Fall Dating Sense

So, it’s been a while since you’ve been back on the dating scene and you find yourself single and ready to mingle!  Good!  Dating is healthy and it’s extremely enjoyable!  I think fall is an awesome time of year to fall in love, hehe. It’s also a fabulous time to get back onto the scene if you’ve been laying low for awhile. Summer’s officially over and the bikinis are well tucked away.  When someone approaches you now, you know it’s not because more than half of your body is exposed and oiled down.  Covered up in denim, scarves and riding boots; it’s nice to know that someone is approaching you on a more wholesome and genuine level.  How do you get back on the scene when you’ve taking some time off? I suggest that you be sensible and open-minded about it.  Fall is a great time of year to get dressed early on a Saturday morning and head out to a museum or an art gallery.  Here in New York City, we have so many weekend activities to choose from.  There’s also a ton of things to do right here in Brooklyn! If you get the sense that someone’s admiring you from afar never be afraid to smile, wave or say, “Hey”. In all honesty, what do you have to lose?  NOTHING! I would encourage staying out of the bars and lounges unless you’re just out with your girls or your guy friends for a fun night out with no intentions set on meeting anyone.  What keeps me from meeting people in places like this, is the fear that it’ll be used against me down the road with a partner saying something like, “You met me in the bar, now you don’t like that I’m there every weekend?”  I’ll pass on that lol.   I suggest putting some effort into dating and even into, “By chance”, encounters by being smart about them. What are you looking for in an ideal partner?  We put so much effort into where we’ll go to school, our careers, who we select to watch our children, and yet when it comes to relationships we leave everything to fate and wing it.  You need to be clear on what you’re looking for before getting back out there. You can save yourself valuable time by just putting pen to paper and jotting down a few things you want and maybe even a few that you absolutely know that you don’t want.



So, now what if you’re not even remotely spontaneous enough to hop on the train, venture out and be open to a random encounter?  I mean let’s face it; many of us are a little uptight (I damn sure know that I am).  If we weren’t, there might be more of those random encounters of strangers having coffee.  If you’re not the spontaneous type you might want to spend your Saturday morning exploring the ins and outs of online dating, (while watching a romantic comedy dvd to help loosen you up).  This organized style of dating gives you somewhat of a prescreening advantage before actually going out with someone.  I personally like that but it does come with a fee. The more you’re willing to invest, the more you get out of the filtering, messaging, control, etc.   If you‘re a visual person, stimulated by physical looks or a by a person’s career background, you can surf until you find precisely what interest you.   I’ve been curious about online dating for a long time now but I’m also trying to let go of that controlling side that I recognize in myself.  I’ll typically do a free-trial run which allows you to view profiles but I never fully take the plunge by signing up and releasing my credit card information. I’m definitely giving it serious consideration this fall. Being safe is what matters most when it comes to any type of dating.  Watching television shows like MTV’s, “Catfish”, has opened my eyes to see that not everyone out there is completely truthful when it comes to uploading their online profiles.  I’m still a very old-fashion kind of girl in the sense that I would rather meet a guy through my own circle of friends or in a setting that provides a little bit more information than, “Hello, My Name is…”  I have my spiritual beliefs as well and in my heart I believe that none of us are going to meet that perfect stranger, in that perfectly strange setting, at that perfectly strange moment, until God is ready to intervene on our behalf.  In the meantime, staying engaged, having fun and learning the most you can about YOU, is what’s most important until that time finally arrives.   Dating can help you tremendously with that. You can learn a lot about what you want and what you don’t want from a relationship while you’re dating and that’s a really good thing! 

Listening to the opposite sex and getting a feel for how they view your gender is equally as important.  As a woman, I’m always eager to hear how men feel about being in committed relationships that involve traditional courtship, God and possibly marriage.  I’m sure men are interested in hearing women’s views and values on much of the same.  As a writer, I’m always interested to hear how both genders approach and view dating. One thing I’ve learned from conducting interviews is the importance of laying your cards on the table quickly. For example, waiting for the perfect moment to reveal that you’re abstaining from sex, or that you have 12 children will never happen!  Be completely honest about this even if you have to say it before ever meeting up with someone.  You have lost nothing if they make the choice to never meet with you.  You’ve taken control and actually filtered what you didn’t need right from the jump.  Many people nowadays view dating as a casual sexual relationship that involves having no strings attached. Although that may be so far on the other end of the spectrum from what dating means to you, it’s very important that your intentions and reasons for dating are voiced and understood at, “Hello”.  This will avoid any misunderstandings or hard feelings later down the road.  Don’t make any apologies for who you are or for what your belief system contains.  Just be fair to whomever you are involved with so that they have a choice when it comes to whether or not they choose to be involved with you.  Dating very well could lead to finding your life partner.  Keeping that in mind at all times will help you to cherish that person even in the early stages.  Have fun, be honest and under no circumstances do you ever, ever, ever compromise your sense of self.  It’s a cozy time of year to have a Pumpkin Spice Latte and get to know someone.  Be fearless in your fall dating J

