Ok, so immediately after writing my last post I decided that I needed to write a follow-up piece. After receiving a flood of responses from women readers that were able to relate; I wanted to be sure that I put it out there that I too have stayed in relationships knowing that there was nothing left. Holding on to every ounce of hope that the union could survive, or what my mind created that it could potentially be, and never allowing myself off the hook enough to say, "He just isn't for me!". I'd like to think of women as the nurturers of the earth. The ones that hold on way longer than we should with the hope that things will change. Does that mean the relationship is somehow meaningless? "No, of course not", it probably doesn't and that's mainly because I'd also like to believe that just because a person isn't compatible with us doesn't mean that he/she won't be the best thing that happens to another person. If we could let go of another person from a place of personal growth then we could look back on the encounter, or the time spent not as waste, but as a learning experience that can only make us better for our next relationship. We hang on to hurt with the hope of change. I'd like to see us get to a place where we can commend ourselves when we realize that something simply isn't working for us. Holding on to hurt by law only causes more hurt to make its way into our lives. I know without a doubt that when we find the strength to release the hurt, and quite possibly the person hurting us then we open the door for healing to take place and for positivity to flood our lives.
I'm definitely one of those woman that is guilty of dating the guy that isn't even remotely compatible with me from "hello". I've dated the weed smoker, the unemployed gent, the blue collared gent, the unmotivated gent, (I could keep going), and while these types of men might be perfect for some women they aren't at all what my free-spirited nature is looking for. What I've come to realize anytime I indulge in these "unhealthy types for my needs", I'm really just fighting a battle that I've already lost. If I went a little bit deeper I'm sure I would connect with why I've spent my time with individuals that don't share my same appetite for life. My appetite for life, or my values and what I want out of my journey here cannot be compromised. The time here is too short and too unpromised to compromise it. It can't just be that I was "looking for love", or that I was "bored", or looking to "impose my values & beliefs" on them. It would have to be something more along the lines that I knew exactly what I would get from these men (the unhealthy types), "nothing". I'm sure you're reading this right now and saying why in the world would she set herself up for nothing? When you set yourself up for nothing you really expect nothing in return. You avoid disappointment on some level because naturally you were already thinking that the person would actually disappoint you. There is no excuse for staying in a relationship that continues to hurt your spirit. I can compare it with picking up a drink that you know may give you a headache in the morning. There's nothing natural about the high that comes from the drink and there's nothing natural about staying in a relationship that hurts.
On the bright side of things, I have become more in touch with a new concept. A concept that real courage comes from taking a chance on real love. Not searching for it every "Girls Night Out", or when I go for my morning coffee. Rather, just being open to the idea that when it enters my life I won't run from it. Through all of my relationship mishaps and through the things that have "hurt me" in the past, I know how important it is for my values to at least be acknowledged if not shared by anyone that I'm with. Settling is no longer an option for me. Sharing my life with someone that shares my hunger for success in addition to my desire to help heal the world that we live in will be the one factor that secures my undivided attention. I'd like to share this journey with all of you and to date, I can let you know that since I have accepted this new clearer outlook it has opened the door to an enormous response of men that are ten notches above anything that I'm used to. Turning what I don't want down has become so easy to do and I honestly couldn't say that even a year ago. I have come to know myself in a way that I am so proud of the girl that stares back at me in the mirror. My mission will continue to be helping anyone who hasn't arrived where I'm at yet. It's a beautiful space to be in and that's why I'm sharing it with you. I had to release the things in my life that were hurting me, and I had to do it in away that was loving and peaceful for my soul and theirs. All the fingers I pointed at the world were the same fingers that I had to turn around and point at myself. I had to acknowledge the role that I played in allowing men in my past to hurt me. I had to let go of what I didn't want and I had to accept when someone let go of me. I learned that some of God's unanswered prayers were the ones that have and will continue to serve my life best. When the hurt is gone the sun shines brightly. The world is entitled to our light. The light that God has given us and the light that he intended for us to share with the world. Let your light continue to shine and make no apologies for who you are!