Wednesday, September 15, 2010


When I step out into the world my hips sway and exuberate the type of confidence that can only arise from experience. Well experience, and a natural air of leadership that I can promise you God granted me at birth. I can remember watching countless episodes of Sesame Street as a child and whenever the song for "One of these kids are doing their own thing", would come on I was always intrigued with the kid that wasn't doing what the other kids were doing. I'm what they call a natural born leader from the planet of "Dreams". I'm part of that dreamer population that many shake their head at, and tend to think we're nuts. In all honesty, the dreamers are the movers & shakers. We take risks that the average would never have the guts to. We live on the edge and we never do what the crowd is doing. Yep! That's me. Confidence cannot be faked. I was often made fun of as a child, but in adulthood it has proven to be a very beneficial trademark. For those of you that follow me on Twitter or Facebook then you know that I did my share of venting earlier this week. Some of my past relationships came back to bite me in the ass (so to speak), and my reaction to those dead, and gone relationships was quite frankly inappropriate. I felt the years of my own life invested in those individuals were spent in vain. My venting was part of my anger, yet my emotional reactivity was less than lady like. Self-Assurance set in a few hours after my posts, and I calmly realized that what one man loses out on another man is blessed with.

I spent years of learning how to cook Haitian cuisine, and watching painful hours of football, and when I first started posting I thought that all that time lost was spent in vain. Every experience is a blessing in one way or another. The time spent with one helps you to know and understand your value to another. When one under appreciates, and awareness is stirred and recognition of value is formed. The blessing in it all is to have loved in the first place. To have shared my heart with another individual who at least at some point in the union returned the favor is bliss in and of itself. I wish my past lovers the best in their relationships. Something inside of them let them know the ladies they chose were right for their lives. My inner self-assurance lets me know without a doubt how right I will be for someone else. I was listening to Mr. Sexy himself the other day (Trey Songz), and his song "Yo Side of the Bed". In one of the lyrics he says, "I don't wanna sleep if you ain't here", and I was moved! I was like, "Damn!", that's the kind of loving I want, and need in my life and I know without a doubt that will eventually come. There's such a sense of appreciation attached to a statement such as, "I just wanna breathe your air." We are worthy of that, and that is no less than what we deserve. Writing this blog lets me know how lucky my future husband is. His future wife is secure in her self-assurance, and she is structured on living a life that isn't outlined by fear. "Never let a shadow from your past take away the shine of your future". (#YouSurvived The Single Woman)

In closing, I want to shout out all the past liars and assholes in my life, and I want to thank them for helping to build the strength of a woman who will not settle for less than she is worth. Loving ya'll helped me to love me that much more! Cheers to my girl Amy Winehouse for writing, "Back to Black". It's a temporary condition and like everything else, "This Too Shall Pass"!

Much Luv

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Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Correlation Between Physical Appearance & A Healthy Relationship

As many of my readers continue to ask about my success with my Summer Dating Challenge; I felt compelled to open up a bit, and to reveal why the challenge has flopped. I've had great offers this Summer (some jerks of course), but mostly great guys ready, willing, and able to delve into something sweet and promising. What was the problem? Me! I spent most of my Summer focused on my flaws, and my bad eating habits. What backfired in the process of me doing this was the time I wasted, and the many good offers I've turned down. There's tons of pressure on a woman as she approaches 35 years-old. As my boobs start to sag, and my cellulite reveals itself shamelessly; I realized how unhappy I am with the current state of my body. Turning the television on can also make anyone feel 10 times worse. Summertime, also forces us to be conscious about the condition of our bodies because we are wearing such a limited amount of clothing. What I do know for sure is that I want to spend a lot of the rest of my years naked. I want to look at myself in the mirror no matter what the season, and I want to be happy with the reflection staring back at me. The problem? Working out, and eating right is physically difficult for lazy individuals like myself. Not too mention but I love cake, candy, cookies, ice cream, and anything else that represents sweets and whip cream lol. The later in life that we find ourselves "single & looking," is the more we focus on our physical appearance. I think the stakes are not only higher later in life, but the competition is also fiercer.

So what is a lazy girl like myself to do? Well let me start by telling you what I won't be doing. I won't be going to the gym in this NYC heat. I will join a gym as soon as that cool Fall air begins to kick in. I have also decided that I will try my luck at being a pescetarian and stick to fish and veges. I've spent much of my life eating whatever I've wanted, knowing that most of the time my food choices were deadly. My lack of discipline has left a void of unhappiness. When a man or a woman reenters the dating scene they typically do so with the intention of putting their best foot forward. What happened to me this Summer was I realized that I really couldn't do that confidently. With all of this being said it made me wonder how I would be in a new relationship. Would I be the girl walking around in my sweats and my doobie or would I try to keep it sexy at all times for my mate? I've been in two (what I consider) major relationships in my life and in those relationships I always was the "sweats and doobie" girl and I often "played house" with men that I'm sure had no intention of marrying me. I refuse to waste anymore time playing house and I'm confident now that I will really go the extra mile when I find my husband. I realize that whatever energy I put in to get him will be the same energy I'll have to put in to keep him. Often times, we don't want to see the correlation between our physical appearance and our relationship but I don't think there is anyway we can ignore it. I'm bringing it across in its simplest form. I'm not saying that a cheating partner won't go out and cheat regardless or that if your mate doesn't maintain her figure or he grows a beard you should leave. No way! Changes within the relationship should always be supported and embraced but a constant sense of awareness needs to always be present as well.

In closing, I'm not suggesting that anyone should spend too much time worrying about their physical appearance. I encourage all of you to get out there and enjoy your lives. I also encourage all of us to live our best lives and in doing so we should try to fill all of those voids that need filling. As long as models and celebrities grace the covers of magazines there will always be an unrealistic norm for us to follow yet we all know where we are comfortable as individuals. Make the changes you need to make for yourself to look and feel your very best. Give dating your all as the end result may be the person you spend the rest of your life with. Keep love sexy and spicy and waste no time playing house with a dude that has no intention of putting a ring on it! My Summer Dating Challenge was a bust but my Fall Dating Challenge doesn't have to be! Knowing what you want, and keeping yourself happy is key to being a great participant in a loving and meaningful relationship.

Much Luv

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