Blessed to Still Be

So it's been a really, really long time folks and I hope that none of you felt completely abandoned by me. When the Relationship Expert falls in Love the advice offering crumbles quickly!!!
The Love Bug bit me so hard!; harder than Cupid could have ever shot me with an
arrow. I watched relationships crumbling around me and it was as if my
relationship advice button was blocked. I could only watch and think of what
advice I would offer but my mouth was muted. I couldn't see or hear much of
anything other than the hopes of my own wedding bells. My head was way up in
the clouds and my heart was softer than it's ever been. Why this sucked for me
& my readers? It was almost as if I couldn't communicate with you. I would a start a blog & attempt to share, but then I felt like I wanted to keep our Love so private. Sweet Songs of Love
in my ear kept the ultimate pep in my step. I had a new attitude that this
egotistical/stubborn Leo refused to shake. If I closed my eyes tight enough I
could envision our wedding and minor details of our future together. As a woman
that's passionate about the things that I do I wanted to step my game-up!
Ladies, ladies, ladies, oh how he matched my swag I tell you I couldn’t have
handpicked a more perfect match. I wanted to be sure that everything he needed
was right there in me. There's no guidebook to falling in Love or with whom and
how it will happen. It's often a bittersweet experience that one has to fully
participate in even knowing that the odds will often be against you. *Sighs*,
(but still smiling as always). Matters of the Heart don't always come with ease.
As much as a person can love, a person can also give way to fear and doubt at
the very same time. Questions often arise like, "What if I'm not good
enough?", "How will he get along with my kids?", or "What
if we don't make it?". The danger-zone begins when fear takes precedence
over the innocence of the Love. What made my most recent attempt fail? I'm sure
he would attribute additional factors but for me I'd have to say women need
commitment. Women don't want to have to "guess" and/or "assume"
our position/place in a man's life and when a man is serious he won't make you.
We don't want or feel that we have to be a "Plan B". We want to be
the one and only and that's when that infamous guard of ours is let down and we
begin to believe in the fairytale ending that we all deserve.

In my case, his eyes told me each and every time I saw him how much he cared. At the same time his eyes told a story of a man that doubted the woman in front of him immensely
(with good reason I must add). A man that constantly had to question if this
was the right woman for him to be with. I have a past that runs deep and I
offer an honesty that can often times be too blunt in deliverance.
Nevertheless, his doubt was difficult for me and in turn it made my love jaded.
I questioned myself and eventually I had to prove to myself that I didn't
deserve him when all the while I knew we both equally deserved each other. Oh
my, I would have gladly been a fool for this man over and over again :-). No
one could deny the happiness or the Love I felt in my heart for him. The only
thing absent was the commitment we needed to move forward. A young girl feeling
of wanting to check the box marked, "Yes, I'll be your girlfriend"
always entered my thoughts. Ha ha, the complications of adult love & the
lack of faith we have in others that comes the coldness of the world we've been
exposed to. We look for people to be frauds when there are still just some
really good souls in the world. *Sighs*, oh how I wanted to give that man everything
I had inside of myself and oh how he brought out the sunniest side of my
spirit. Hearts of Love can fool the tricks of time and they are the hearts that
make it. In retrospect, the more captured I became in his spirit the more I
ignored that there were no labels on our love. No flower deliveries, no boxes
of chocolate, just the spirit of a good man that refused to offer any
commitment to a woman that he didn't fully believe in. The demons of temptation
don't give way to hearts consumed in Love. They're right there to remind uneasy
hearts that they have no place in friendship *sighs*. The hurt I caused will
always haunt me. The hurt he caused will always leave a scar that needs staples
at the moment fuck stitches. All is fair in Love & War and my failed
attempt at Love brings me back to you.

I feel blessed to still be here. To still have this God-Given ability to put pen to paper and to
speak to anyone in the world that's listening. I witnessed so much destruction
in relationships this Winter and I can't wait for the Re-Birth of Spring.
Beautiful Loving Spring is right around the corner and this relationship
columnist is glad to be back!!! Thanks to Mike Karnbach
for saying I "think" I'm an advice columnist, now I'll prove to the
world that I am. As I approach the mark of my 35th
year I am feeling much closer to knowing what I want in and out of Love. I want
most of all a Loving & Peaceful man that truly believes in me. A man that
understands that to err is human & one who knows that my loyalty is to our
team. We've all had enough experiences in life in general to know what we want
and don't want here. We know what we want to be remembered for and what we
don't want to be known as. God delivers us from temptation through prayer and
for all of you that are currently in relationships you truly have my blessing.
I know the damage and the hurt that words can cause and I understand how hard
you have to work everyday to keep your Love on top. Keep pushing because the
reward is knowing that there is a person in the world that has your best
interest at heart and will be there at the drop of a dime. For those of you
just getting into a relationship or planning to get into one soon always be
sure that the efforts of your Love are balanced by your partner. Resentment
lingers anytime one person is more in than the other. Always keep in mind that
the Power of Love can exceed any expectations you or anyone else has ever had
and it can truly endure anything that doesn't constitute blatant acts of
deception or intentional hurt. Walk into Spring feeling renewed in your Love.
Give makeovers anywhere you see that they are needed. Splash color on your Love
this Spring & don't look back on any prior bickering. If you've decided
that your Love has the ability to stand the test of time than remember that
it's only important to move forward. New Love should make you feel colorful.
Your Lover should have the ability to bring the greatest qualities of you out.
Through their support and acceptance of who you are you should move through the
season knowing that you have encountered a great catch!!!

I wish you all Love, Peace, & Blessings. As I move closer to my connection with the Creator I
will be here to offer the best advice I know & to answer all of your
questions on my short-lived Love :-) I Love you all.

P.S. for my chickie Debbie Jones (wear the damn dress every now and then)!

R.I.P Citrus & Bizzy

Much Luv,