Much Luv,

Kissing Dairy Goodbye

If you’re anything like me, then you have grown up loving and enjoying an array of dairy products. From gallons of whole cows’ milk and cheese, to butter, yogurt, sour cream and ice cream.  These products are high in fat and they’re extremely hard for us to digest. Learning how difficult it is for the human digestive tract to digest dairy has made me rethink this classic food product in my life.  Keeping my cheese or keeping my expanding midsection at 36, has become a very real question for me.  My taste buds are beginning to come very secondary to my heart-health.  What I didn’t prepare for was how difficult walking away from these products would actually be.  Think about it, we’re told that yogurt, cottage cheese, and cheese sticks are excellent low-calorie snack options when trying to maintain a healthy diet. Add those I listed, plus my morning cup of coffee with half-and-half and my morning bowl of cereal with milk and by midday, my diet mostly consisted of dairy products. My body virtually struggles for the remainder of the day trying to break what I’ve digested down.  In my previous article, I discussed our intimacy with our favorite foods.  We have this passionate love affair with foods and with desserts so much so that giving them up can be worse than breaking up with a beau.  Before I started this challenge, I had to identify how many of my favorite dishes and vegetarian meals actually incorporated dairy and I was nearly floored when I realized that there was nearly nothing in my diet that didn’t consist of it.  That was extremely eye-opening for me.  I immediately wondered how I was going to clean this up.  Have you ever dreaded cleaning your closet? Well this was how I was feeling.  Fall is an extraordinary time of year that makes me feel fearless!  My openness to try new things during this particular time of year never ceases to amaze me.   With the cool crisp air in the wind, I feel motivated and encouraged to change with the season.  The vibrant colors of the leaves inspire me and I know that I can push myself outside of my own comfort zone.



 I initially started by being aware at all times of what I was eating or drinking. As a vegetarian I was very use to doing this anyway.  I swapped out dairy in the places that I found it easiest like Silk Milk for cow milk, Earth Balance for butter, and veggie cheese for whole cheese.  Sounds easy so far right? Not so much.  I quickly realized that my morning coffee on the go wasn’t as easy as it once was; if I was unable to drink my coffee black (which I wasn’t), I had to leave Dunkin Donuts behind and make the switch to Starbucks that at least conveniently serves vanilla soy milk and makes delicious soy latte’s.  Of course, when I have time I make my coffee at home but that isn’t always an option. My newest challenge was kicking my ass, because some days I just didn’t want soy milk or veggie cheese or Earth Balance for butter.  Some days I just wanted what I was habitually accustomed to eating and drinking.  Here’s where your self-discipline must kick in. I will be brutally honest with you in this, we can train ourselves to get used to anything as long as we have the willingness to work through the resistance and the power to quiet our minds.  My first two-weeks without dairy I realized that I would have to go the fight in very small intervals.  I didn’t always have the willpower to pass up a cannoli dessert or a piece of spinach lasagna.  Even my favorite salads were garnished with cheese shavings or feta crumbles. I initially couldn’t believe from breakfast to dinner how many dishes used dairy products. At one point I even considered the fact that I was ok with my expanding waistline and maybe dairy wasn’t so bad but WAIT!  I was taking a daily CLA supplement, which goes deep into the body’s stored fat pockets and flushes them out.  What in the world would make me take this supplement only to be reloading those same fat pockets with dairy products that my body was unable to digest?  The numbers wouldn’t add up mentally so each time I fell I just got right back up.  If I slipped up on a Saturday and ate a slice of cheese, by Sunday I was back on my, “No Dairy Bandwagon”.  The faster you regain your focus, the more control you’ll have over the change. You must be reading this thinking, “What a vicious cycle this is”, and I have to tell you it really is.  I never thought that what I ate would take so much consideration and effort on my behalf, but we all know that nothing worth having comes easy.  We’re taught to watch portion size and to eat lots of dark green leafy vegetables but when do you really hear people say, “Dairy doesn’t digest well, it keeps you bloated and your stomach will continue expanding if you keep eating it”.  On a more positive note, I did start to hear, “Your skin is glowing”, “You look amazing”, and these were the compliments that assured me that I had to keep fighting my addiction against dairy products.  “We are what we eat” and this statement is so underrated here in the United States. The beauty of our bodies is that they tend to work with us. When we move it moves yet, when I’m doing too much of anything, I either suffer the consequences or reap the benefits.  For example, if I successfully make it 5-10 days without dairy and then decide to indulge, guess what happens next?  My stomach is typically unsettled for days which is an instant indication that my body handling the shift in diet well. The discomfort I feel reminds me that the indulgence wasn’t worth it.



