Lights, Camera, Action!

 My 36^th Birthday was 3 days ago. Inching up until the days before my birthday I began to get this overwhelming feeling that my life would begin at 36. Filled with constant emotion throughout the past few months I began to take note that my steps were being ordered spiritually.  The blueprint was never precise yet it was impossible for me to ignore the stir of change upon and around me. This energy was separate from me yet together with me. There’s an inner spiritual reward one feels when they begin to acknowledge a positive shift of change within their own life.  Knowing where I’ve come from and seeing where I am today brings me to a place of immense inner peace.  I’m so nurturing and kind-hearted to the woman that I’ve become.  I now do nearly everything within my own space and timeframe. Peace and stillness are utterly delightful in my new world.  The world waits for me to move in its time yet I continue to wait patiently on the nudging that I’ve come to trust so deeply. Like so many of you I too struggle with the fear of rejection.  Working through that fear until the point of elimination is crucial.  Often times, I meet people that don’t like me at, “Hello”.  My energy is that of a deep presence that is grounded in integrity and love yet some continue to mistake that for arrogance and self-motive. I made a very particular birthday wish this year and when I was done I chuckled while thinking to myself, “Wouldn’t it be great to find the type of Love that sticks around even during the rough patches?”  In the interim, I’ve stepped all the way up to the plate of life and I’m ready to swing.  Not just any type of swing but a full swing that connects and causes the ball to fly way out of the park.  Some will think this reality came way too late in life for me but I chuckle at that as well while I think, “Hey, better late than never”. Showing up for my own show is different than any other show that I’ve attended.  My script is still unwritten but I know that I have to be present and on set daily.  Every morning that I open my eyes it seems as if the world has become just that much clearer to me.  My insight, my approach, my tolerance, and my openness to change have all increased for the better and decreased wherever necessary.  My daily to-do list is in hand even though I have the power to toss it if and when needed.  Life is overwhelming in a good way at the moment.  Ignoring perceptions that don’t add value to my life and moving toward my greater goal to incorporate and uplift the lives of others in every single thing that I do is the only thing that motivates me now.  

This positive change that has arisen within has helped me to develop a total mind, body and soul sense of consciousness.  Summer is my favorite time of year.  I feel closest to nature and more importantly to my Source during this time of year.  It’s during this period of time that I seem to be the most creative and I get the most done. It could have something to do with this being the time of year that I came into the world but nevertheless this time of year is always a starting point for me.  When you achieve this level of consciousness that I’m moving into; life becomes less and less about you and increasingly more about others.  Life becomes a connected source of goodness, wholeness, love and oneness.  Giving my time and my energy to someone in need causes the ultimate level of satisfaction for my soul.  Keeping myself well-aligned with God, nature, good health and well-being continue to lead me into full consciousness. I have high regard as to what goes in and out of my body at all times.  Practicing a life of vegetarianism, celibacy and well-roundedness make me feel clean and whole. I feel completely loved and accepted by God.  I’ve ascended into new consciousness that doesn’t permit me to think or to act the way that I once did years ago.  I’m so in love with the human being that I see looking back at me in the mirror. I believe that God has always intended for it to be the way it is right now at this very moment.  Life is so sweet nowadays.  Without any haste in my system I sometimes wonder if he plans to connect me with a man that will honor and love me exactly as I am.  The beauty of it all is that either way I have so much joy.  I’m studying the words of the Bible in Proverbs 31; not just for the characteristics of a noble wife but also for its warnings against alcohol for leaders.  Everything in life must have balance.  Too much of anything in one regard or another will lead to demise.  Humbly, I move forward knowing that, “To those that much is given, much is expected”, and this brings me to think of you.  You, the person that’s sitting at your computer screen reading this article at this second on the clock.  What gets the camera rolling in your life?  What steps are you moving toward to leave yourself in this world far after you’re dead and gone?  Is this concept even something that you think of, or do you live day by day just chasing your next paycheck? 

I would like to encourage you to do something different today.  Put on your Sunday’s BEST! Walk out of your house today with a new attitude and with an entirely different pep in your step.  Do something that you’ve never done before; by doing so you will achieve results that you’ve never achieved. Believe in yourself enough that it attracts others to do the very same.  The only foolish idea is the one that you keep hidden and don’t share with the world.  If you write, then write.  If you sew, then sew.  If you exercise, then train, but get out there today and do something!  Be sure that whatever you do comes deep down from the best place that’s in your heart.  That’s the place that dreams are made of.  That’s the place that will lead you to your fantastic destiny.  Don’t let anything or even more importantly anyone discourage you from your dreams because your dreams are a blessing from God.  Move forward in light and in truth and you will never be led astray.  If you’re reading this and you’re suffering with depression, anxiety, worry or fear about what your next step will be; then please email me and together we can figure it out (thebchronicles@gmail.com).  If you’re stuck in a dead-end job or relationship and you’re too afraid to move toward the door then let’s talk about it… 

Wherever you find yourself today just be sure to keep moving toward the stars! The sky’s the limit!  What separates you from the crowd is taking one baby step forward.  I’m rooting for you! Lights, Camera, Action, You’re on!
 

