is sweet, and it’s so very kind.  It’s gentle, humble, righteous and unconditional. My Father taught me that.  Even in my wrongs, his Love never faltered or died. I walked away from my Father’s love and I will have to live with that for a lifetime.  Has anyone ever asked you what your relationship with your Father was like ladies? Fellas, how is your relationship with your Mom?  The answer to these questions will be a major contributing factor as far as what you will and won’t accept in a relationship.  I want you to also keep firmly implanted in your mind that what and who is for you will be just that.  That is God’s Grace.  What God brings together, no man can separate. You won’t have to sell yourself or make someone see what they can’t naturally.  If for some reason, they don’t see you, then that just means it’s time for you to move onto the person that will.  You can still love them and want what is best for them yet you owe it to yourself to keep moving forward.  Often times, I long to be that small child that waited and depended on my Father for everything; as we’d cruise in his Blue Mercury, Topaz listening to Luther Vandross I knew that we would always be one in each other.  Unfortunately, today that just isn’t the truth.  Today our relationship is non-existent.  I want to be the adult-child and leave him responsible to look for me versus me having to continually find himL.  That probably isn’t going to happen and such is life. They say that a girl has to kiss many frogs before finding her true Prince Charming.  Let your heart be open and full at all times.  One person’s trash will always be another person’s treasure.  Stay strong and keep your Faith in the Lord.  God Bless You All.

Special thanks to Mrs. Beyonce Knowles-Carter. After watching her HBO Documentary, “Life is but A Dream”, I realized how fragile I too felt because of my non-existent yet quite fixable relationship with my Dad. Thank God for my Blog.  The B.C. Chronicles is where I talk out loud. When I don’t have answers I still find refuge here on these pages that belong to me.  

Much Luv,

Never Blink At Gunpoint

As the nozzle of the assailant’s semi-automatic pistol was pointed at my forehead I refused to blink.  My body was frozen, similar to the way an animal is right before an attack.  I briefly remember thinking, “He will have to remember the look in my eyes in the event that he decides to pull this trigger”.  My emotions were mixed, but my sentiment was, “Never blink at gunpoint”.  A parent never wants to be put in a position that disenables them from protecting their child.  One of God’s most precious given gifts to me was hunched over clinging to a wall and screaming in her lowest voice, “Oh My God”.  Standing only three-feet away from her there was absolutely nothing I could do. I too thought of God at that moment and I remember thinking, “Heavenly Father, forgive him because he has no idea what he’s doing”.  The showdown began when the blank stare standing in front of me realized that I refused to break my stare.  Apparently the world sold him a raw deal and he was cashing in on his refund. His spirit was so dark that in essence it gave off this eerie and cold feeling.  I quickly got chills from the very first moment that I laid my eyes on him. 

It isn’t uncommon in a NYC Housing Authority Project (NYCHA) building, to find a random loiterer standing in a lobby. It was gloomy that day and chances were that he could have been either waiting for someone or simply seeking shelter from the cold.  He resembled a student to me.  Looking past his cold eyes he was wearing a backpack, and was decently dressed. I never gave it anymore thought than that.  The vibe that enveloped his entire aura gave my spirit chills. I immediately began to grieve over his soul.  He was angry and he needed to tell me over and over again that he could kill me. “Where’s the fucking money bitch”, “Give it up”, “Give it all up”, were some of the loud shouts that he exclaimed. It was 12:40 p.m., “How in the world could this be happening?” I thought. I like to think of myself as a precautionary type of a person and this was something that I just couldn’t conceive with my own human knowledge.  As he continued to remind me that my life was in his hands I remember thinking, “Is he trying to convince me of that or is he merely trying to convince himself that he is capable of murder?”

 “Forever connected”, was what crossed my mind next whether he killed us at that moment or would decide to let us live, the memory of the event in and of itself would never leave my mind.  My knees disrespectfully began to buckle.  They didn’t share the strength of my heart.  Death was just seconds away for my knees. My heart on the other hand could feel the strongest presence of God beginning to fill that enclosed building lobby.  For a second or two, I thought of passing out but a parent is always their child’s hero and passing out wasn’t an option. My mind began to flash on the beautiful childhood memories I had in this same building lobby.  There was a time in 1986, that it was a clean lobby that always had a bright and warm feeling to it as I entered. I always had difficulty deciphering between the elevator and the stairwell knowing that either way I would always get upstairs to my home safely. Many times I would have my bicycle with me and shove it in the clean elevator. As a child I was often anxious to get inside of my home, my sweet and comfy home.