Finally, what’s been working best for me is an increase in both fresh vegetables and fresh fruit.  There is such a variation of both in the market today that it would be impossible for one to get bored or to be limited in options.  I feel less guilt, when I snack on fruits rather than the traditional dairy options that I was once loved.  Ladies, if you struggle with cellulite you will especially want to stay away from dairy even in your morning cup of coffee.  A licensed-esthetician recently explained to me that it’s not the coffee we drink that contributes to our cellulite but what we put in the coffee, (milk & sugar).  She also advised me never to eat ice cream or pastries, EVER! For help with unsightly cellulite, (if you are serious about changing your diet), I recommend VelaShape massage treatments; again only if you’re serious about changing your diet (If you’re going to eat the same, and have these massage treatments which gently reduce the appearance of cellulite on the top surface of the skin by heating it and smoothing it out you will definitely be wasting your money). If I wasn’t seeing the results on my own skin, I might be willing to argue with the esthetician but seemingly she is absolutely right.  Will all of these tips work out perfectly all of the time?  Of course they won’t, yet I imagine that these small intervals of trial and error are far better than never having tried at all. It’s all about implementing valuable substitutions. Starting with the little things like waking up the water in your home with a twist of lime, mint, and cucumbers (altogether in a pitcher) and gradually working your way up to bigger changes.  I drink this every morning before doing anything.  It’s a natural way to detoxify.  I would also suggest drinking one glass of this right before going to bed. I’ve also replaced my regular carbs with slow carbs like quinoa, and brown rice.  I go gluten-free whenever I can and when I just can’t resist a craving for something like eggplant parmigiana, I make it myself!  This way I have total control over what goes into it.  Instead of using eggs to coat the eggplant I use Original Silk Milk, and instead of my once beloved mozzarella cheese I use, “Trader Joe’s Vegan Mozzarella Style Shreds”.  I find beauty in all of the dietary options I have and I hope you will too.   My advice for someone just starting out would be to pack your own snacks and meals for the day.  Lunch bags have become so trendy these days that carrying one around actually makes you look smart not cheap lol.  By having your snacks and meals pre-packed you will completely bypass the root of evil/tasteful temptation.  Wishing you all success with this Fall Fitness Challenge Series, and if you need any assistance please don’t hesitate to reach out.  God Bless You All.

Much Luv,

Fall Fitness Focus for the Family

 



Last week, I challenged adults to consider making healthier food choices.   A challenge that incorporates motivation, discipline and exercise even as chilly fall weather begins to settle in.  What I left out of that article were our children.  Whether you are a parent or you spend loads of time entertaining your nieces, nephews, cousins or younger siblings; if you’ve committed to a more health conscious lifestyle than you are obligated to take them along for the ride.   Behind the eyes of my little guy, {pictured above}, are the eyes of the future generations of my family.  When these eyes stare back at me I know that they trust me for everything.  I am very pleased to say that my 3 children all practice a vegetarian lifestyle.  My middle child started the journey for all of us and gradually we each adapted at our own pace.   I would love for the entire world to consider a plant-based diet, but obviously I know that just won’t happen. What I want you to know is that this journey has never been easy and temptation is at every turn.  Childhood is where all of our habitual eating habits begin.  Whether those habits are good or bad, they began when we were children.   Had someone come to me 5 years-ago to pitch a vegetarian lifestyle to me, I would have looked at them like they were nuts!   I was trained to believe that I needed meat and dairy in order to survive. Secondly, I believed that I loved these foods. Cheese was like a glorious experience for me that felt like a warm and passionate embrace.  We have this intimacy with the foods that we enjoy and whether we intend to or not we pass that onto our children.  The problem with this intimate relationship is that we tend to adore the richest, fattiest and most unhealthy foods.    The beauty of personal growth is that as we learn, we teach the generations after us.  Back to school is in full-effect around the country and I wonder how much thought you put into what your child will eat daily.  My best advice is to have a pre-planned menu.  Poor planning whether it’s for breakfast, packed school lunches or dinner will result in a drive-thru run to Burger King or McDonald’s and our children don’t need the sodium in the food or the sugar in the beverages.   

 



