Wednesday, June 16, 2010

A Letter to My Single Mothers & Fathers...

I dedicate the inspiration for tonight's blog entry to Hill Harper. Hill, please keep inspiring our young sisters and brothers with your letters and I will keep inspiring and motivating their parents. The journey to single parenthood always starts with a relationship and often times a failed relationship that somehow went wrong...

I woke up this morning feeling like a hot mess!!! The way one feels when their life is at a particular crossroad and one doesn't know what the next move will be. Being a single parent is often like playing a calculated game of chess. If my next move is the wrong move I'm no the only one who loses the game. So do "they". "They", are my 3 children. We sometimes refer to ourselves as a tribe and my daughter will stand in the living room in her best African accent and say, "I Am Your Father". No matter how many times we hear her say this we never forget to laugh. Our laughter (my other 2 kids & I) at that moment is to acknowledge that we are one. If I make the wrong move in my chess game also known as my life, they will suffer and I will be at fault. The three faces that look to me for guidance in adoration will look at me in disappointment. My blog question tonight is about a different type of relationship. Not the relationship betwen a man and woman but the relationship between a mother and her child and a father and his child. Seeing that Mother's Day just recently passed and we're on the brink of Father's Day I figured the timing on this was appropriate. Who's really raising our children?

I couldn't get Superwoman by Alicia Keys off my brain this morning. I felt like I was having such a bad day! I've learned that where there is hope there is light. I walked around my house singing, "Even when I'm a mess, I still put on my vest, with an S on my chest oh yes", "I'm a Superwoman". I breakdown silently, but often. This morning, I waited until the kids were off to school. I think it's key when you're a single parent NOT to breakdown in front of the kids. On the flipside we're only human so if it happens in front of them be truthful and explain these things happen. When a child's hero starts to breakdown then I believe that the child begins to lose hope and faith in the world way too early on. I had a penetrating thought this morning; "Who's raising my kids?" then at the same time I thought, "Who's raising yours?" I rush out the door every day with hot coffee in my hand, toast in my mouth and I blow air kisses to my kids. From that moment I am gone for at least the next 12 hours. To the outside world that makes me successful. To the world inside my home that makes me well missed.

As a working single mother I wear many hats. By day I'm the Executive Assistant to the CFO of a major Global Commodities firm, by night I'm the Writer, Author & Creator of the B.C. Chronicles and 24/7 I'm Mercedes, Portia and Jessiah's mom. The guilt I find myself facing is how much credit can I real ly take for how well my kids are doing? I mean they are children who are immensely passionate about life with creative talents I'm in awe of but again can I tak credit for that? On average I spend 3-4 hours of quality time with them daily if I'm lucky. Self-reliance is a class that my children would get an "A+" in and honestly I don't know how I feel about that? In a lot of ways I feel like I've missed out on most of their lives. I find myself constantly striving so hard to give them what they need vs what they want and I wonder as they continue to grow if they will come to resent me for that? Career moms and Stay at Home moms have had this ongoing battle forever. I might be ridiculed for this one but I think career moms like to think we can have the best of both worlds but I'm not convinced that we can? I would love to be at home to greet my kids after they've had a long day at school. Those 1st few mins after school usually hold all the high points and low points of a child's day. I would also love dinner to be served at 6 but at 6 I'm still at the office.

So what are single mothers and fathers to do? I think the answer is fairly simple. We are to love and to continue cherishing our precious children. We are to let them know that with each day that comes to pass when we head out that door and to that job that we do it with their best interest at heart. We are to embrace and show love and respect to the mothers and fathers that are afforded the luxury to stay home with their children and we are not to pass judgment because their struggle although different in some ways are still struggles nevertheless. We are Superwomen and Supermen! We are parents doing what we need to do to raise happy and healthy children. The struggle may never end but trust and believe that we can always rise above it! The best advice I see fit to offer is in humanity. Ask friends and family when you need help and always tuck pride in a back pocket so you can sit on it! lol. If you don't get the help you need the first time you knock; just knock harder the second time and they will realize on their own what they need to do. The ultimate goal is to make the world a better place. This letter is for all of you. If you haven't heard recently what a good job you're doing then let me remind you now. I'm so proud of each and everyone of you. If you're babies are still to young to talk they are proud of you too so just keep being their hero!

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