 This was no longer that place and all I could think was, “How and when did all of this happen?”, “When did this Housing Project go so terribly wrong?” My immediate guess was years of damage, poor property-management, neighbors living in fear and afraid to even care. At that very moment a very grim thought came to mind, and I sensed that there was a complete and total absence of the Spirit of God.  Housing Projects are exactly what they’re called, “Projects”.  Rapper Jay-Z has lyrics in his song, “Do You Wanna Ride”, and his observation of the housing project experience is so accurate.  He says, “You know why they call the Projects a project, because it’s a project!”  Housing Projects are experiments.  People living in a Housing Project are by no means living in mainstream society. Tenants are actually baited like lab rats when they are offered super low rent with all utilities included.  Tenants feel as if they are in control and actually somehow saving money when they sign their lease.  The clause that isn’t on the lease is that they are also signing away their safety and the lives of their children are what the project may take in return without consent.  Some children become a product of the environment, which happened to me by the age of 16, some spend life sentences in jail, and some never make it out alive. What happened to my neighborhood?  When did God move out? When did Satan move in? I moved out of Brooklyn before my 20^th Birthday and what I was witnessing now at 35, forced my spirit to grieve deeply. 

How could I ever convince my daughter, a first year college student that the world is a good place?  I wasn’t really sure that I believed that anymore.  How could I turn my back on Brooklyn, a city so dear to my heart? This was an awful situation and I would have to think quickly in order to turn this negative into a positive in one way or another.  As the robbery at gunpoint continued; I watched as the assailant became greedy. Having my daughter’s I-phone, my blackberry, cash, my handbag filled with more gadgets (my 11 year-old son’s cell phone, a kindle, credit cards, contact lenses and other misc items including my favorite patent-leather wallet/clutch and enough MAC cosmetics to open a small store), he still wanted more. That’s when he began ruffling my neck scarf with his hand while pointing the nozzle of the gun at my throat.  “Where’s the jewelry bitch”, “You ain’t got no chain?”. I had enough at that point and I spoke.  I said, “We don’t wear jewelry”.  Then I said, “You took everything”. At that moment the assailant announced, “Go upstairs bitch”, and my daughter and I realized that our mini-hostage situation had come to an end. I was relieved.  I pressed the elevator with haste.  He motioned with his gun that we were to take the elevator and he would take the stairs.  Before the elevator arrived he said, “I could fucking kill you bitch, as long as you know”, “Yeah, just as long as you know”, and like a ghost he was gone. 

We knocked on my mother’s door with complete and total panic.  She slowly made her way to the door which is most often the case.  I frantically called 911 from the kitchen phone, and by the Grace of God was connected with a very compassionate phone operator.  Within what felt like seconds the police were knocking at our door. I thought, “This has to be the assailant, because there is no way possible the police could have arrived so quickly”.  I warned my mother not to open the door before knowing for certain that it was the police. Unfortunately, right before our ordeal the same thief stuck his gun into a 62 year-old woman’s stomach.  Demanding cash and things of worth he went a step further and tried forcing the same woman into her building’s elevator. What I later found out that she was strong and told the thief, “No”, and wedged her foot in the elevator door to prevent being pushed in. The cops were on the scene already as a result of her emergency phone call. Everything seemed surreal.  I was going through the motions yet nothing seemed to be registering.  I walked into my childhood bedroom because I needed a moment. I closed the door and bent down on my knees to pray, “Heavenly Father, Thank you for sparing mine and Portia’s lives”, “Thank you for giving us more time here to have each other and to get it right”.  My knees remained weak as I stood back up but what I couldn’t deny was that my joy was still completely intact.

The same joy that overfilled my cup earlier that morning was still there. That’s God’s Grace.  Happiness may depend on one occurrence or another but the sweetness of concrete joy is given to us by God.  Shock and disbelief carried me through the rest of that afternoon. Everything that happened during the remainder of that day is still a blur to me.  I remember asking God why things like this have to happen. You see when you’re raised in the projects, you don’t fear the projects.  Instinctually, you just come to understand your surroundings. It’s a profound concept to explain to outsiders but it’s really simple for us who grow up there.  You’re always aware of the “going-ons of the neighborhood”, such as, homicides, gangs, domestic-violence, drug-dealers and dope fiends.  There isn’t any conscious fear of walking to your car, going to the corner store or entering your family’s building that might very well be filled with loitering occupants.  Instead, you hold your head up high, possibly gesture with a simple head nod or by saying, “What up”, and you proceed accordingly to your dwelling.