My son Jessiah and I typically always discuss what’s going to be on the menu a day in advance.  For breakfast during the week, he has a choice of wholesome cereal and almond milk, whole fruit or a fruit and veggie smoothie infused with nuts for added energy which is great when we’re in a rush.  Jessiah, is a 11 years-old now and he loves cereal by a company that has been around for years and is ironically called, “Barbara’s”, http://barbaras.com/about-barbaras/.  What I’ve been discovering across the board is that many parents don’t find that a vegetarian lifestyle offers enough alternatives for their child.  I try to come up with as many variations as I can because my son is a very picky eater with a long list of food allergies.   Weekends, are obviously a lot easier to manage because there aren’t any time constraints.  The same child that once loved tasty turkey bacon for breakfast has learned to love veggie bacon.  His favorite veggie bacon on the market is MorningStar Farms https://www.morningstarfarms.com/products/breakfast/veggie-bacon-strips?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=morningstar%20farms%20bacon&utm_content=Bacon_Broad&utm_campaign=Intention_Products&gclid=COG88pPN0rkCFe1DMgod41MAUg. This veggie bacon is a little higher in sodium than I would like but I serve it to him with pancakes that are loaded with fresh blueberries for a healthy balance.  His weekday, “on-the-go, morning smoothie is a joy for me to make.  He likes spinach, bananas, apples, blueberries, strawberries, cucumbers and almonds.  Having a nutribullet at home will help you to whip up a smoothie for your child in less than 3 minutes.  No sugar, juice, or added sweetener, just water and the ingredients that I listed above.  If you don’t have a nutribullet at home you can take a moment to look at what they have to offer and see if this system is something for you http://www.nutribullet.com/site/index?gclid=CJDW5r7P0rkCFepFMgodhSkA6g. I never have to trick Jessiah when it comes to using our nutribullet.  He likes being involved in what we chop up in the kitchen and blend in the system.  Breakfast on the run used to include a croissant from Starbucks which is loaded butter, fat and calories.  When he’d hop out of the car to head into school last year, I’d find myself finishing his half-eaten pastry which had the type of calories that I absolutely didn’t need.  



When we eat healthy we inspire our children to do the same.  We can’t blame anyone but ourselves for taking them into fast food restaurants.  There are no proven nutrients in fast food and we aren’t doing our children any favors by feeding it to them.  Realistically, we will all find ourselves in situations where we just can’t make it home at a decent time to cook a good meal.  On those days, Jessiah and I pop into Boston Market {a meat-lover’s haven}, and we as vegetarian’s order what’s called a, “sides-sampler plate”, which allows us to pick 3 of their fresh vegetables.  Their veggies include the likes of, garlic or creamed spinach, mixed veggies, string beans, and fresh corn. An added treat is that each plate comes with 1 small piece of sweet cornbread that Jessiah simply loves!  I give him bottled water for a drink versus the fountain sodas and juices that are offered by the, “not so fast food”, chain.  Every now and again I also let him have lemonade because I do realize that he’s still a kid. Overtime, his cravings that were once for chips, unhealthy snacks and food have completely changed for the better.  Last night, he suggested that we have brown rice with broccoli and zucchini for dinner tonight. A huge misconception that parents and adults alike have is that grains and vegetables can’t fill us up.  Everything is possible but it starts with us and it takes discipline and strength.  While some of us were privileged enough to grow up in homes that ate healthy, many of us weren’t.  The changes in our home start with us.  We can break the chains of diabetes, heart-disease, and stroke by changing ordinary food choices into extraordinary intellectual decisions that are heart healthy. It won’t happen overnight but what really does?  My same child that was on a crusade against veggies now realizes that there should always be something green on his plate because his mother and father have taken the time to teach him that.  As your little ones embrace being back to school please encourage them to make healthy food choices.  Leading by example today will help our future generation embrace a healthier and fit-conscious tomorrow.  Challenge yourselves this fall and keep in mind that by adding your children to the challenge will also help you to attain your fitness goals. 

Much Luv,

Fall Fitness Challenge

How bad do you want it?  Good health, great skin, a more toned physique?  How much work are you willing to put in to get it?  The things we ingest speak volume in regard to how we view, love, and care for ourselves.  Some have very little regard for this area of their lives and I too once participated in that same level of ignorance.  Since childhood, most of us have been introduced to the likes of fast food, dairy products and in some cases junk food by the truckloads.  Retraining my mind over the past two-years to eliminate my cravings for these particular foods and to embrace a vegetarian lifestyle has been difficult.  My eagerness to learn about my new diet of plant-based, well-harvested and organically grown products has helped me tremendously with this transition.  Staying out of my former hot spots like McDonald’s, Applebees, TGIF’s and Chili’s has also proven to be quite beneficial.  Once I began eating differently, I realized that most of my favorite restaurants served up food that was loaded with sodium, cheese, and pork.  These were some of the things that were bloating me, causing acne breakouts on my skin and assisting my body to store unneeded fat in places that I definitely didn’t want it. A few of these restaurants also serve alcohol for an additional amount of added calories. My vegetarian lifestyle has now begun to manifest itself in my newfound muscle tone and body structure which continues to surprise me.  Thank God for wisdom and discernment; this former glutton has been set free.  I love the saying, “When you know better, you do better”, and the reflection in my mirror is a much healthier woman.  I have to consciously make decisions throughout my day which constitute what will and will not go into my mouth. From alcohol to cigarettes what we allow into our system will ultimately determine what is going on inside of our bodies.  How we feel, how our spirit feels and how we view life can all be transformed by the things that we eat and in some cases drink.  Greasy foods that are loaded with fat and sodium weigh us down and can play a tremendous role in daily fatigue. The more fatigue we feel, the less capable we are of any type of exercise.  Alcohol can lead to depression and addiction, cigarette smoke and drug use can lead to the malfunction of precious life organs, suffocating them of oxygen and resulting in death or life-threatening diseases.