Much Luv

Not Guilty

 

I heard a single gunshot in my sleep this morning that woke me up.   I wasn’t nervous or frightened.  I just couldn’t determine if it was real or not.  It’s quite possible that it was a figment of my own sleepy imagination.  I decided to get out of bed and check on my three children. After seeing that the house was still, I found myself in route to retrieve my laptop. It’s time to speak…

I went to bed shortly after midnight and the only image in my mind was Trayvon Martin.  My 11 year-old son Jessiah asked me to explain, “Ma, how come George Zimmerman isn’t going to jail for killing Trayvon Martin”? That was the exact question and this was my response, “Jessiah, I have no words right now that can explain that to you because I myself do not understand”. My Faith in God above is what keeps me focused this morning as I will continue to remain in silence to some extent.  My emotions led me to write one Facebook status last night and I won’t allow myself to make any others.  I’ll refrain from doing so because I’m mindful that these can be the contributing factors for igniting anger; even anger within myself.  My 15 year-old niece Sina was reading her Kindle device when the verdict dropped last night and she said, “Titi, when it’s your time to die, it’s your time to die, and it was Trayvon’s time to die”.  I wanted so badly to resonate with that yet my flesh struggled and I wasn’t able to do so.  My mind takes me to this dreadful place over and over again; the idea of sending my son off to a store and the more dreadful thought that he could ever be targeted in the 21^st Century because of the color of his skin. I think of those final moments of fear that Trayvon must have experienced.  The condition of having Brown skin in America is something that none of my White friends will ever be able to comprehend in this lifetime and I will never fully be able to explain it to any of them. God will have the final say because his will is always done for the greater good of the Kingdom of Heaven.  He doesn’t intend to confuse and/or hurt us.  He teaches us through different acts and situations even when these things involve immense trauma or pain.  I imagine that Tracy Martin is in great pain this morning.  I imagine that the wound she has been trying to heal for nearly two years has been reopened and someone has just poured salt on it.  A day may come when she and George Zimmerman are on the same checkout line at Walmart because our judicial system didn’t feel like he killed her innocent son. America condemns us but the Lord our God redeems us. 

If I could hug her today I would.  The hug would be heartfelt and in no way would I suggest to her that I know what her pain is like or what she’s going through because I don’t.  I’ll be heading to Florida in a few days and my emotions are somewhat mixed regarding that.  Part of me is dying to get there to see how people are responding to the verdict.  My prayers are that the races will united and that people off all races will see the injustice and understand our anger.  I’ve already heard people reminding us of how we kill ourselves all the time and are questioning why we’re so upset about this.  Ignorance is bliss. Yes, Black people kill each other every single day and here is my open letter to any White person that wants to know why we’re so upset about this:

Dear White America:

You hated us before we ever hated ourselves.  You taught our ancestors that we weren’t good enough to eat with you, to drink your water, to date your daughters or your sons and that we were worthless enough to not even have the privilege to enter spaces through the same entrance as you.  Our ancestors begged us to rise but we didn’t understand how to.  They told us we could be the change in the segregation and then Martin Luther King Jr. reminded us that he had a dream for us.  He loved White people and people of color just the same and saw that we could be united in the country that stands on the basis of this premise.  The hatred drowned the love and then we begin to see color within ourselves.  We threw shade on the lighter shades of brown because we believed that their root wasn’t deep enough in its blackness.  We hate ourselves because you hated us first.  We hate ourselves because you made us believe that we were inferior to you.  We hate ourselves because you took the beauty out of Black for us.  You said the kinks of our hair and the size of our hips were wrong.  You told us we were dirty and that we resembled monkeys.  You forgot to point the finger at yourselves when you resembled pink pigs.  You assassinated all attributes of our character and then you said, “Look at them, they’re so angry”, but still our ancestors told us to ignore your insults and to rise.  We understand the root of our hatred for one another and when we kill each other trust and believe me we mourn. You kill us with malice.  We kill each other in ignorance and self-hatred.  You hated us before we ever hated ourselves and therefore I blame you.  We have the ability to be all you are and more.  We live in fear of you because we know that you can diminish our future with one stomp.  We are so intelligent and charismatic and even at the ivy-league level we try our best to show you that you don’t intimidate us but you do.  You’re at our schools, our professional offices, at the court buildings trying our cases. We want so badly to love you but we know that your hatred for us runs deeper than anything that we can fix.  While our ancestors told us to rise, your ancestors reminded you that we were to be hated, oppressed, accused, and beat down and slandered.  We love you but you will never love us back so we do what our ancestors taught us to do and we continue to rise.  The higher we go the more you feel like you need to remind us of our place.  We are the help and that is how you see us.  We ignore you but you remind us. We are the Black butterflies that our ancestors told us to be.  We want so badly to lift each other up but you taught us not to trust even ourselves.  God grieves when he sees what you have done to us but he knows that ultimately we are stronger than you.  He knows that you would have never been able to endure our conditions and he gave them to us to carry.  “To those that much is given, much is expected”. He knows how special we are and each time we love one another instead of hate ourselves like you taught us to do; he smiles.  We’ve started to embrace our hair, and love the utter beauty of our skin.  We’ve started to open companies and hire our own the way that you do.  We’ve started to hire you to clean our houses and we’ve started to rise the way that we were taught.  We have a long way to go and by no means will we ever accept you killing us.  You did that already and quite frankly we won’t tolerate any more of your malice toward us.  You hated us before we ever hated ourselves and still we rise!

***tears fill my eyes and I have decided to end with this.  For my Brown people please stay up!  Always hear the words of those before us and please allow them to penetrate your heart. Don’t let their struggle for us be in vain. Be strong and very courageous for the Lord our God is with us.  They can only kill our spirit if we let them. We will prosper and we will grow but this is our condition and we have to acknowledge it and be aware.  In the name of Jesus Christ, stay blessed.

Much Luv,