My assailant killed whatever element inside of me that was capable of doing that.  I knew as I sat patiently at the local police precinct waiting for my report that my assailant took more than my handbag and all of my belongings.  For one, that childhood image of home that brought so much warmth and great memories to me as a child was gone. I have no desire to visit there ever again and I will continue to pray that with time that will change.  My hope is still intact for the neighborhood that I once loved.  As I walk away from it, I also vow to never turn my back on it.  God placed a calling on me that very same day and I know that I must help my former community.  My mother’s building now represents a death trap where at any given moment, at any time of day; my loved ones and I can be physically harmed, robbed or even worse. The Serenity Prayer asks God for the courage to accept the things that we cannot change but for the discernment to know when we can.  I will answer God’s call obediently helping and loving all of the residents of the Sheepshead Bay/Nostrand Houses. In time, I will pass the torch to a strong leader that is passionate about seeing NYCHA bring change to these four corners. I will love all of you the way that God mercifully loves me.

Exactly 1 week since the robbery my daughter sent me this text message today:

“I’m so embarrassed. I just walked into the pizza place and I freaked out.  The man that works here was sitting at one of the tables.  He immediately stood up to assist me but I was so startled.  Mom, I thought he was going to shoot me. He said, “I’m sorry I just work here”.  

I read a prayer of Thanksgiving that I would like to share with all of you.  We all have something to be thankful for. Whether it’s our lives, our children, our family & friends, our careers or God’s Blessing and favor over our lives:

“Shout with joy to the Lord, all the earth! Worship the Lord with gladness.  Come before him, singing with joy.  Acknowledge that the Lord is God! He made us, and we are His.  We are His people, the sheep of his pasture.  Enter his gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise.  Give thanks to him and praise his name.  For the Lord is good.  His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation". ~Psalm 100:1-5 

Praying that God Bless & Keep each and every person that reads this safe.  May your family never experience this type of violation and crime in their lifetime.

To read more about what happened to my daughter & I last Thursday afternoon, please click the link below:

http://brooklyn.news12.com/news/cops-seek-armed-robber-in-sheepshead-bay-1.4785034


God Bless You All
Much Luv

The Caged Bride Sings

The picture above signifies what the caged bride is for me. As her body stands beautifully behind the gate she is waiting on the right suitor to come along and lift it up. The caged bride finds her own happiness in the interim.  She often realizes that she may never be set free. This saddens her deeply but only when she allows herself to isolate in her own solitude. She may never be given the chance to fly. The caged bride is awake and this is the fate that confines her. She is more awake then any of her suitors will probably ever be in this lifetime. If she closes her eyes she can even visualize past lives that she has already had. Her awareness is intimidating to many. She comes across as foreign or as if she is not of this world. It causes many to believe that she is too good to be true. It causes some to think that she is just putting up a façade. They don’t ever seem to understand her true nature or her true essence. That's when she has to remind herself that they are all still asleep.

Being awake in the midst of slumber isn’t always an easy feat. It is easier for others to ostracize her and to keep their distance. It is easier for others to point fingers and to swim in the lies that they create. The caged bride has resigned herself to be true to staying awake and she will never fall asleep until her exit. The caged bride is hopeful that one day she will be freed from the suffering of this world. Until then, she will continue to walk the earth with a poised glide and she will leave her mark wherever she goes. One of the scariest things to encounter here can be placing your heart in the hands of another. The second scariest thing has got to be watching your love slip helplessly through that persons fingers.  You only zing once :-). The caged bride’s heart is a heart that is filled with love. A love that runs deep and through each and every one of her veins. Her soul is filled with deep sorrow. A sorrow that runs deep enough to debilitate her at times. She sees so many broken-hearted girls.  Some are filled with anger, some are bitter and some are so jaded that their eyesight is green.  The caged bride doesn't possess those qualities and therefore she refuses to join this crowd.

The caged bride is always happy when she is blessed to encounter those she knew in one of her past lives. They may have played a different role at that time but her soul always has the ability to recognize them just the same. The power of spiritual energy is something that can't be measured.   Each and every day is a struggle for her to be here. There is a profound level of humility that comes with being this different...this aware. When day turns into night she is able to submerge herself in love. She loves Love more than anything in this world because it is the glue that binds us all. The caged bride longs to share this love yet she's smart enough to acknowledge the odds that are against her. Her happy heart sings, and sings and then it sings some more. Her heart never tires of singing. Only joy comes from song. What a blessing it is each day to be able to witness the birds fly, the sun set,  the dogs bark, and the children play while hearing their contagious laughter. What a burden it is to carry the weight of this world and all of its amazement. The caged bride acknowledges her connection to her own spirit and realizes that she is responsible for setting it free.

I am the caged bride and I love you all immensely. I am a beautiful freak of nature and I wear that title respectfully.  I count my blessings where they lay and I move forward on my journey in love and in peace. God Bless You.

Much Luv,