 

Fruits, vegetables and organic teas can make us feel light and airy throughout the course of our day which can increase our desire for increased mobility. During the summer months I find that more of us are prone to opt for refreshing salads, healthy fruit smoothies and water but what happens as fall rapidly approaches and the weather changes?  How many of us, still opt for the crispy garden salad versus a fast burger and fries in a to-go bag?  A colder season can force us to lean on hotter food choices and can also encourage our desire to stay indoors. In some instances, the sadness of seeing the summer go can cause a natural reaction of introversion.   About a week ago, it dawned on me that many of us will stop whatever exercise and outdoor activities we had in place during the summer months.  Many of us will get back to the television remotes or our favorite indoor activity and we’ll begin layering the clothes.  What if, you had a spectacular vacation planned in the Bahamas set for December 1^st?  Could your body really afford to wait until New Year’s Eve to get back into your rusty gym membership resolution?  This is the mentality I’d like to see you adapt for fall.  Brooklyn has a ton of outdoor landscapes that are beautiful to speed walk or even jog along side of like the, Brooklyn Bridge Park where I took these photos and the Belt Parkway are two of my favorites.  Be childlike, and pretend that the vacation of your life is right around the next corner even if you don’t realistically have the funds to plan one! Most importantly, let’s not give up on moving our bodies!  Don’t let garden salads flail in the wind just because there isn’t warm summer sun to enjoy them with.  Challenge yourself!  Challenge your body to come along for the ride. Don’t pack your bikinis away with the intention of not seeing them until next June.  What if, you just ate salads, fresh fruits, raw vegetables and you sipped on organic teas that felt more comforting to your soul than a warm chocolate cookie?  What would your New Year’s resolution be this year if that’s how you spent the fall?   You would crave more healthy, more exercise and more nutrition.  It would all make sense!  It might even spill into other areas of your life you’re your personal relationships. One positive action attracts another. That is the beauty of God’s wisdom; when you can separate yourself from conditions that have become habitually negative for your life.  You can free yourself from all the chains that are weighing you down and start fresh; knowing that it’s never too late.  It might sound trivial to compare what’s going into your mouth with what’s going on with your soul but I’m sure that you’ll be able to see the correlation.  In order to win and to truly have the victory you need to be good to your body. Be careful what you eat, who and what you let enter your temple, and what stress you do and don't take on.  All of these things will be contributing factors to your levels of peace or misery.  When you set your standards higher than you can actually reach, you'll always win and you'll more than likely exceed any expectations that you've placed on yourself.

 



Finally, as I say goodbye to my favorite time of year I want to encourage you to come up with the sun every morning.  Breathe, and go out into the crispy air before it gets too cold to be out there.  Connect with your workout.  Connect with the location of your workout.  Brooklyn has great beaches and when I head over to a local favorite of mine actually called, “Manhattan Beach”, I love to just run on the sand.  Running on the sand feels similar to wearing ankle weights and offers a fair amount of resistance for muscle toning.  I fully take my surroundings in and I use this time to pray as well.  In Psalms 23:2, there’s a passage that says, “He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams”.  Exercise is the perfect time to connect and really talk with God.  The Bible says that Jesus used to go out into the wilderness to pray.  The wind, the sun, the water, the sand, the trees, the birds, the sky, will all help you to connect with your own inner peace. I never feel closer to God more than I do when I’m outside and fully submerged in nature.  Gratitude engulfs me when I’m outside; the full realization of a new day, a new opportunity and another 24-hour chance at life; all because my Heavenly Father keeps choosing me.  So with an incorporation of mind, body and soul connectivity you too can implement a system that works to improve your overall quality of life. From workout clothing that makes you feel empowered to supplements and ideas that will help you to get rid of stubborn fat that seems to never go away.  I’ll be sharing my thoughts and my insight throughout this fall season that will enlighten you and have you proudly jamming at your next New Year’s Eve celebration!  No more sulking and hiding in another resolution of guilt and shame resulting from overeating, bad food choices, and lack of mobility and prayer.  Let’s move!  Let’s Breathe! Let’s Exercise!  Let’s Connect!  Let’s Live! And most importantly.. Let’s Talk About It…

 

Much Luv, 

 

The Queen of Wishful Thinking

What would you name her?  I chose the title name because it seemed appropriate and heartfelt.  She reminds me so much of myself and that's why the sight of her stopped me dead in my tracks.  From her build to the details of her hair; she has a hard exterior, yet you can almost get a sense of how fragile she is on the inside.  She seems somewhat burdened by worry or maybe just the weight of the world yet there is such vulnerability in seeing her down on one bended knee.  Many of you may already know her history and where she resides. For those of you that don't, she is placed behind the first gate of the 10-bedroom Italian palazzo-style mansion once occupied by the famous Italian fashion designer Gianni Versace. I took this picture a little less than two-weeks ago when I was in Miami on business. The guards at the property were gracious enough to open the main gate for me as they noticed that I was peering around like a total creep to get a glimpse of this statue. I was so intrigued through the gate that you can only imagine how in awe of this woman statue I was when they opened the gate and let me inside. “Stunning”, was what my mouth said but there was so much more to be said about it.  That’s the beauty of art.  One’s perception is theirs and theirs alone.  I would have paid money to see more of this exquisite home.  The guards weren’t able to touch my camera so I wasn’t able to take a picture next to the statue because I was alone.  Her pose was so interesting because one can go many different directions with it.  I imagined a woman just wanting peace and tranquility; just wanting to shut things off if that makes any sense? The world can become so painfully noisy at times that even thinking or remaining focused become difficult. Living in New York City can further maximize that level of difficulty. Finding a decent level of peace and tranquility here can be a daunting task. Anything that provokes this much thought in me is worth further exploration. 

So now I found myself behind the front gate of the mansion that I sat in front of my television watching in horror as its owner lie dead on the very steps that I just walked up.  I felt horrible for Versace on that day back in July of 1997. I felt as if he had so much more to offer the world.  It was one of those crushing blows that you feel even when you don‘t know the person that passed away.  He died early in the morning although certain reports say he died at night; I remember watching the news coverage like it was yesterday. It seemed like he walked out of his home to get his morning paper and coffee with such enthusiasm and life. There’s a bit of irony to the fact that I’m here in South Beach in July. In some spiritual way I’m very moved by this.  Walking up the stairs to the gate is something I feel like I must do respectfully.  The spirit of this man is still here at this home.  Not in a hovering way just in the sense that he must have found great peace living here in this beautiful home on Ocean Drive. This home is like the best of both worlds.  You get this Italian extravagance here in Florida. The guards are so kind to me that this also feels slightly eerie to me. The connection I’ve made with the spirit makes me feel like the spirit has urged these strangers to open the gates and allow me in to satisfy my curiosity. If you’ve ever been to this property which is currently listed at $125,000,000, it isn’t some type of museum for onlookers although many tourists that are familiar with the story do stop at the front and look in awe.  Some take pictures; some just stare at the steps maybe thinking back to that dreadful day that Versace was murdered.  I’ve actually heard that the property is currently facing bankruptcy and I can’t understand for the life of me why the city wouldn’t just turn it into a museum.  

In many ways, I feel like a museum might bring Versace and his family great peace.  I’m sure he was immensely proud of the brilliance of this home and a museum would seem like a celebration of life.  Oh what I’d give to ask him what the statue I’m standing in front of means today.  He’d probably have a fabulously detailed answer that would blow my mind and leave me with my mouth hanging open but for now I’ll have to come up with my own analogy.  Today she will be the Queen of Wishful Thinking. She is hopeful and strong but every now and again she needs to turn the world off.  She walks in faith, but the noise of the world tends to drown her spirit.  She appears flawless on the outside but she struggles with the state of the world and with the adversity it throws her way on the inside.  She stays in harmful situations longer than she should and she often loves those who don’t reciprocate the feeling genuinely in return. She is unique and she is so different that she is extraordinary.  She fears God and she longs for the day that he will call her home to her original state of being.  She appreciates every second of life here on earth and she adores those that are in her life more than they will ever be able to comprehend. I can almost lose myself in thinking of this statue. So much so that I wish I could take her with me and find a home big enough to keep her in my living room (I so mean this), lol. What would this statue represent for you? If my vision does nothing for you, please share your commentary here.  I’d love to read your analogies.  Until we meet again…

 

Much Luv                                                   

 

Lights, Camera, Action!

 My 36^th Birthday was 3 days ago. Inching up until the days before my birthday I began to get this overwhelming feeling that my life would begin at 36. Filled with constant emotion throughout the past few months I began to take note that my steps were being ordered spiritually.  The blueprint was never precise yet it was impossible for me to ignore the stir of change upon and around me. This energy was separate from me yet together with me. There’s an inner spiritual reward one feels when they begin to acknowledge a positive shift of change within their own life.  Knowing where I’ve come from and seeing where I am today brings me to a place of immense inner peace.  I’m so nurturing and kind-hearted to the woman that I’ve become.  I now do nearly everything within my own space and timeframe. Peace and stillness are utterly delightful in my new world.  The world waits for me to move in its time yet I continue to wait patiently on the nudging that I’ve come to trust so deeply. Like so many of you I too struggle with the fear of rejection.  Working through that fear until the point of elimination is crucial.  Often times, I meet people that don’t like me at, “Hello”.  My energy is that of a deep presence that is grounded in integrity and love yet some continue to mistake that for arrogance and self-motive. I made a very particular birthday wish this year and when I was done I chuckled while thinking to myself, “Wouldn’t it be great to find the type of Love that sticks around even during the rough patches?”  In the interim, I’ve stepped all the way up to the plate of life and I’m ready to swing.  Not just any type of swing but a full swing that connects and causes the ball to fly way out of the park.  Some will think this reality came way too late in life for me but I chuckle at that as well while I think, “Hey, better late than never”. Showing up for my own show is different than any other show that I’ve attended.  My script is still unwritten but I know that I have to be present and on set daily.  Every morning that I open my eyes it seems as if the world has become just that much clearer to me.  My insight, my approach, my tolerance, and my openness to change have all increased for the better and decreased wherever necessary.  My daily to-do list is in hand even though I have the power to toss it if and when needed.  Life is overwhelming in a good way at the moment.  Ignoring perceptions that don’t add value to my life and moving toward my greater goal to incorporate and uplift the lives of others in every single thing that I do is the only thing that motivates me now.  

This positive change that has arisen within has helped me to develop a total mind, body and soul sense of consciousness.  Summer is my favorite time of year.  I feel closest to nature and more importantly to my Source during this time of year.  It’s during this period of time that I seem to be the most creative and I get the most done. It could have something to do with this being the time of year that I came into the world but nevertheless this time of year is always a starting point for me.  When you achieve this level of consciousness that I’m moving into; life becomes less and less about you and increasingly more about others.  Life becomes a connected source of goodness, wholeness, love and oneness.  Giving my time and my energy to someone in need causes the ultimate level of satisfaction for my soul.  Keeping myself well-aligned with God, nature, good health and well-being continue to lead me into full consciousness. I have high regard as to what goes in and out of my body at all times.  Practicing a life of vegetarianism, celibacy and well-roundedness make me feel clean and whole. I feel completely loved and accepted by God.  I’ve ascended into new consciousness that doesn’t permit me to think or to act the way that I once did years ago.  I’m so in love with the human being that I see looking back at me in the mirror. I believe that God has always intended for it to be the way it is right now at this very moment.  Life is so sweet nowadays.  Without any haste in my system I sometimes wonder if he plans to connect me with a man that will honor and love me exactly as I am.  The beauty of it all is that either way I have so much joy.  I’m studying the words of the Bible in Proverbs 31; not just for the characteristics of a noble wife but also for its warnings against alcohol for leaders.  Everything in life must have balance.  Too much of anything in one regard or another will lead to demise.  Humbly, I move forward knowing that, “To those that much is given, much is expected”, and this brings me to think of you.  You, the person that’s sitting at your computer screen reading this article at this second on the clock.  What gets the camera rolling in your life?  What steps are you moving toward to leave yourself in this world far after you’re dead and gone?  Is this concept even something that you think of, or do you live day by day just chasing your next paycheck? 

I would like to encourage you to do something different today.  Put on your Sunday’s BEST! Walk out of your house today with a new attitude and with an entirely different pep in your step.  Do something that you’ve never done before; by doing so you will achieve results that you’ve never achieved. Believe in yourself enough that it attracts others to do the very same.  The only foolish idea is the one that you keep hidden and don’t share with the world.  If you write, then write.  If you sew, then sew.  If you exercise, then train, but get out there today and do something!  Be sure that whatever you do comes deep down from the best place that’s in your heart.  That’s the place that dreams are made of.  That’s the place that will lead you to your fantastic destiny.  Don’t let anything or even more importantly anyone discourage you from your dreams because your dreams are a blessing from God.  Move forward in light and in truth and you will never be led astray.  If you’re reading this and you’re suffering with depression, anxiety, worry or fear about what your next step will be; then please email me and together we can figure it out (thebchronicles@gmail.com).  If you’re stuck in a dead-end job or relationship and you’re too afraid to move toward the door then let’s talk about it… 

Wherever you find yourself today just be sure to keep moving toward the stars! The sky’s the limit!  What separates you from the crowd is taking one baby step forward.  I’m rooting for you! Lights, Camera, Action, You’re on!
 

Much Luv

Not Guilty

 

I heard a single gunshot in my sleep this morning that woke me up.   I wasn’t nervous or frightened.  I just couldn’t determine if it was real or not.  It’s quite possible that it was a figment of my own sleepy imagination.  I decided to get out of bed and check on my three children. After seeing that the house was still, I found myself in route to retrieve my laptop. It’s time to speak…

I went to bed shortly after midnight and the only image in my mind was Trayvon Martin.  My 11 year-old son Jessiah asked me to explain, “Ma, how come George Zimmerman isn’t going to jail for killing Trayvon Martin”? That was the exact question and this was my response, “Jessiah, I have no words right now that can explain that to you because I myself do not understand”. My Faith in God above is what keeps me focused this morning as I will continue to remain in silence to some extent.  My emotions led me to write one Facebook status last night and I won’t allow myself to make any others.  I’ll refrain from doing so because I’m mindful that these can be the contributing factors for igniting anger; even anger within myself.  My 15 year-old niece Sina was reading her Kindle device when the verdict dropped last night and she said, “Titi, when it’s your time to die, it’s your time to die, and it was Trayvon’s time to die”.  I wanted so badly to resonate with that yet my flesh struggled and I wasn’t able to do so.  My mind takes me to this dreadful place over and over again; the idea of sending my son off to a store and the more dreadful thought that he could ever be targeted in the 21^st Century because of the color of his skin. I think of those final moments of fear that Trayvon must have experienced.  The condition of having Brown skin in America is something that none of my White friends will ever be able to comprehend in this lifetime and I will never fully be able to explain it to any of them. God will have the final say because his will is always done for the greater good of the Kingdom of Heaven.  He doesn’t intend to confuse and/or hurt us.  He teaches us through different acts and situations even when these things involve immense trauma or pain.  I imagine that Tracy Martin is in great pain this morning.  I imagine that the wound she has been trying to heal for nearly two years has been reopened and someone has just poured salt on it.  A day may come when she and George Zimmerman are on the same checkout line at Walmart because our judicial system didn’t feel like he killed her innocent son. America condemns us but the Lord our God redeems us. 

If I could hug her today I would.  The hug would be heartfelt and in no way would I suggest to her that I know what her pain is like or what she’s going through because I don’t.  I’ll be heading to Florida in a few days and my emotions are somewhat mixed regarding that.  Part of me is dying to get there to see how people are responding to the verdict.  My prayers are that the races will united and that people off all races will see the injustice and understand our anger.  I’ve already heard people reminding us of how we kill ourselves all the time and are questioning why we’re so upset about this.  Ignorance is bliss. Yes, Black people kill each other every single day and here is my open letter to any White person that wants to know why we’re so upset about this:

Dear White America:

You hated us before we ever hated ourselves.  You taught our ancestors that we weren’t good enough to eat with you, to drink your water, to date your daughters or your sons and that we were worthless enough to not even have the privilege to enter spaces through the same entrance as you.  Our ancestors begged us to rise but we didn’t understand how to.  They told us we could be the change in the segregation and then Martin Luther King Jr. reminded us that he had a dream for us.  He loved White people and people of color just the same and saw that we could be united in the country that stands on the basis of this premise.  The hatred drowned the love and then we begin to see color within ourselves.  We threw shade on the lighter shades of brown because we believed that their root wasn’t deep enough in its blackness.  We hate ourselves because you hated us first.  We hate ourselves because you made us believe that we were inferior to you.  We hate ourselves because you took the beauty out of Black for us.  You said the kinks of our hair and the size of our hips were wrong.  You told us we were dirty and that we resembled monkeys.  You forgot to point the finger at yourselves when you resembled pink pigs.  You assassinated all attributes of our character and then you said, “Look at them, they’re so angry”, but still our ancestors told us to ignore your insults and to rise.  We understand the root of our hatred for one another and when we kill each other trust and believe me we mourn. You kill us with malice.  We kill each other in ignorance and self-hatred.  You hated us before we ever hated ourselves and therefore I blame you.  We have the ability to be all you are and more.  We live in fear of you because we know that you can diminish our future with one stomp.  We are so intelligent and charismatic and even at the ivy-league level we try our best to show you that you don’t intimidate us but you do.  You’re at our schools, our professional offices, at the court buildings trying our cases. We want so badly to love you but we know that your hatred for us runs deeper than anything that we can fix.  While our ancestors told us to rise, your ancestors reminded you that we were to be hated, oppressed, accused, and beat down and slandered.  We love you but you will never love us back so we do what our ancestors taught us to do and we continue to rise.  The higher we go the more you feel like you need to remind us of our place.  We are the help and that is how you see us.  We ignore you but you remind us. We are the Black butterflies that our ancestors told us to be.  We want so badly to lift each other up but you taught us not to trust even ourselves.  God grieves when he sees what you have done to us but he knows that ultimately we are stronger than you.  He knows that you would have never been able to endure our conditions and he gave them to us to carry.  “To those that much is given, much is expected”. He knows how special we are and each time we love one another instead of hate ourselves like you taught us to do; he smiles.  We’ve started to embrace our hair, and love the utter beauty of our skin.  We’ve started to open companies and hire our own the way that you do.  We’ve started to hire you to clean our houses and we’ve started to rise the way that we were taught.  We have a long way to go and by no means will we ever accept you killing us.  You did that already and quite frankly we won’t tolerate any more of your malice toward us.  You hated us before we ever hated ourselves and still we rise!

***tears fill my eyes and I have decided to end with this.  For my Brown people please stay up!  Always hear the words of those before us and please allow them to penetrate your heart. Don’t let their struggle for us be in vain. Be strong and very courageous for the Lord our God is with us.  They can only kill our spirit if we let them. We will prosper and we will grow but this is our condition and we have to acknowledge it and be aware.  In the name of Jesus Christ, stay blessed.

Much Luv,